Mark III - Of Course I Start With A Rant

Hi!

Okay, now that that is done...

On another blog, the question was raised:

I hear you but I'm talking about true believers. Is there some level of moral correctness or some social endpoint that a Republican sees that is so beneficial? Has any social scientist or polling outfit done this? What is their dream state? What's it look like to them?

My answer:

So, Republicans hit their first goal, theocracy. Abortion is illegal, the gays are executed, the atheists are executed, dug up, and executed again, anyone failing the Stay-Puft test is enslaved, women are enslaved, TurboJesus comes back and whacks the Jews. Yay them.

Then a crack appears.

The Southern Baptists and most Independent churches hate the Catholics. Nearly as much as they hate the above groups. Whelp, gotta go. Streets get slippery again.

Episcopalians? Waffling fucks. They were never TRULY on board with the abortion/gay/atheist/POC/women/Jews purge. These puddles are getting deep, and does anyone recommend a good laundry detergent for bloodstains on doubleknit slacks?

Amish, Mennonites, Quakers, all 14 Shakers left? 144,000 Jehovah's Witnesses? FUCKERSI mean, they're weird. Move to higher ground, resume operations.

Methodists. A bunch of thugs, pugs, and mugs. Nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers. Hey Most Right Reverend Robertson?! No, not you Pat, Phil, Phil has some upper body strength. My arm is getting tired, can you do axe duty today? Plus I wrenched my back when my foot skidded out from under me on that last swing.

The Non-Denoms. You know, they really don't say Jesus much. It's all Purpose Driven this, Your Best that. We can't take any chances, we're getting so close. No more high ground though, do you think we can find some wellies in the husk of the Anglican church?

PROSPERITY BASTARDSI mean, apostates. Never even once heard them speak in the angelic language humminahummina. Nope. Look, goddamnit-er, gee golly, Benny, I've sharpened this axe so much it's a toothpick. Do you have a pocket knife or a dive bomber?

Okay, okay, good. 50,000 of us, plus, you know, slaves, concubines. Concubine slaves. Great government. Heaven on earth. Of course, Franklin is getting a bit big for his britches, I'm not sure how godly he is... 

This Is Malfeasance? Seriously? Hush, Stupid Person.

On New Years Eve, as the Sweetie and I watched Holidays*, CNN did some sort of broadcast that unfortunately did not involve

• sacrificing Seacrest to a shambling mound, 
• mincing him in a Magic Bullet one small part at a time
  

• anything else fun.

However, it would seem that we missed one Mr. Don Lemon, hack extraordinaire, getting his Cuervo on. And getting his ear pierced. At the behest of one Ms. Kathy Griffin, who at a minimum should be on Mt. Rushmore. He did retain some control, as apparently he mostly remained standing, and only pierced his ear, as opposed to Dremel-ing a superfluous hole in his schwanzstuckë and calling himself Prince Albert Lemon.

As 2017 casts its fate to the loonicidal bedwetting inbreds, or as I like to call them, teh Orange Shitgibbon's base, the fecal circus started with a beaut: One Soledad O'Brien decided that this little vignette was "a very low bar for credibility."

Errr. Ummm, Sole, please to be looking at links following this request:

• Reporters visit Mar-a-Lardo off the record for Rimjob Finals. Place your bets - Dancing David Gregory? Wall Street Journal?

• The man who has never answered all the questions about Lori Klausitis, and his mistress, getting their due desserts from the 13 month fluffing they gave The Syphilitic Tangelo.
• And, of course: “But it is better for the news because the ratings will be better. There is so much controversy going on with it.” This would be Lemon really upholding journalistic standards.

But a guy getting groovy, and snarky, looking for a nice guy to mack on, on TV, with Kathy Griffin, is a journalistic lowpoint?

Go 'way, now, ma'am.

*I would advise you watch as well, with a lack of chemical goodness in your bloodstream because Holy Gigafuck Jesus Bunny!

The Cheerleading Post

We are very close to being terminally screwed.

Yes, paleo is squeaking about the 2016 election cycle.

Briefly, let’s review. I was on Team Sanders. (Yes, you may kill me for using that phraseological construction. Please wait until I vote.) I had no particular issue with Sec’y Clinton, other than she has always seemed to be somewhat to the right of me. I didn’t expect Sen. Sanders to win, he is not nearly the politician she is (to get elected, being a competent politician is helpful, and I will not use the word ‘politician’ as a pejorative – Keith Ellison is a polished politician, as is Russ Feingold, as is President Obama. Being a bad person does not comment upon your political skills; it just says you’re a douchebag, or a ‘Ryan’), and he got stomped (yes, stomped – by 3 million primary votes, and by being nearly shut out in states that had primaries, as opposed to caucuses). However, I believed he would be invaluable in pulling the Democratic Party back to the left. In general, save the gun thing, I preferred his politics.

Sec’y Clinton won the nom, and I’m fine with that. DO NOT GET OVERCONFIDENT, but I expect her to win. I’m fine with that. Actually, learning more about her during this run (there is a Frontline biography on her, part of a special on both candidates' biographies) that shows her to be quite a remarkable person. And hearing her on the stump, and watching her on the debates, I’m content.

Trump was, remains, and will continue to be a human shitnado, assault/pedophilia/creepitude allegations or not, he’s a monster. Everyone knew this even before the recent revelations, including Malaria, but don’t cry for her, she’s getting her silver. He could be a saint around women, but every other aspect of his life STILL shows him to be a jackal. This ‘alpha-male’ shit is the fucking awful capstone, but he was never human in the first place.

Gary Johnson may be the single least informed, deliberately least curious public figure of today. Dumb as a brick. And fucking evil. Jill Stein has a coterie of assistants with metering equipment to make sure there are no aerosolized vaccines in her air supply. Evan McMullin? No. Srsly. Who in hell is Evan McMullin?

"Bloody hell, paleo, you seem almost vaguely upbeat! Why, then, would consider us to be near existential fuckitude?"

Glad you asked.

There is the obvious. The worthless hillbillies who would throw themselves in front of a train for Trump, if only so SmallHands could grab their daughters’ genitalia, ain’tn’t going gently into that good night. These people are freaks, violent, and frequently armed. They will not accept a Trump loss (“oh oh oh it was fixed by n****r Jewish sp**s who want to teach f****t evolathiesm to our white children”), they will respond in the only way they know – lashing out and trying to kill anything that scares them. With education, there is hope for their grandchildren, but a 60 year-old skinhead-in-all-but-name cannot be reasoned with.

What must be added, and is in fact the more important issue, is on the meta-level. With Sec’y Clinton having a respectable lead and a likely win by the scientific poll aggregators, I have been hearing the folks in my camp say things to the effect of ‘Okay, soon it will finally be over’.

