Saturday, April 28, 2012

Wow!, This Is Almost Ironic, Like Everything In That Shitty Song!

A few weeks back, I wrote about the habit on Broadway of making <i>Theatre</i> out of the latest popular movies, and wondered if they dare make it a challenge - do There Will Be Blood as an Alan Menken/Tim Rice vehicle with a singing mime, something, starring Cybill Shepard. Take a chance, for fuck's sake.

Well, the tagline I used was Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close, Teh Musical. Now, I don't know the first thing about the movie, only that it is hipper than I am and is supposed to be ridiculously derpressing, in the run for most depressing movie of all time with 2011 Oscar Nominee Winter's Bone and any Adam Sandler movie ever. You know, cinema to kill yerself by. No desire to see it, needs moar robots/Tie Fighters/boobies.

I have to leave for work, pulled an overnight OT deal. Which is actually, for once, good, as the wife, so cool in so many ways, has Redboxed the bastard.

Wish me luck with my PM PM. Wish her luck with her taste in film.

Work Music soundtrack:

Thursday, April 26, 2012

My Central Point Is That I Need Coffee.

I read in the Blogger Terms and Conditions that if you do not post regularly, they send attack squadrons of well-trained (especially for the short life-span) mayflys to guck up your windshield, and I gotta make to work this morning. So, stuff.

Lady Gaga can go tenderize her tenderloin. Rock and roll, kiddies.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The Wasteland Left By The Home and Garden Channel: Or, " It's a mad house! A mad house!"

At this moment, our home is in the midst of self-imposed chaos. The end is clear, but not near, as I am attempting to simplify and order things, home improvements, donation of clothing, trying to find the floor. Along with the usual household tasks, there is sorting, storing, tossing, and questioning. Given my usual packrat tendencies, there is frustration in Paleoville.

"What's this, honey?"
"Oh, Billy The Singing Bass*. Well, I paid good money for it, and we may need it someday."
"Bullshit, you haven't seen it since the previous century. And, really, need?"
"But, honey!?!?!"

Doesn't matter which one of us started the above exchange, that is how it will end. Oh, and then donating/tossing/storing of said item. With all of this, out of nowhere, a new wrinkle has reared it's ugly head.

Any homeowner will recognize this - the zombie home improvements of previous owners. In our case, the bathroom, 'my' bathroom in the basement. The room is uglier than forty miles of mud road, and a renovation was going to happen eventually. However, my hand has been forced now. There is water under the floor tiles. Understandable as the floor tiles were commercial vinyl stickyback tiles, with eighth-inch gaps, that then had silicone caulk run as 'grout'. The drywall is crumbling, and where not actually flaking out, is a series of bubbles under the paint. Understandable as the walls are gypsum, not plumbing grade fiberboard. The shower is one of the 70's style glass door showers that are less watertight than a frog's ass. Enough mold to either make bread, brew beer, get reeeaalllly high, or get black mold disease. 

So, I gotta deal with it, well ahead of my internal 5 year plan. Ok, wevs.

But, this brings me to my larger point. 

HGTV and TLC are evil and must be destroyed.

Now, I can say, with a fair amount of pride, that I am very good at home improvement thingys. I've remodeled, extensively, two previous homes, and will be doing this one. I'm a professional electrician, I can do my own HVAC, I'm a competent plumber and carpenter. A lot of this arises from the fact that I work in construction. And it thoroughly infuriates me that these two channels, the worst offenders in my book, make home improvements look like a walk in the park for the homeowner, while actually having pros do the horse work behind the scenes. I remember reading, during the great boom in 'house-flipping' and 'fix-my-kitchen' type shows, that Ty Pennington was one of the few home improvement show people who had been a working tradesman (and I think he had the greatest gig in television history, I really respect Home Makeover, a public good, a public win, and entertaining as well), that most of the hosts were actors or Bob Villa-type salesmen (Bob Villa had been a Sears salesman and apparently didn't know an axe from his elbow).  I'm not a construction savant by any means - I've had a lot of training and a lot of exposure to different trades, and I've asked a lot of questions.

I am not going to hack on people who do their own stuff. I respect that. It's fun, good for the bank account, and good hard work. But, to say again, IT'S HARD WORK. And it must be done RIGHT. I'm not talking aesthetics - if you want your bathroom wall to be institutional green, well, whatever floats yer boat. Structural stuff, though must be done correctly.

