Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Frothing Bullet Eruption Is My Rebecca Black Cover Band Name

I've had a hard time following/commenting on politics lately. Not that I haven't, I've compared politicians to offal and teabaggers to tripe many times in the last few 46 years. But I'm having a hard time keeping perspective, or any sense of humor about it.

Hobby Lobby. Let's Sue The President For The Same Shit President Drooler And Vice President Shooter Did A Thousand Times. How Many Smokie Link Sized Republican Cocks Can Luke Russert Fit In His Orifi At Once. Has Governor Half Term Finally Boned The Shark. Murrieta. The last one will make another appearance

I'm a proud freak, a genuine weirdo. I believe in Bigfoot. I believe in ghosties. Not all people reporting UFOs are hallucinating or mistaken. I also believe in science. How many earthquakes must occur in Oklahoma before the inbred populace picks up on the fact that Grannie Erma is less interested in sex than she was before, and also she fell down a 500 ft. sinkhole, and oh, hey, there is a fracking operation on our patio, they paid me $49.95 for the rights and fuck you, commie.

Why do I juxtapose crypto-science and mainstream science?

The freak in me thinks mainstream scientists can be arrogant and pig-headed, and would not risk their precious reputations on the study of anything not already proven to exist. The scientist in me thinks most crypto-researchers have difficulty with the scientific method. In both cases, I am right. The two camps vociferously disagree with one another, and yet...

Bill Nye, the Science Guy, who I sacrifice a bull to daily, gave time to Ken Ham to debate whether Adam and Eve and their, for no particularly good reason, incredibly genetically diverse offspring rode a stegosaurus to the apple tree. (Note: They didn't.) Stephen Hawking has yet to mount an RPG to The Captain's Chair and go 'reason' with Lord Viscount Monckton. (Although, Dr. Hawking, we would make a fortune on PPView. I'll only take 60%. Productions fees and such. Stuff.) Although I've never met the men, as portrayed on TV, Matt Moneymaker (Finding Bigfoot) and Zak Bagens (Ghost Adventures) are complete doofi and go a long way to making the crypto-scientists look foolish.

I have yet to stalk Moneymaker with a silver bullet, or wire the Ed Hardy aisle at the Target where I suspect Bagans spends all the money to 13.8kV. There are shouting matches at conferences. There are, after 5 or 36 beers, shoving matches at conferences.

AIN'TN'T NO GUNFIRE OR BUGZAPPERS AT CONFERENCES.

Now. politics. And in the news, the central American child refugee crisis.

Sweet FSM, but the RWNJ's have completely lost their shit. The children, refugees under a Bush era law, and just looking to get to live someplace with fewer gunshots (boy, did they go the wrong direction), need food, water, social workers. What do they get instead?


"Oh, but paleo, with modern cameras, they can do 17,000 exposures per second, and then some liberal picked out the worst ones. Like when Michele Bachmann's eyes rolled back in her head eating a corndog, realizing she hadn't deep-throated anything of this particular shape since high school. And when Marcus Bachmann's eyes rolled back in his head when eating a corndog, realizing he hadn't deep-throated anything of this particular shape since Tuesday."


You know what, imaginary right-wing screwhead, you're right. And so this may be exposure 17,000,


but 1/17,000 of a second earlier, she was hugging the children, and 1/17,000 of a second later, she had adopted a busload and taken them to her strawberry farm for reasons. (Oh, and lady, I ain'tn't certain, I don't know you, and I suspect I would endure greater joy taking a golf-ball to the yarbles than to decipher your HTea-ML, but your kids are snacking on McNuggets, playing Mario Brothers 17 - Jesus Slays the Turtles, and are scheduled for a measles party Saturday night. The refugee children have been vaccinated and WALKED ACROSS FUCKING MEXICO. To hell with your water-headed cabbages, dear.)

There are folks in Michigan, otherwise known as Alabama with snow, home of Ted Nugent, who it must be pointed out is about 18months off on his predictionalizing, who have proposed mining the border. You know what, you hookers, let's see how goddam serious you are about protecting your borders. Take out the Ambassador Bridge to Windsor, Ont. 

What, what's the difference, they's all furriners ain't they's? Thought so. Fornicate yourself.

Humanity sucks, kids. 