No, it won’t soon be over.

Democracy does not end at the voting booth. And we all have to hold everyone's feet to the fire. Always. Building a civil society is a crappile of work. We must all stay involved, constantly, starting right at the local level.

Let your school board know that religion and education don't mix. Let your city council know about that needed stoplight and upgraded sewer system. Let your state rep know that MN needs statewide broadband and public transportation. Let your federal reps know that everyone on Wall Street is scum and needs to go to jail until they can be swept up and put in a dustbin. Were Sen. Sanders to have become the President, I'd be screaming at him daily about guns.

Keep pushing every day.

When you vote, go home, and say, ‘okay, done my duty’, you fail democracy. If everyone votes, goes home, and says, okay, done my duty’, democracy fails.

There are a helluva lot more people on Team Terminally Screwed (again, words do not lend themselves to goddammit Twilight-fan memes. Kill me on November 9).

Vote, you bastards. (Vote Democratic at all levels should be understood, but nevertheless, vote.) And then start calling and writing. We have emails – no more stamps, folks. Phone plans with unlimited minutes. Supporters of Sen. Sanders – he made an amazing showing. If you want the D’s to move left, take that energy and get involved. Stay involved. Run for dog-catcher, then city council, then mayor, then Congress, and keep going so I can crabass at you electronically in 10 years. I’m old and tired, and can only give some campaign money and write this nonsense to my audience of 3.1415927 individual readers, so work hard for Uncle paleo in his dotage. Please.

First, though, start with voting.

Are We Pathetic Or Do We Just Need A Juicebox And A Nap

Fuck us. Genuinely.

Every country in the world, save us, should get together right now.

Have a nice spare rib dinner, with sauerkraut, sauteed cauliflower colliettes, and fresh salad, kale, radishes, scallions, and a basil-infused olive oil with strawberry-apple cider vinegar. Finish with a nice snifter of Amrut.

And then turn the surface of the United States to glass.

What may provoke paleo to continental annihilation this time?

• Could it be Small Hands*? 
• Berniebaggers? 
• Sarah Palin swearin' on her lief that she will defeet Paul Ryan you betcha**?
• Yet another revelation that Joe Paterno knowingly enabled Jerry Sandusky to rape an unknown number of prepubescent boys at Penn State, but now taking the timeline back to 1976?!?!

No. Actually, this morning's desire is due to television.

Newton Minow was early in describing TV as a vast wasteland - were he alive today, he'd be really, really, spectacularly old. Oh, and speechless. Because really, really, holy fucking old. TV in the United States may not take the actual prize, but we do suck. Nineteen Fondlings and Counting***. Jimmy Fallon. Seven different cake shows - 216 wedding shows - coming soon: The Divorce Show with Kim Davis. The entire TruTV network. We're no shrinking violets when it comes to digital quaalude.

But Imma thunkin' this is a new level.

Arranged.
After seeing the commercial, oh yes I did have to look up this broadcast venereal disease.

In “Arranged,” three couples from different cultural backgrounds have one thing in common – the belief in arranged marriages. From a young Romani gypsy couple in New York City, to a southern couple from the Bible belt, to a couple raised by traditional Eastern Indian parents living in Los Angeles – these brides and grooms don’t just marry each other, their unions include their entire family. Viewers will see each couple’s relationship from the lead-up to their weddings, to the several months after the reality of married life sinks in. 

Even though the marriages stemmed from the heart of their culture, the marital stakes are heightened as the couples do not have the level of intimacy common in most modern marriages. For some, it will be tough to give up their independence and their new roles as husband and wife prove to be more than they bargained for. Pregnancy scares, money concerns and over-protective parents will add even more stress to an already overwhelming situation. Viewers will learn compelling relationship advice as they watch these unique journeys and find out if these couples hold the key to a long-lasting marriage by being arranged.

Their description.

Erpp.

to the several months after the reality of married life sinks in? 

the marital stakes are heightened as the couples do not have the level of intimacy common in most modern marriages?

Viewers will learn compelling relationship advice as they watch these unique journeys and find out if these couples hold the key to a long-lasting marriage by being arranged.?

In a number of my kultursturm posts, I'd now pivot, I'd say let's ignore the unbelievable underlying fundamentalist religion crap, the control issues, the wild goddam misogyny, and attack a a prime mover if one seemed detectable. Nope.

The fundamentalist religion crap, the control issues, and the wild goddamn misogyny ARE THE PRIME MOVERS. Jesus H Christ playing piano at the Bunny Ranch, this is GENUINELY SICK.

The couples pushed together, undoubtedly at the behest of religious leaders, by cultish parents, do not have the level of intimacy as a couple who went out, willingly, to White Fucking Castle, and Jellystone park, and then figured out they own bad selves how to proceed. I know, what a stupid fucking notion. Couples holding the key to a long-lasting yada yada in an event they had no play in?

Children, and particularly in our society, young women, are not a commodity, to be traded or used as bargaining chips for family mergers. These young people will, must, have to, at some point, unless the new married couple is locked in Daddy-In-Law's basement, grow up, and they are soon going to, have to, must, do some self-evaluation.

And guess what. There's a serious chance they are going to be distinctly pissed off.
There is an equal chance they are going to be seriously broken.
There is a better than equal chance they are going to be both.
If the marriage survives, and I actually kind of hope it does, I'm a romantic, I believe in love, my wife walks on the ground I worship, it will be by dint of massive amounts of work, or unfathomable delusion.

So, yeah, the makers of this show? Find a nice, quiet, island. Google maps, your friend. Pack up, move there. Take up cannibalism.

 Again, we've been here. Nineteen Assaults and Counting. The show, in and of itself, is NOT the reason the United States needs to be leveled and the earth salted.

The commercial was for ARRANGED: S2.

*also Clapton's worst album, it sounded as if he difficulty with the solos
** I mean, go for it, you meth-addled plastic-surgery-addicted sociopath with a bright future of decaying in a rocking chair while Gargle argues with you and needs to keep plunging the blood in the shower
***so, that was on for what, 3 years, times average 22? episodes, times 39.42 people in the house, ummm, carry the pi, HOLY GODDAMNIT THAT SHOW WAS ON FOR 24,007 HOURS. GAHHH.

It's Alive! IT'S ALIVE!

Okey Dokey.

MY TRUCK LIVED.

As pointed out by OBS in the previous comments (and now verified by me), Toyotas are apparently beasts - the truck moved 4 feet before anything useful was bent. It ended up being solely body work. And the car owner's insurance was current, so other than inconvenience and a near aneurysm, it's all good.

For me.