Water damage from a half-assed bathroom install can, with no exaggeration, kill you. You get black mold inside the walls, an adult just gets miserably sick; kids and the elderly can die of respiratory stuff. Bad carpentry? Bye-Bye sunroom (and hello woodpile). The dangers of pulling an electrical installation from your rectum are many and known - let's start will turning on your toaster and ending up a smoking puddle of fat, and progress to burning down the neighborhood.

Ask questions. Get help. Read, for fuck's sake. And know your limitations. I won't work on gas lines. They look easy, and can go easy, but they can also go incredibly stupid. If you an afford the stainless-steel cooktop, you can afford to have someone do the gas-line hookup. I have to cut an escape hatch in for a downstair bedroom. I'll dig the hole, install the bolster, and install the window, fine. Guess what - I am not messing with my foundation, I'll pay someone to do the block-cutting right, so that, you know, half my house doesn't start to sag. Some of the other remodeling I am going to do, I am going to get an engineer in to let me know where I have to keep support. I can look at a wall and guess it's load bearing or non-load bearing, but I'd really like to know what I need for supporting the, you know, first floor.

Each of these shows has the professionals to do this, working behind the scenes, and I don't recall seeing many disclaimers. 

I don't have cable, nor a desire for it, so I don't have any idea if the shows in general are even still 'all the rage', as the hip kids say, or if these specific channels still exist. I won't be arsed to look it up, either. But these shows walk a fine line between fraud and stupidity in the first place, and in the second place must be plowed under and the ground salted.

Home improvement soundtrack:

Lawn care soundtrack for today:

Michelle Bachmann soundtrack for today:

*I do not now, nor have I ever, owned Billy teh Tasteless Bass.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

The NFL Can Choke On A Bag Of Salted 'Consequences'

I am a football fan. The Green Bay Packers and Wisconsin Badgers. Once their seasons are over I don't really pay attention to the rest of the NCAA or NFL, but a Packer-Bears game, or Badgers - Michigan, damn right I pay attention! I voluntarily (pay attention to that word, it will come up later) came up with enough to buy a Packers share at the latest stock offering* last fall, and I'm proud to have it!

Now, I live in MN, and while not a Vikings guy, even with the GB - MN rivalry I'll root for the Vikings occasionally, against the Bears or the Cowboys (sign of the FSM, to ward off evil), or whatever team is dumbass enough to play Tebow. I don't especially want to see the Vikings leave, rivalries are fun.

But, Roger Goodell, in a moment of sheer gall, myopia, stupidity, has declared to our state Gov. Dayton, that if there is no stadium deal soon, there will be 'consequences'.

You know what, Roger? Fuck off. Make that call to Zygi. Zygi Wilf, the primary owner of the team, is a billionaire, and can write a check for his dream cash cow stadium complex and still afford Kraft Dinner. He wants MN to pony up $700M in known costs when we have bridges falling apart, roads that cause kidney damage, schools that could really use textbooks not approved by the Texas Board of Education. Our previous guv, lil' Timmy "Bad Mofo" Pawlenty managed to kick so many fiscal cans down the road that we'll need a bulldozer to clear them, assuming that we can fix the damn road enough to get the dozer to the pile.

I'd use words such as 'microcosm of society writ large', in that once again, taxpayers are subsidizing a billionaire who employs millionaires, but I don't know what that means. So I'll just say "bullshit".

Build your own stadium, you twerp.

The damnable Ind Republicans are even against it - probably the only time I'll ever agree with a tea-brat. Zygi and the NFL want taxes taken from my pocket and my paycheck to support this? NO. I'll pay taxes happily for roads, courts, schools, the Commons, but I will not subsidize this mafioso wannabe. I voluntarily give to charity, the Habitat For Humanity Re-Stores and Goodwill love me nowadays, and I love the Legacy Amendment to support the arts and environment. These are public goods, and I'll pay without complaint. But giving this thug $700M? Go to hell. Oh yeah, and the Vikings dream site? An old munitions plant, which has wrecked the groundwater for miles. Why is this relevant? Because the estimated $700M DOESN'T INVOLVE ANY SITE PREP, and that will be on us as well!