That's why I prefer reading about Bigfoot to the attempt to analyse most people. Plus I get less stabby, and Sweetie has informed me many times she prefers not to be a prisoner's wife.

Meh, I'm about a quarter drunk, the doggeh needs his walk yet, and I have to wake up in about several fewer hours. Just, where'd we go wrong as a species? Is the theory of devolution ahead of its time?





Monday, July 7, 2014

Luxury, We'd Have Been Thrilled For An Armageddon Level Event

I've never had any particular fear of flying my freak flag.

I believe in ghosts. Bigfeets. UFOs.

To be consistent, I suppose I must allow for the possibility of some Prime Mover of the universe. It may not be turtles all the way down. To be truly honest, cuz' I iz a geek I'd prefer the Norse pantheon, but I'm drifting off point.

The possibility of a Prime Mover then must allow the, now slimmer, possibility of The Bearded Sky Daddy (TM), watching us, protecting us, keeping video of the better masturbation sessions. This is less likely, to my mind, reasoning that if he is protecting and judging us, and choosing heaven versus hell, to read the stories and to see the world as it is, he is a capricious bastard who sucks at his job. Not to mention, any heaven/hell based, eternal reward/eternal fire type of faith denies free will, when you break it down to the quark level, and I refuse, I have my own damn free will, make my own decisions, take responsibility, to the best of my ability, for them.

Jesus? The Red Words are actually nifty, seriously, Jesus in and of his own bad self, as written and quoted, was kinda nifty, but I defy you to find one Real True Christian who has ever read the Red or who has taken them to heart. Whoops, found a point.

I do not believe in Religion (TM). As a whole, religion has never been able to balance the scales by doing enough good to counteract the evil of their very existence.

Some religions do help a bit, pass out food and clothing without prozelytizing.

Some religions build new palaces.

Pope Frank talks the talk, and appears to be trying to walk the walk. (BTW, Mr. Pope, triple your security. Please. I'm somewhat inclined to like you. No more Benedicts.)

Pope Clarence Antonin Anthony Sammybaby Roberts has a misogyny issue. (Does we needz a link? Read any newspaper from last week.) A bit. And a believing science issue. A bit. And fuck the poors, by the way, if they have a problem, they should buy their own Justices. Bicthez.

Once upon a time, I went to a Unitarian church. It didn't stick, but for the winter celebration the opening song was from Bruce Cockburn.

Sweetie and I actually joined a Catholic Church to get married. Primarily for the parents, but we were not trying to use them, we joined in good faith. The only fondness I had from church as a child was as a community-type thingy. Then Mr. Priest, upon finding out Sweetie's first husband was muslim, didn't react well or appropriately. Then, Mr. Archbishop Nienstadt, a true walking collection of yeast infection, took money from the coffers to build homeless shelters fight like a rabid amphibian against marriage equality in MN. Bye, oh high and mighty melonheaded bastards.

Things are a touch weighted in one direction, is what Imma saying. Not the good one.

Can we get past this?

Faith is faith, and good on ya if you have it in whatever. I have my beliefs, and I sleep okay. But these organizations are a touch less than useful, and a touch more than criminal fuckers.

Uggh.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Life In The House Of paleo

So, it's been a few months.

First week of May, Sweetie had a knee replacement.

She'd been in pain for about 4 years, starting when she had some arthroscopic surgery to trim cartilage. I myself am convinced that this whole mess began because she was not given physical therapy after this first knee. She then favored that knee until the second was wrecked, needing similar arthroscopic surgery. PT was prescribed this time, but she know used the repaired but not corrected first knee in favor of the second, re-wrecking the first. The second knee followed up with falling apart, a few years of treatment, cortisone, a distinctly woo-pitching chiropractor, and ending with ridiculous pain in both and a need for pain killers to go buy bread. Back to the knee replacement.

So, they vegematicized her left knee. Or right. I can tell compass directions easily, left and right floozlify me. A week in the hospital, home. We had her parents here to help, get her to PT, help her with exercises, getting in and out of bed. She's a great lady, braver than I, she did very well. (In-laws only drove me to rage a half a dozen times, only drove me to homicidal rage once. I appreciate their help, but goddammit.) She did so well that she asked if she could push the schedule on her second knee up, from late 2015 to late June. We discussed the matter - I was all for the next surgery with one big caveat: all she could do in the meeting with the orthopedist was ask. She could not sell him on it, he had to be entirely on board on his own.