Now, I've received the police report. As of a few days ago (when the report was received), the other screwball has not been found. As far as the young lady, no, Imma not out her. But, the facts of the case:

• 20 years old
• 15 year old sister in the car
• suspended license
• hit and run/leaving the scene of the accident
• underage drinking
• DWI, with the sister in the car

Lady, I'm sorry that the dude beat you, I'm angry AS HELL you drove through yards in residential neighborhoods, pretty damn unhappy you hit my truck. Shocking, I expect. But shit, you've torched yourself, and you're still so damn young.

Please take the opportunity to realize that, hey, this is fucky, gotta fix it.

Sportsperson Opens Yap. Stupid Ensues

Mike Ditka, former NFL coach and current sportsball analyst, went on a radio show and used vocal chords.

Let's roll the 1's and 0's.

Ditka went on WABC’s The Bernie & Sid Show on Thursday and told the hosts that “Obama’s the worst president we’ve ever had.” 

“Barack Obama’s a fine man,” Ditka said of the former Illinois State Senator. “I mean, he’s pleasant. He would be great to play golf with. He’s not a leader. This country needs leadership. It needs direction. It needs somebody that steps up front. We need somebody like Ronald Reagan. Every once in a while you’re gonna get punched in the chops but you keep going forward. That’s all there is to it.”

Let's ignore the 'play golf with' TeaBagger dogwhistle and go to

Every once in a while you’re gonna get punched in the chops but you keep going forward.

Ermmm. Geopolitical crises are getting 'punched in the chops.' Well over four thousand American military personnel dead, thousands more in some state of disability, and an unknown, unknowable number of dead civilians is getting 'punched in the chops'. Way to minimize real-world life-and-death, suffering, poverty, you serious, as in setting-the-new-standards-for-excremescence-achievement serious, piece of waste.

No one is able to achieve the level of Bear hatred as I can. This time, this is not the case. Ditka won a single Super Ball Bowl with a once-in-a-millenium defense. One. Eins. And was a simple salary suck every other place he was involved.

In that Super Ball Bowl he refused to give Walter Payton, the only Bear I could ever tolerate (but still not like), who had played brilliantly for years on teams that could not have beaten a Tebow-led Lions team, a guaranteed rushing TD, instead giving it to William 'the Refrigerator' Perry, to thumb his nose at everyone who called it a ridiculous draft pick*.

When it comes to rationality and judgement, yeahhhh, I think Imma go with President Obama.

Oh, yeah, and Lil' Mikey is a Trumpenfuhrer supporter. I'm shocked. Probably met at the same spray tan booth distributor.

Oh, yeah, and he wanted to be a senator in 2004, says he'd have beaten then-state-legislator Barack Obama. Probably would have, too, but it's Illinois. With two recent governors having spent time in (admittedly white-collar, and screw the 'Murkin justice system) Club Feds, a damn lot of Illinoyances earn the FIB** nickname honestly, and I also refudiate their rationality and judgement. (except for (DUCKWORTH SENATE 2016!!)


An Open Letter

Dear Mike Ditka (and, for that matter, Curt Schilling), 

There are reasons you are not well-known destinations for those who seek universal truthisms, why you have not been invested in the CERN project, why there are not schools of economics or political theories named after you. 

You were athletes, uneducated, largely incapable of functioning outside of the rarefied world of the American Entertainment Sphere. You have been blessed far more than you deserve because you had some sportsball talent. Take it for what it is and enjoy it, but leave the rest of us to solve the actual issues.  

And with any luck, we'll get to the Sportsball Industrial Complex soon enough. For example, there is a stadium going up in Minneapolis that some legislators need to go to jail for, and a worthless Sopranos cosplayer needs to be back-charged for. 

I wish nothing but misery and tragedy for you, and if your kids spit on you for being despicable human beings, Imma count one in the win column. 

Love, paleo

*To be fair, Perry eventually did become a passable defensive lineman. A better lineman than Tebow was a quarterback, a better professional football player than the Lions are a professional football team. Not squattle to do with Ditka.

**Thought I could make one single goddamn amphibian molesting post without cussing, didja? Fucking Illinois Bastards.

The World's Dirtiest Word

Religion.

I'll give my usual disclosure: Whatever you believe, great. If it helps you sleep better, if it makes you a better person, great.

That's faith.

Mine? Given the ridiculous stuff I believe on a daily basis, I can hardly call myself an atheist. I'm not certain what eschatology I fall into. One thing I'm positive of, I don't believe there's an old man with a book or iPad waiting for me to either:
a.) be good and so get to go listen to cherubim holler Ave Maria until I put a celestial nuclear weapon in my mouth, or;
b.) be sent to a pitchfork wielding Pan expy who has all the good musicians and a long pork barbeque.
I try to be a decent human to be a decent human.

Now. I am on the mailing list of the Minnesota Family Council. Most well known for being pro-bullying. especially if gay kids die, it is a hard-right-wing political action committee. I stay on the mailing list because these people are dangerous as hell and it's a smart thing to keep an eye on the bastards. The CEO, John Helmberger, sends out pleas for money, prayers, action, and money. He asks for donations as well.

So, his latest 'testimonial', encouraging caucus participation, needs to be explored a bit. To begin, though, let's face it, this 'event' never happened. Lying for Jeebus.*

A Defining Moment at a Precinct Caucus Only behave as citizens worthy of the gospel of Christ Philippians 1:27

The Red Words? Nope. Paul. Color me surprised, most evangelicals have never read the gospels. They like Paul and the Old Testament, books and letters what give them an excuse to kill. The Rabbi Yeshua ben-Yusef, if he existed, seems to have been pretty chill. Feed the poor, heal the sick, whomp the ever-loving hell out of bankers. Paul's a complete bastard.

As a university graduate student, I arrived late at the precinct caucus for my new neighborhood. The room was full, with standing room only, and I could barely find a place to squeeze in near the entrance. As it turned out, that was a good thing.

Okay, basically true. Political engagement is a great thing. Although I have major issues with the caucus process, preferring the primary system, good on you. Good on everyone who goes.

Having grown up in a politically active family, it was only natural, now that I was out on my own, that I also would participate in the grassroots process of debating and voting on issue resolutions, hearing from candidates, and choosing delegates to represent my neighbors and me at upcoming conventions where candidates would be endorsed.

 Again, engagement. How can I have a problem with this cat?

But something had changed. Or rather, someone had changed.

I had been conditioned from my childhood to identify with a party that increasingly valued personal autonomy above any faith or moral code, looked to government as protector and provider, and oftentimes viewed faith in God with open hostility.

And, we're off. Meine dog's ears are bleeding. Who's faith? I know all'y'all don't believe in Papism or Smithism, but even more than that, the pre-millenial dispensationalists think the post-millenial dispensationalists think the Prosperity Gospel crowd think the UCC bleeding hearts are all wrong and going to hell. And everyone hates the Jews (h/t Tom Lehrer).