MN has got to take a stand, set an example. Screw the NFL. We gave you a stadium once, and have upgraded it several times. Make do, like you encourage us to, tighten your belts. Or pay for it your own damn self.

*Anyone mentioning that "Ohhh, it's not a 'real share', you don't get any returns, oh oh oh I'm concerned" will be beaten senseless with their own lungs. In other words, no shit. I'm supporting my team in a way I choose to. Bugger off.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The Best Argument For Science

XKCD - Beliefs

No time to post today, but this was a neat lunchtime thing. XKCD is simply wonderful.

Complete credit and thanks to XKCD, for being, and for publishing under Creative Commons so I may share.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Board Game Nerds, This Might Be Cool

...if you are as big a dork as I am. It has potential, anyhow, I'll give it a chance.

Produced by Felicia Day, who I have started a religion for, and starring Wheaton, who I like quite a bit. I'd like to see them do Car Wars by Steve Jackson, Junta, or maybe even Toon!, although it's not a board game, it makes for a great one-evening session.

Lemme know if I am just that sort of a geek...

You Can See Me On ESPN In Six, Eight Weeks, Tops

After all, i think the Brew Crew could use a power cleanup batter...

Whilst my dear sweetums was having a chica's night last night, I was ordered to vacate the residence until such time as I came home. Heartbroken, and a bit put off (they was making Papa Murphy's, dammit! They make a paper-thin crust pizza that is almost, if not quite, diabetic-acceptable...), I joined the other husband involved, and his two boy mini-humans, at a local indoor batting cage.

Understand that the last time I swung at a pitched baseball was about 24 hours before I heard about Dungeons and Dragons, so that would be (ummm, scriblescribbleerase forty-hymaah, carry teh bucket, extrapolate pi, nineteen-eighty-three) a long damn time ago. And I didn't like sports much then. However, innately convinced of my ability to conquer anything I put my staggeringly something mind to, and with the knowledge that my body is the Temple Of Adonis (2500 years old and falling the fuck apart), I gleefully accepted the challenge. Yes, there was beer.

I rocked. Absolutely rocked! Once we got the pitching machine set up to hit the strike zone everytime, and we worked our signal for when the ball was coming, I started cranking them! Had there been fielders, I'd have schooled them, pulling the ball to the opposite field by smacking 'em off the handle, bouncing grounders that I know would have had them all fooled, and long, straight solid shots placed between the shortstop and the left fielder. I pwned.

But, I'm a bit out of shape, and I'm having a few physical hangups this morning. I've taken 10, maybe 12 ibuprofen, I couldn't be arsed to count, or look, and there was a very nice early morning walker who I asked to shoot me, but he was getting to the cardio part of his walk and just as I asked that, he started with the running routine. (Exercise? Peh!)

Yep, on my way! I'll do autographs free right now, if asked and sent a ball. Trust me, by July, you're gonna want one of these babies, your financial future will be secure! (That's my economic tip-o'-teh-day, by the way.) So learn from me, people - do your dream. Myself? I'm gonna find my 2nd Addition DM Guide as soon as I can walk.

Friday, April 13, 2012

I Love My Governor! I Know - Me? Being Positive?

MN Governor Mark Dayton can infuriate me. He ran from the center, easy to do as the MN Ind. Republicans ran a tea-stained lunatic. I gave some cash and voted for him, but my hopes were not high, basically thinking he would stop the worst abuses of the America, White or Wrong legislature he was given.

Know what? He has disappointed me on only one issue, and its not a small one. He is gung-ho to give the Minnesota Vikings a stadium complex, retractable roof, shopping complex, hotel, and site development. And then let the Vikings take all receipts from all these activities. The state's price tag is assumed to be $700M. If the Vikings get the site they actually desire, a former munitions plant about 3 miles from where I sit, the environmental cleanup, and there will be an extensive cleanup, could have the state bill easily double. The ground, groundwater, vegetation, even fucking bunny rabbits are absolutely toxic, to the point that my city water source is treated and subsidized by the Army Corps of Engineers. Zygi Wilf, the primary stakeholder of the Minnesota Vikings and as such the team owner, and a billionaire, could write a check and still afford mac-n-cheese. Screw him.