So, June 17 she had a knee replacement. Right knee, now. Fuckin' A bubba, she is so much braver than I. Surgery went well, but this time, for both practical reasons (not wanting to wreck the first knee healing the second) and for other practical reasons (I generally genuinely like my in-laws and can't afford the quicklime or shallow grave, the inevitable results of another 3 week stay), she went to transitional care/therapy. Again, she performed like a champ, and came home on, well, shucks, the symbolism gives me a crick in my stuff, Independence Day. Doesn't mean independence, per se, I have been helping her, accompanying her. We have basically spent the last few days alone in the house, couch and bed, bullshitting, loving pets, eating too well, it has been, with it's own medical stresses, a wonderful weekend. There's a recovery ahead of us still, but I am a very happy paleo!

I have had to fight the fishing gods to make my boat obey my commands, but have been out a few times. I still either have to fix a trolling motor, or put a rope on it and use it as an anchor.
19" Largemouth. And character from 'The Wall'

The dog, Jaxson, is 65# of cool. Also bloody insane. Possibly possessed.

MAH PUPPEH!!!
Life is not all peach and lobster stew. I have finished spring PM season, and it were tough. Also, the company is 'exploring' the big 'O'. Not not the fun one, outsourcing. Imma trying to polish my resume and update my CV as much as possible before the fall decision is made. Bastards. Meantime, I have one arm that is largely non-functional (gotta see the orthopedist myself), so I'm fairly certain I'm not going back into construction.

NEVERTHELESS, MY WIFE IS HOME. I am so happy I could dance! (Well, step dance. Non-functional left arm.) I will not complain! That's for the next post.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

If The Nuns Could See Me Now

Yay, it's Easter Eve!

At midnight, teh babby Jesus travels the world in his magical cart, drawn by 8 tiny rabbits and a beagle if I remember my miffology*, with the hole under the seat so he can lay eggs and M&Ms for good children all around the world as long as they are not heathens, who should be droned, but at the very least will burn in lakes of sulfur for eternity because love...

It will also be the end of Lent, and I must say I'm thrilled, bursting with pride, that I have lived up to my resolution of not going to bed sober for 6 weeks. Alas, all good thingies must end, but this one will be tough...

Traffic to work yesterday was brilliant, open roads, odd because the TwinCities commuting scene, while not as stabbishly universally recognized as say, LA, can suck econo. Curious... Oh wait, everything shuts down for a Christian holiday. Wall Street closed. Can you imagine that collection of coke-fueled monsters closing for Diwali? People at my place of work have the right to take off Good Friday. I clearly need religion. Persecuted christians my dimpled genitalia.

Just as an illustration of how amazingly cool and attractive Christianity is, when they were trying to impose their bullshit, they would Borg the area festivals and retcon some bits to appease the local population. Hence, a baby born surrounded by sheep shit, more or less the common experience of shepherds, gets flowered up with pine trees and a fabulously generous, alcoholic, probable diabetic, old dude with a habit of dressing flash. For Easter, instead of

"Jesus Fucking Christ! ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE! Whoah, dude, how long you been buried?!? Febreze or something, man!"

becomes painting eggs, treasure hunts, and CHOCOLATE!!!

The world is going to hell in an Easter basket.


* And yes, the greatest philosopher of the 20th century, barring maybe Theodore Geisel, is Charles Schultz. If you disagree, you are tragically wrong.
_______________________________

Just a few brief bits of news, as my posting habitrail has been next to non-existent.

July 29, the day before my birfday, Barenaked Ladies in Sioux Falls SD. Little goddam far to drive, 4 and a half hours, but my favorite band ever and suchlike, and probably sack out in Nebraska with teh in-laws.

This is Jaxson now, about 55#, likely to become a touch heavier but not probably expand much more. Density, etc. An issue there is that he can already kick my ass, which is a thing because I occasionally has to remind him who is alpha dog.
I love my doofuspuppy!!!

2 more weekends of overnight Saturday preventive maintenance and I ain'tn't got diddly until September. Therefore, fish, feel threatened. Imma personally endanger yer asses.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

I Could Be Famous And Evil If I Had No Moral Structure, Too!