"Above moral code"? Moral code, is, ummm, laws. And you're damn right I want government protection, from bankers and 'patriots' and Lost Cause types and godbotherers who feel the need to dictate faith and moral codes.

Of course, I had never thought about it in those terms. In fact, I never thought about my party affiliation at all. I just followed the path I’d grown up in without questioning it.

So, it took you until graduate school to think?

But now, in that crowded caucus, I couldn’t do that anymore. Some years earlier I had become a Christian. It took a while to get serious about studying God’s word, but as I did, it started changing me. It changed my values and priorities. It gave me a new lens through which to view everything, including politics. I found myself evaluating policy on everything—from abortion to taxes and spending—in light of Scripture.

Abortion? Not a word. (Although the Old Testament was awfully approving of killing kids. Dash the children against stones, anyone?). Taxes? Render to Caesar what is Caesar's. Spending? Before Pauly stuck his misogynistic beak and lust for authoritarian power into things, the early Christians were egalitarian socialists, share what you have, Mary Magdelene one of Christ's beloved.
Which religion will save the world, Johnny? Seems Lil' Teddy Knickers; Stabby McNeurosurgeon; Florida's Parched Theocrat; Cousin Itt cosplayer, college president, and one-man Ukrainian model immigration agency Don 'Don' Trump; and the rest (Mary Ann, Ginger, Kasich) have vowed to set much of the world on actual fucking fire

I now knew I had a calling to engage in the process as “salt and light” for the sake of the gospel of Christ, the only power that can truly transform hearts and minds and cultures.

Back up, dear. I don't believe any of your nonsense. I have my own nonsense and have yet to stab or set fire to anybody.

As I stood in that caucus meeting listening to demands for one policy after another that conflicted with what I saw as God’s pattern for a truly just and moral society, it hit me. “I don’t have anything in common with these people,” I thought. “I don’t belong here.” Thankful that I was near the door, I slipped out as quickly as I could, making a clean break from the inherited politics of my youth.

You were not the only thankful one, John-John. These people were exploring solutions to problems. Together. Not looking for the simplicity of listening to 200 preachers arguing about when Jeebus comes back but agreeing that the gays must be killed.

Since that defining moment, I’ve caucused with another party whose platform—and usually candidates—more closely align with biblical principles (though not perfectly—that never happens in our fallen world). I’ve become more actively engaged than I ever had been before, spurred by our calling to “behave as citizens worthy of the gospel of Christ” (Philippians 1:27, ESV literal rendering of Greek).

Ok, bucko. Let's take the revisionist history - The republican party invited you yahoos into the party in a quest for political power. Votes. As late as Barry Goldwater, you were kept at arm's length. Abortion was chosen as the visible politically acceptable way to organize for misogyny, segregation, and an alphabet soup of phobias. Reagan then brought you guys in. The republican establishment has used you for 36 years for votes. They, prior to the rise of the Teabaggers, would never have outlawed abortion. Too politically useful. And the road went both ways. A couple of notable items were added to your laundry list. The rights of rich people (yeah, the irony is like rain on a wedding day). The end of the Public Commons.

If you haven’t participated in a precinct caucus, I encourage you to give it a try on March 1. Find your precinct caucus location and learn more about Minnesota’s precinct caucuses. There’s more at stake than ever before, including the freedom to engage openly in our culture as a Christian. Come shine your light—it’s needed!

John Helmberger
CEO of Minnesota Family Council

Yeah, I'm going to participate in my caucuses. Sorry, JJ.

'freedom to engage openly in our culture as a Christian'?!? We're riddled with you rodent molesters. Fuck yourself. 

*

Open Letter To A Future Benny Hind Voter

Dear HyperChristian Dispensationalist Whack-A-Mole Game,

I was very appreciative of your bumper sticker declaring that "In Case Of Rapture, This Car Will Be Unoccupied". Very retro, sir, I had not seen that adhesive manifesto in quite some time.

In case of your rapture, I'm taking your stuff. I might get a buck two-fifty for the plastic-wrapped paisley couch. You might still have iron cook pans, which I'm rather fond of. The lime-green refrigerator, with the freezer inside the door? Keg holder.

Your Michael W. Smith CDs and Kirk Cameron Blue-ray Edition DVD collection? Sun-catchers and squirrel torturers.

Thanks in advance!

Love, paleo

Creflo Dollar/Benny Hind 2016! Feel The Nuts!

Saving 'Murica With The MegaChurch Based Economy

Once upon a time, I was a travelling union electrician.

I tended to go west to work. My preference, as I was driving like a bat loosed from Satan's grip to Siblingbunghole, Idaho, with a case of Mountain Dew, a roll of Kodiak, and a dwindling hope of picking up the call at the union hall for power plant maintenance but an expectation of putting in childproof AFCI-rated receptacles at the local Golden Corral, was to drive through mountains.

Although I do not recall the instance, at some point I must have signed the books in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Colorado Springs has been, and may still be,

home to the greatest concentration of fundamentalist Christian activist groups in American history (Jeff Sharlet, Harpers, Revealer)

including New Life, former home of Ted Haggard (I will not embed that video. I will not muddy up my own house. It's from Jesus Camp if you want an idea before clicking.) before he discovered the Joy of Meth (now on Audible.com); and home to the United States Air Force Academy, which has had, for years, a very prejudicial attitude towards any non-Jesus-Beater daring to serve their country upside down at Mach 2.25. Colorado Springs has also had, due to the presence of the aforementioned Atavisticus Jesusi Beaterodocus, a turbo-fucked local economy.

Because I signed the books there, I get email pertinent to Colorado Springs. For example, I get the 'newsletter' and 'brother can you spare a coupla thousand dimes" from this Tea Party pile of pig placenta

Because of his first name and general demeanor, he reminds me of President Bartlett's son-in-law (West Wing). Just a completely pliable dunce, eager to do the bidding of his keepers, will swallow if necessary.


Actually, pig placentas serve a purpose - they are involved in the production of ham. I may have to rethink that analogy.

Now, I also get job offers from 'the Springs', as the hip youth say. What is available in the job creation dynamic Galtian Gulch in fundie country?

Hmm. My smack is gobbed. There seems to be a trend, perhaps, nay, a pattern. Ummm.

Er.

WHY IN TEH HELL DID I EVER BECOME A HIGHLY EDUCATED TECHNICAL SPECIALIST WITH A WORK ETHIC AND A SAVAGE DISREGARD FOR ORGANIZED RELIGION?!?! CONFORM, BABY, CONFORM!!

SHEESH.

*****************************************************************
Oh, and speaking of Jesus Camp, I found out what happened to this poor brainwashed peanuthead.

He took up sportsball.