I had worries he would be afflicted with Obama Illusioninity Syndrome, acting as if the Independent Republicans can be counted on to be reasonable.


His latest Thing. Of. Beauty. is a veto of the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC) -written bill limiting corporate exposure on asbestos liability lawsuits. He's been on a tear against ALEC*, calling them out by name in a speech after vetoing "tort reform" bills. By tort reform, let's face it, they mean "I love the business climate of Somalia! Pity that there is something, just, ohhh, I don't know, you know, 'different' about the people there. Can't really put my finger on it..."

He vetoed a stand-your-ground type bill called the Castle Doctrine bill, which would have given those Minnesotans with an NRA membership and a 9mm penis the right to finally kill somebody with the slightest excuse. (I don't know what excuse they could come up with.) Plus, I got the added entertainment factor of facebookers completely losing their minds over this. (We have large funding, education, and infrastructure issues due to Tim "Pimp-hand" Pawlenty's expertise in playing one-dimensional chess, as in "Hope I can be done with governorating and be vice-president before anyone does the math! Oh, wait, if I kill education...", but their number one political focus is on 'my gun likes me, and that's all I need. And this lamp. My gun and my lamp. And my NRA embossed faux-pleather queeks-draw shoulder holster with a compass and ...'. Really?!?)

Minnesota Independently-Doing-Whatever-We're-Told-To-By-Americans-For-Prosperity Republicans have managed to put the Gay-Hate Amendment and a Voter ID amendment on the ballot for November. Although he would not have the opportunity to veto this nonsense, and the MN Supreme Court has allowed some incredibly stupid things to go through**, Dayton has commented frequently against the Bigot Bill, and is campaigning against the Voter ID bill (with the usual hypocritical claptrap from the esteemed colleagues across the aisle about how a governor stumping for a position that he supports is pooping in their cheerios a misuse of the office. Dumbasses.

I am so very pleased with my gov. We are very lucky to have him - after all, look at our neighbors (and my home-state, and I still do love it...) Wisconsin. Scott Walker is a rodent-molester. Mark Dayton is stand-up. Thank you, sir.

*Is everyone else seeing, with a song in their heart, apropo of nothing, that ALEC is slowly starting to bleed over their vigorous advocacy of the Skittles Are Dangerous law in Florida? W00t!!1!

**ie., the retroactively named Amy Senser law. Amy Senser is the wife of restauranteur and former Viking tight end Joe Senser, and she ran over and killed a man on the side of the road. I won't go into the specifics, as nothing has as of yet been proven, but her defense is that 'she did not know she had hit and killed someone'. And in MN, thank you Justices, this is a legal defense!!! Given that she has quite adequate legal representation, it is a distinct possibility she walks without even a moving violation. Yeah, justice is blind. [/snark]

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Bring On The B Movies

(first in a series? I'll take suggestions!)

I'm a big drive-in-type movie guy. Give me zombies, spaceships, boobies, and for this post, underground man-eating monsters!

No, not C.H.U.D.

I'm a (nowadays, amateur) geologist and prefer my underground man-eating monsters a bit more Pre-Cambrian. As such, I give you...


Yeah, they’re loud, silly movies. I don’t care. See ‘em. The words on printed page are not jokey per se, but the delivery and context are funny as hell. Burt Gummer in that second clip – Michael Gross is fantastic! I read somewhere that he was considered a weird choice for the part, coming fresh off of whatever bloody stupid sitcom he was on (they all kind of blend in my memory as a syrupy, Reagan-colored nightmare – ugh!) but he went to the audition and went all out. Finn Carter is seriously cute in the first film, as a sexy geologist – kind of the female version of me, really. Except for, you know, boobs, and attractiveness.

There were a number of scenes that made you jump, some fun gore, ‘splosions, great characters. For the time, the effects were actually pretty good – maybe not Return of the Jedi level, but it is refreshingly free of fucking ewoks.

I’ve heard the TV series, famously treated like a red-headed step-child by whatever the hell the science fiction cable television network called itself at the time, was just as fun. But Netflix, may their CEO be eaten by locusts, has failed to secure the rights, or has lost the rights, or has yet to hire a negotiator who understands the term ‘rights’. Bastards.

As an aside I always thought this song…

…should have been in the soundtrack. It seems to fit, and the Refreshments have that sort of Southwestern thing going. And it’s a great damn song.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Did Anyone Really Think...

...that "Christian leaders" give a sweet goddamn about ANYONE other than their own fat asses?

(via TBogg and Twatter)

Let us ignore the fact that it appears you have burgled Eddie Vedder's closet circa 1997 for your wardrobe here - ohh, just so hip I could DIE! What the fuck, Rick? What side of the equation does Saddleback fall on here - I see this little church on a
country lane and get concerned that your tax exemption may not be serving the purpose it was intended for. Oh, wait, perhaps your phraseology failed you and you were intending to convey your happiness. In that, you know, YOU DON'T PAY TAXES.

'Those what got, who got what they got through use of the public commons, education, infrastructure, gotta pony up a bit to help those who ain't got"- Gospel of paleo, Verse 1, goddammit.

This is the Cathedral of St. Paul, in St, Paul, MN, the seat of the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Archbishop John Nienstadt. 306 feet tall before the cross, $35M restoration project in 2000-2002, including new copper-clad material for the dome. And it is a sight, the construction guy in me does see that, it's gorgeous. And obviously, with that kind of scratch coming in, the Catholic Church must be doing some hella good works in the Cities, homeless are homed, starving are fed, and such. Right? Archbishop?

The Ryan budget has just come out, the greatest redistribution of wealth...upwards... since the Gilded Age. No, really, no exaggeration. Let's slash social services entirely and cut taxes at the top brackets so the 'deficit hawks' may cheer as the deficit blooms because MATH DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. Paul Krugman of the NYT has already demolished the math, so what about the social consequences? I'll ask a man tasked with helping the less fortunate - Timothy Cardinal Dolan, head of the US Conference Of Bishops. Timmeh?

Dear Religion,

Go to hell.

Love, paleo

UPDATE: Holy hammer, how did I miss this? Gotta get my EMF* meter recalibrated. This changes EVERYTHING! [/snark]

*Evil Mother Fucker.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Excitement And Corn On The Horizon!

As he fails to pump himself up...

My Primary Task over the next two days is to drive to Omaha, NE, to help a relative/friend move up here - YAY! Little does the poor bastard know that as we return to Moosesota, watching the miles crawl by, he is being inexorably drawn into my web, my conspiracy, my deep dark plan - to help me remodel my basement, creating my seat of seating, from which I shall get the Dish football package so I can see Badgers and Packer games! take over the world!!!11!!*

Given the fact that I am, in general, crabby, caffeinated, diabetic, and far too dignified to even be doing this, I have a few preparation-type things to do this morning. I am taking the essential step of continuing the Endless Project, wherein I:

1.) Rip all my CDs to laptop - I am down to 20 or so, 19 if you consider the White Album a Document(tm) as opposed to a two disk record.
- This is my current task, I want to finish Earth Wind and Fire, Bill Hicks, and President Of The United States Of America within the next 25 minutes or so, get them to iPod. I'll have Stephanie Miller on the radio for part of each way, but then will be stuck with Minnesota, Iowa, and Nebraska radio. Can you say "Garth Brooks should be beaten to death with a combine? Good, I knew you could!" -
2.) Burn all of my dad's (and mine) vinyl albums to CD. He has some Time-Life Folk Music Of America stuff that I can't wait to get to. Unfortunately, this process is a pain. To break the albums into individual digital tracks you have to sit there and stop the burn and then restart after every song - which is not, in and of itself, difficult, but seeing as you have to be in close proximity to this album-CD gadget I have it is time consuming.
3.) Burn all of our VCR tapes to DVD - god, I CANNOT FRAKKIN WAIT to see 'Local Hero' again!

Other preparations include reminding myself how creaky and dignified I am. The Two-Days-Worth-Of-Pills boxes, clocking in at way too much; thermos of coffee, of which we will see how much actually gets out of the driveway; change of clothes for dinner tonight, because Nebraska...

Some linksters for illustrative purpose.



*Fixited for moar drama

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Busier Than A Meth Addict With OCD And A Case Of Red Bull

There is stuff I want to write but life is, shall we say, encouraging me to be much more less-sitdowny than usual.

Rock and roll, with an emphasis on the roll, for a bit!