Sorry mini-dude.

Rich Snots Behaving 'Orribly

Apropo of nothing...

This is the third time I've watched some of Downton Abbey with mah Sweetie. I don't like it, not one damn bit. These are the people the guillotine was invented for. But I must say:

It occurs to me, the Head Butler is as awful a human being as the rich hemophiliacs living in the larger bedrooms. In a perfect world, I'd have one more basket ready.

Just saying.

A Conversation With Justice Antonin Scalia

Tony Teh Squirrel* went and said things. Naturally, this aggression cannot stand, so I grabbed my trusty phonish thingy.

"Mr. Scalia, sir-

Umm, I'll need you to put down the maga- no, I'm not subscribed to Eugenics Monthly, um, no, I don't want the postcard, but -

No, no, your Supremitude, I have a statemen...

Yes, go ahead and try to convert Judge Kagan, I'm certain she'll appreciate your efforts, but if I can just say...

*wearily shaking head* I'm sure Virginia Thomas is some brown sugar, yes sir, but - GODDAMMIT, ABIGAIL FISHER WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO GET IN! She wants affirmative action only for herself, all she had to do was hit the top 10% mark but she failed civics and basket weaving and she's A idiot! Yes, sure, wevs, I'm sorry about the goddammit word, your Nibs, but seriously, do you have a servant to remind you to blink and swallow, I mean for reals, how did you make it to 127 years old!?! JESUS CHRIST! WHADDYA MEAN CONTEMPT!?! KISS YOUR OWN ASS!!! GAHHH!!!

mrrrrmphlethuddragdragdrag



*Should drive Zombie into a frothing, room temperature rage.

An Open Letter To Gov. 'Bobby' Jindal

Mr. Grain at MockPaperScissors found this choice bit of morongravy from one Gov. 'Bobby' Jindal:

“If you can find me a Muslim candidate who is a Republican, who will fight hard to protect religious liberty, who will respect the Judeo-Christian heritage of America, who will be committed to destroying ISIS and radical Islam, who will condemn cultures that treat women as second class citizens and who will place their hand on the Bible and swear to uphold the Constitution, then yes, I will be happy to consider voting for him or her. If you can’t, I’ll settle for voting for a Christian Governor from Louisiana.”

I responded there, and want to share with my enormous, well, what's the singular of audience, here.

Dear Pi,

If you can find me a Muslim candidate who is a Republican
"In the 2000 election, approximately 70 percent of Muslims in America voted for Bush; among non-African-American Muslims, the ratio was over 80 percent." Wha' happened?

who will fight hard to protect religious liberty
The irony drips off of this loonicidal linky-doo like, something viscous and suchlike. It'd be amazing to hear a Jesus fellator, well, really, a Paul salad tosser, come out in favor of religious liberty.

who will be committed to destroying ISIS
Umm, fucking EYE-Ran?

who will condemn cultures that treat women as second class citizens
Hey, I hate the fucking Duggars too. I can Haz Air Force 1 nao?

who will place their hand on the Bible and swear to uphold the Constitution
Yes, Teh Constitution which requires no religious test. You've broken stupidity as a concept.

I will be happy to consider voting for him or her. If you can’t, I’ll settle for voting for a Christian Governor from Louisiana.

Pi, babe. Please. Listen to me.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE PRESIDENT.
You're not going to be president. Or vice president. Or get a cabinet post any more visible than, say Sec'y of Commerce. Not only are you a nobody, the base hates you. They do. My aunts and uncles, retired all, mostly stinking wealthy, republicans all, hate you because of the color of your skin, and no faded official painting in the Guv's mansion will change that.

You are not going to be going anywhere. So, please, for the sake of your own, fucking!, self-esteem, stop. And shut up.

You're the governor of Louisiana. Many historical LA guvs have ridden that grift train to wealth, serious local fame, hot and cold running scotch, and hot and hotter running vag. Enjoy what you have, dude.

Love,

paleo

Paleo Productions Presents: Pale People Privilege

Dear Burger King,

Remember when you did that tax inversion by buying Tim Hortons, coffee and cruller supplier to Canada?

You took some tough press for that. Really tough.

And, I mean, rightfully so, the decision makers at your corporate levels make me nostalgic for the good old days of tumbrels and gigantic cheese slicers.

*whisperwhisper*

My sweetie informs me that it's a French word, geeoteen. I ain'tn't so good with French, although I can generally find the wine. Oh, that's right, you now have people who speak French working for you! Huzzah! Well, enough pleasantries. Hang on to your pantaloons:

I haz your new ad campaign!!

Please to be paying muchness for it, I'm thinking mid-six figures?

Love, 

paleo

*********************************************************

Now, to be serious:

ARE YOU SODDING SERIOUS?

Parkour-boy, in McKinney, TX, attempts to throttle an unarmed, bikini-clad teen-ager, and you know he'd have shot her friends if the other cops hadn't talked him down. AND THEY. DID. NOTHING. WRONG.

Now you've got Lew Rockwell Jr., killing 9 damn people, and you not only handle the little sonuvabitch with the softest of kid gloves, he's peckish, so you buy him fast food?

And the conservatives actually want to know why us loony libs think the American Justice system is terminal?

Fuck Them

So, last night I was finally prepared to write a post again, slice of life, I've been through some ups and some serious downs recently. Seen a few great concerts, taken a couple nice short overnighters, had some successes professionally. Achieved even greater and more annoying health issues. Been outsourced. Haven't nearly completed many tasks I've set for myself.

And then I turned on the news.

And now I have some responses.

• Ms. Lindsey: “But it’s 2015, there are people out there looking for Christians to kill them,” Graham added. “This is a mean time we live in.”

GO FUCK YOURSELF.

The inbred shitball wasn't looking for 'Christians' and you fucking know it, you swizzlestick. You self-loathing gun-worshipping bloodthirsty fucking fae monster. NRA whore. Let's-you-and-him-fight. You and your long, black, hard, penis replacements "Oh-oh-oh-oh, better watch out for me after 6pm, do you wanna see my AR-15?" You fucking hack - suck a tailpipe. 

• Nikki Haley: Republican South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley gave an emotional speech at the press conference announcing the capture of the perpetrator of the Charleston church mass shooting, at one point appearing to be close to tears.

Jam a chainsaw up twixt your nethers, Nikki "No, seriously, I'm white, like Bobby Jindal, I'm a reverse Rachel Dolezal but I did it first, I iz a innovator, I am not a wog, I'm Nikki Brady!" Haley. You fucking monster, fucking vampire, fucking fuck, You. Helped. Cause. This. Take your crocodile tears and shove 'em! Not only do you happily fly the racist flag of fucking traitors, you don't even have the fucking decency, after the murder of African Americans because they are African Americans, to lower that toilet paper.

• Lil'Waynie LaLil'Peter and every member of the NRA: Came in their pants yesterday, a flood of semen not seen since the first time they watched TV wrasslin.

I've flirted with grab-the-guns rhetoric on these pages, stood on the line. Fine, you death-dealing dickhead, you win. 
GRAB THE MOTHERFUCKING GUNS.
Then melt them down and drown these pathetic possessors of 9mm penises. You cowards. You sick, worthless, useless cowards. Fuck you. 


Actually, one more.

• President Obama: "There is something particularly heartbreaking about the death happening in a place in which we seek solace and we seek peace, in a place of worship."

You know what, dude? I very often genuinely like you, I do, despite being disappoint many time. But you are genuinely so naive and sometimes flat out stupid.

- January 12, 2004 — Two white men break into a black church in Roanoke, Virginia, and cause $77,000 in damage.
- July 11, 2006 — A cross is burnt outside a black church in Richmond, Virginia.
- November 4, 2008 — Hours after President Obama’s first inauguration, three white men in Springfield, Massachusetts, doused the partially constructed Macedonia Church of God in Christ in gas and set it ablaze.
- December 28, 2010 — A white man attempting to “gain status” with a white-supremacist gang firebombs a black church in Crane, Texas. (H/T commenter SethCole, Raw Story)

The Southern Baptist Convention, always respected as a friend to all pale races who read the KJV and will never admit to watching anal porn, has stated its intention to 'declare war' on the US if gay marriage is given the stamp of approval. Yeah, Mr. President, these are fucking patriots, you fucking betcha, their asses just bleed eagles.

And so you know what?

FUCK YOU, Mr. Obama. You have taken no steps whatsoever towards reducing gun-violence. 

• After Sandy Hook? Nice speech, then nothing. 
• The fucking roaches at the Bundy ranch? Still breathing. You want to drone people? Drone those criminal amphibian molesters.
• Every motherfucking racist rat goddam pig in the nation murdering the shit out of African Americans? Darren Fucking Wilson, where your Justice Dept. took the word of a bunch of sub-literate hillbillies calling themselves cops that "We dun't do nuffim wrong to dat nigger."? Still there, except for Wilson, who retired quite nicely on his un-needed (very important word, that) defense fund - a couple million bucks in Missouri gets you your own shotgun shack in the hollers and a couple purty sisters. 

Nice speech today. Are you finally going to fucking do something?

Fuck everything.

Just A Few Brief Words On The Duggars

I'll admit it, I am taking pleasure in the hammering of the Duggar empire - those parents are filth, and dangerous. And yet, even in my schadenfreude, watching that sick fuck JimBob and the manipulative 'doormat' Michelle twist, there is a lot of anger:

EVERY CHILD IN THAT HOME NEEDS TO BE TAKEN OUT, NOW.  EVERY CHILD IN THAT HOME NEEDS TO BEGIN THERAPY, NOW. AND STAY IN THERAPY FOR A LONG TIME.

While Josh Duggar was certainly old enough to know right from wrong, and needs so badly to go to jail, he was also young enough that this was likely to be a learned behaviour. Given the number of pedophiles (twice since you let JoshBob walk? Really? You jackal!) in their life, how can you discount the possibility that the only lesson JimmyBob failed to teach Josh was how not to get caught? JimBobby was well-versed enough in the law to know 'now that authorities are aware, cover-up until the statute of limitations is passed.' (This Defamer article breaks things down pretty completely.)

Now, I know the children won't even get those basic protections, because Arkansas. I know Josh and those subhuman parents won't be going to jail, because it's nice to have friends. I know those kids, especially the 4 girls, and the 5th from outside the family, won't get therapy, because fundamentalists. I know that even if they tried to get heavy counseling, but were unable to pay for it because they have no jobs, no schooling, may be illiterate (I'm sure JB ain'tn't too concerned that wimmenz learn any sort of ciphering), and have no social skills, they could get no help with it, because Republicans.

This is fucking tragic. No one is paying attention to those girls, least of all the parents or their religion of love. No one would be paying attention to the case at all were it not such a well known family. And no one pays attention at all to the other, countless, hell, often unreported, cases of child abuse and child rape.

Two other brief things.

• To answer the charge that this is just a liberal roasting Christianity: 

Fuck you. Like most Americans, the vast majority of my acquaintances are Christian of some flavor or other. (As it happens, I work in the field of IT/content provision, and see perhaps more religious diversity in the workplace than many, but still, metric shit-ton of Christians.) My father's side of my family consists of quite observant, generally conservative Catholics. As I quite openly believe in any number of loonacidal beasties and ghosties, I can hardly discount the possibility of greater powers and greater intelligences. (The magical hirsute sky-gnome concept, that watches you, judges you, and if you molest a kid you can ask to forgive you? Not so much.) These Christians in my life are generally decent people, tolerant of other cultures to one degree or another, but unlikely to raise flame and pitchforks if a gay Muslim environmentalist public-school supporter were to move into the neighborhood. (Some of them would gossip up a bit...) I know better than to argue theology with them, but wevs, live and let live, here, Uncle Greg, have another brat.

Dominionists, on the other hand? Evil, dangerous, theocratic, traitorous, monsters.

• When articles of this sort (please, dear FSM, read TBogg) began cropping up earlier this week, I made the argument that 'every right-whing politician in Washington ran to have a picture taken with a pedophile.' 

I received some pushback, 'they had their pictures taken before it was known he was a peodophile.' Initially, I accepted the pushback, my writing may be hyperbolic but I try to be accurate. Well, now I'm pushing back. Look at teh timeline and links on that Defamer article.
- It was an open secret by 2006 that this dude fiddled kiddies. -
People knew this in 2006. 9 years ago. Prior to these political Tiger Beat layouts. POLITICIANS HAVE STAFFS TO VET THESE ACTIVITIES. These were not fan pictures because ohhh that Mitt Romney is so adorbs, these were pictures politicians chose to have taken with a famous and visible Family Research Council representative, pictures then promoted by the FRC as proof of their 'access'. So now, I will flat out make this accusation.

Either you did not vet JoshyBob because famous christian, or you vetted him, found this stuff, and decided that you didn't care because famous christian. Either is sufficient evidence that you do not belong near public office.

I have a great idea. Help those girls and jail the abusers for many long times. Then help every child living that particular hell and jail their abusers for many long times.

Then, and only then, and this had better not take longer than a couple weeks, a lot of people need help NOW, join me for a flame and pitchfork party, let's chase every decaying Dominionist bastard out of the U.S. before we lose the U.S.

One Thing We Must Address In Regards To Teh Police Run Amok

Some have observed that the cops in the US have lost their collective shit over the last several...

...presidential administrations.

Far from promoting law and order, many cops have become the shock troops for the multinationals, for the american filth, the rich.

There's a touch of reform that must take place. Start with firing, then jailing, 95% of them and starting over, with appropriate training, and unions beholden to the actual needs of the actual cops, not a union leadership beholden only to their own political ambitions and positions and the rich cocks their lips are grafted to.

All of this is by way of introducing one truly vital reform.

There is a thought, that has become all too common in public discourse, that is so, so annoyingly wrong, has bothered me for quite some time, and must be fixed first. I was reminded of it today in this AD post about some San Francisco cops walking the unemployment line. The money shot?:

Furminger himself also texted a civilian his own address with the title: “White power family.”

Civilian.

Cops have long taken to referring to non-cops as 'civilians', to separate themselves, puff 'em up a little. The usage has become common.

Fuck that noise.

Cops are civil authorities. Part of civil society. They do not enforce, interpret, deal with in any way, 'martial' (military) law. When martial law is declared, it is enforced by military personnel, and civil niceties, like trials and rights, kinda fall by the wayside. Kinda the opposite of how cops are supposed to be. When cops forget that they are not part of civil society, or claim to be outside civil society, it makes it so much easier for them (and for too many cops this was already too goddamn easy) to become the terrorists of Ferguson, of New York City, of Albuquerque, of Maricopa County.

The police must be educated as to who they are, and who they serve. They are civilians, they serve civil law in the general society. If this is not step one, I say then, not expecting disagreement, that it is well within the top two.

Thoughts?

A Rather Hostile Post On Religion

I don't usually wade too deep into the religion wars, save those occasions where I can mock useless motherfuckers who desperately need to suck on a tailpipe. Joel Osteen. Pope Benny the Inquisitor (1). Zombie Falwell. Can't-Believe-The-Douchemule-Is-Still-Animate Robertson. I have made the point that while I believe in too many random weirdnesses to consider myself an atheist, any organized religion is an evil, devoid of morals, never more than a complicated grift. All of them. Destroyers of the human state, that of being inquisitive, creative, thinking, social creatures. At best they are authoritarian cocksuckers, at their worst, record-breaking killers. Stuff.

Today, however, for whatever syzygy has taken place, I am rather cross with the Roman Empire for going about things half-assed, and starving their kitty-cats.

Arkansas. State Motto, 'Why?'. (h/t Raw Story)
You genuinely heartless rodent molesters. Yeah, I know it's Arkansas and all, one state sharing 21 chromosomes and 19 teeth. 

"paleo, you're shocked? This behaviour belied even your already low expectations of the goddamn south?"

Truthfully, no. It is for those good, god-fearing parishioners, who gave the mother an envelope of clippings stating that her son was already burning, that I sometimes wish there was a hell. You pissants deserve each other, and to judge by the number of recessive genes creeping out here and there, y'all know it, too. I award you one diesel exhaust pipe and a couple million sets of breathing masks.

This Willfully Ignorant Kneebiter doesn't even try to hide the grift. (h/t Raw Story)
Ken Ham. The Encyclopedia of American Loons has a good breakdown, but I must disagree strongly with some of his diagnosis, where he calls Ham an '(unintentional) con artist.' Nor do I think Kenny is especially stupid. 

Oh, he's certainly not going to be the next Nobel Nominee in, say, anything, but this ongoing episode shows the whole damn thing as a grift, and rather successful. Ken Ham, I award you your very own martyr's spit, book of Kwik Trip matches (only the highest quality for such a task), and a lot of THHN wire that I need to take the insulation off of before I turn in the copper.

If you deluded hatemongers want to play politics, pay taxes. (h/t RightWingWatch)
Nuff said. I award the cretin a 1976 Ford Granada, cerulean but somewhat rusty, and an inoperable garage door.

While I don't expect any of these lizard bastards to take advantage of the generosity and the deep pondering that went into the administration of this contest and the trophies given. I can hope. Because I really, really, hate these societal vampires.

One more, brand new to me, and obviously there are details yet to be, ummm, detailed, but taking this at face value, my only question is 'Where is the nearest megachurch?'. (h/t Raw Story)

I really, really, re-a-a-a-l-l-y detest these peckerwoods.

(1) I'm not sure if I'm ashamed, or surprised, if I'm being buffaloed, or if I'm actually reading him right, but I'm inclined to like Francis. Yeah, he's made no progress on any minute advance in Vatican policies from the 40, 50, 80, whatever number of bloodthirsty criminals preceded him, they are still as medievally misanthropic as ever. But I give him credit for seemingly being genuine about living up to the vow of poverty, and big props for infuriating the USCCB and especially Burke's demotion. If he were to start defrocking diddlers en masse and turning over records of the 'penitents' to local DAs, I'd willingly shake his hand.

Clearly, God Drinks. A Bit.

Look. Just look. Or don't. It will be better for your brain if you don't.

This has made the rounds. Some observations per paleo:

1. Look at the smile. Either some lunatic Fox-addled 89 year old teabagger just donated his Socialism Security check to the Ceremonial Palin Pool Endowment, otherwise known as SARAHPAC, or she is having teh buttsechs right there. Of the two, Imma prefer it be the sign of a successful grift, as there are people who find pleasure, passion, hell, even utility, in buttsechs. Let me put it this way: of Sarah or buttsechs, I would not vote for Sarah for Vice President.
2. 'Fuc_ You' - Two options here, ignoring the name 'Michael Moore', which they could copy out of any web post by Hate-Gnome Michelle Malkin or Falafel Bill O'Ragey, so that's easy, or have daughter Drano transcribe. But, the word 'fuck'. Four letters. That's a lot of letters, hell, nearly five, especially if they have to make it to 'U'. I could see the "But Sarah Wanked At Me" club having that difficulty. The second option is that they believe they have invented their own Enigma Machine, and the libs won't catch the hidden meaning. Ummm. So, isn't Princess Sudafed Of The Wasilla Crystal Fest a big Jesus-beater? I thought that fucking moral goddam motherfuckers didn't use the fucktastic word 'fuck' at all?
3. The finely drawn, I must know the make of the protractor they must have used, gunsights in the name 'Michael Moore'. So, errr, when The Woman With The Blue Meth Colored Eyes put gunsights on the locations of Democratic congresspeople, getting Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords (D. AZ) shot and six people, including a little kid, killed, you bloodthirsty grift-bitch, she claimed they were surveyor marks showing the districts of the congresspeople. Which district is Michael Moore representing?
4. Imma also guess she's hammered. She's in Iowa right now with Michele Bachmann downing Diesel and worrying that Marcus is conversion therapying Todd. Yes, I wrote that. Share it with your spouses.

Please run for President, Empress Cariboufucker. Please. I have to see this. Seriously.

Okay, Now The Universe Is Just Mocking Me

Two stories in the news recently:

Southern Twatwaffles Demonstrate Their Patriotism And Racism (from Salon)
Yes, those oh so proud Merkins south of the Masie-Dixie Line (and presumably Indiana, Pennsyltucky, Cincinnati) have (admittedly, apparently not celebrated much at the official level in most of those places, but still on the books) holidays celebrating the birthday of Bobby (Brutal Slaveholder) Lee. Also, (admittedly), most pre-dated MLK day. So fucking what. You have a holiday celebrating a military commander who gave up his oath to take up arms against his country and his fellow US. Army personnel. Are you merely trying to reach Gary Busey levels of self-awareness, or is there a longer term plan/larger goal? (The answer is no.)

Holly Hobby Lobby Cheats On Husband In Military Service, Finds Jesus, No Humor Erupts (h/t Addicting Info)
Holly Fisher (I have no problems using her name - she put herself in the public eye the first time she found Jesus) was a highly visible campaigner for the Hobby Lobby corporation shitting on half of the human race. She then cheated on her active duty military husband. She then got caught. She then found Jesus again. She then gained fans, and her existing fans became more rabid.

Comment the first, on the Confederate Pig-Fellators (my own comment at Sadly! No.). The comment itself is in answer to: why do Democrats not vote as much as we should, and could it be because we sense we are already doomed. It's also on topic for this post.

How do you fight that, though? 

A traitorous bastard. Who lost. Yeah, he had moments of military brilliance, and the almost insane dedication of the members of ANV, but the question was never really in doubt, he was never going to be able to significantly impact the manufacturing bases of the North, nor could he ever match the North in sheer numbers – we invented the zerg rush. The best he could have hoped for was the ’63 campaign where he hoped to take Washington DC and then sue for peace. Meanwhile, Sherman was half-heartedly informing the South in general of the poor political choices made by their leadership. And Lee knew all of that, and was asked to serve his country, and said ‘hell with you, I like slavery!’. 

And for the south, mentioned several times in several documents, from their POV it was all about teh people-owning. Lincoln as much as said all he wanted to do was preserve the Union, slavery or not – this was power-play as much and more than principle. 

Educational assessment has changed since No Child Learning Basics so that rankings of states for educational achievement no longer really mean anything – everyone is teaching to the test. I don’t remember, nor actually would have ever had a reason to know, how Arkansas stood in rankings before NCLB, but like most southern states of the time (I do remember, for many years, Mississippi being 50th in state rankings, that high because there were only 50 states) I suspect that the majority of children received educations lacking in the learning of stuff. That’s how you end up with this sort of truly amazing bullshit. 

HM, your point is good,re: liberals and not voting because we’re convinced we’re probably doomed. I wonder how much of a factor in that POV is because we can’t even begin to see what it would take to save these goddamn morons from themselves. And how much effort and time and, sad to say but this is in the calculation, money, can we spare? I want to save the kids, but their parents are so, often willfully, stupid that I can’t help but want to just say go to hell. 

2 cents.

I'm not a Civil War scholar, and am happy to take criticism/correction if I've missed or mis-stated anything, but I think I'm basically correct.

Comment the second on Holly.

Are you fucking kidding me.

No, seriously. It's time to turn paleo loose. I'm gonna screw everything, men, women, Ford Fairlanes, ceiling fans. Imma invent new sexual positions - 69? You puss. I'm going for the 276. I'm gonna deal metamucil in old folks homes, first shot free to get them hooked. I'm then going to find Jesus, probably in my bubble bath after a quality mexican meal, and run for President on the Romneybot v.2032/paleo ticket.

We're fucked! W00t!1!!!

An Open Letter To The Modern Thomas Pain(e)s

So, I've been on Twitter for a while. (twitterwhore: @paleotectonics). 

I don't often use it to try to engage, don't even typically look at the timeline. I don't believe it is even really possible to debate with 140 characters - I consider myself primarily a polemicist, so, admittedly, that can be fun, but I can get more creative here. I mostly just use it to talk to the friends I've made and abuse radio show hosts. 

Now, this morning, I did breeze through my timeline. (Every once in a while I look at Yahoo and Youtube comments, as well. These are not good places. Mostly just reminders that Adventure Time is prophecy and not the result of psilocybin and Benadryl.)  One of the folk I follow is Trix (@commiegirl1) of Wonkette, and she got into an brief exchange this AM, probably nothing much to her at her level of notability, but one of the tracks she was in contained a quote I found rather illustrative.

Liberals are Americans who hate the ideals that made America free & prosperous. They poison the water of freedom

Ferpplt. The frak. Hmmm. K.

Dear Modern Day Martin Luthers,

WHO IN THE BARKING HELL TALKS LIKE THAT?

Okay, Eustis, I realize you believe you are channelling Thomas Jefferson(1). I realize your talking points are filled with this gargle. I realize you have gone through pallets of cardboard, boxes of markers, and hours upon hours with rulers creating masterpieces of political philosophy.

THE BLLOD OF PARATRIOTS IS THE SUMP OF AMERICAN IRRIGATION

THIS TRICORNER HAT IS JUSTICE 

OUR FOUR FATHERS ATE AT THE LOAF OF GOD

There's a reason we mock you. Gleefully, in my case. You not only do not address a single argument, you can't seem to get near the topic. Paul Krugman says that the math and the evidence/experience shows that raising the minimum wage doesn't hurt the economy. You respond BIRTHCERTIFICATEGHAZI. Bill Nye gives his likely valuable time to Ken Ham in a quixotic attempt to educate him, of all people. Ham responds with godidit and by attempting to game the tax system and most existing labor laws. 

I'm certain you are an inspiration. Your garden gnomes remain standing throughout your whole howl. If it rains, you've inspired gawd to fix your irrigation. If the wind blows, you've inspired gawd to dry you the hell off after the rain. Congratulations. But.

Our country has legitimate problems, and the adults need to work on it. So you go find tricorners for your lego city denizens, or work on your discourse. If you don't like the minimum wage, give an actual reason. If you don't like President Obama, give a legitimate reason. I didn't like President FootiePajamas, and for reasons, not having anything to do with the fact that he was a dry-drunk coke-fiend puppet to his Vice President. Unknown trillions lost in a crusade in the Middle East. The attempt to privatize Social Security. His letting New Orleans drown while rebuilding Trent Lott's vacation home. 

Step up your game, or go sit in the stands, chief.

Love, paleo



(1)Or, perhaps, more likely, Jefferson Davis.  Possibly Jefferson Sessions, R-AL, Kleagle of the Klowncil Of Klitizens, District South. Unlikely George Jefferson, East Side, Deluxe Apartment In The Sky.