I love Wisconsin. I'm from western WI, and spent much of my life in Badgerland. I know everywhere to hunt and fish, the best camping, breweries, strip clubs. Friends and family throughout the state, Eau Claire, La Crosse, Hayward, Janesville, Madison (80 square miles surrounded by reality), Milwaukee. Home of ghosts and beasties, Ridgeway, the Beast Of Bray Road, Elmwood, Cashton, Crex Meadows. This is why is hurts so much to see the quality of Wisconsin politicians.

La Crosse, where I grew up, has a history of wishy-washy centrists, the mayors I grew up with (primarily Patrick Zielke) being blandly business/COC/Elks Club friendly, up to the congressional level, with the current congressman, Ron Kind, being a damnable Blue Dog, and the prior, Steve Gunderson, a moderate (when there use to be such a thing) Republican.
At the state level, Herb Kohl, nominally Democratic but treated the Senate seat as his due, as the inevitable end game to his wealth, and then did NO-THING with it. Thomas Thompson, Tommy to his masters, far and away the dumbest sibling of an otherwise rather successful family. Ron Johnson, who took Feingold's seat in the 2010 debacle (please vote!, bitches!!!), gleeful teabagger, got schooled by Hillary Clinton. And finally, Paulie (Pecs) Ryan, famed fabricator, took social security while belonging to one of Wisconsin's successful business families, who incidentally made much of the family money via government contract - while calling us lesser folks, who might be relying on a pension or social security, 'moochers'.* 

I bring Roidboy up last, as he has been in the news for his CPAC experiences, primarily his speech and LIES!!!!!! about a brown bag lunch
I want to focus on one line from that pile of shit.
"People don't just want a life of comfort--they want a life of dignity."
First of all, no shit. Ass. But also, hey, who has been hell bent on taking away that dignity, for years?! Who is calling the poor 'takers', 'looters', suggesting that those who do not have property should have the franchise taken away from them? Who suggested that working three jobs to make ends meet is 'uniquely american'? (And by the way, Georgie, suck on a tailpipe.) Who blamed inner city issues (whoa, my puppy's ear just perked up. What the hell?) on a lack of work ethic, justified by the 'studies' of Charles Murray?**

It's you, Paulie, you and your co-hoard, claiming that those what ain't got much ain't got pride, that if you ain't got none you didn't deserve none. Good Catholic St. Paulie who ordered a soup kitchen to re-open so he could photo-op his way into the hearts of americans. You're a genuinely horrible person, P-Ry. Lying about marathons, about the 14'ers.**** You got yours, fuck everyone else. Forcing your staffers to read the completely inadequate book (but excellent building materiel) Atlas Shrugged. You never watched Diff'rent Strokes because it was too racially provocative. You. Are. A Weed.

UPDATE: ARE YOU STINKING KIDDING ME? Scott Fitzgerald, Senate Majority leader of WI, blocks a bill to benefit to cancer patients, treating oral cancer meds the same as intravenous treatments, potentially saving patients', well, everything. Shocker - Fitzie's brother is a pharmaceutical lobbyist. My beloved Wisconsin, why are you not running these assholes out of state with pitchforks!?!?!


*FYI, I don't care that he took survivors benefits, he was entitled (SWIDT!) to the benefits his father had earned. But he's a hypocrite and proven public liar.
**Oh, wait, that one was Paulie. Who then claimed he was speaking inarticulately.***
***This is inarticulate. 


Paulie just slipped and spoke his mind.

****From the Gawker article,
Paul Ryan was at the very first Train show.
 What a beautiful way to say "douchebag".

Monday, March 10, 2014

In Which paleo Is Bugged And Wishes To Stand On A Soap Box For A Few Minnows

The other day I was shooting the shit with an acquaintance. He’s in most ways a genuinely decent guy, devoted family guy, outdoorsman, stand-up type, I’d have no issue trusting him.

You are hearing a ‘but’.

But, he is very conservative. Constitution/Libertarian party. He knows I am a raging liberal, and we try to avoid politics. The exchange the other day was, inadvertently, my fault. I was laughing at news from CPAC when I ran into him, Paul Ryan lying his ass off about liberal parents and brown bag lunches.

(all quotes are paraphrases, best I can, and making me look fantastic and smarter than I am)

Naturally, he was curious. Then defensive. Big Lyin’ Ryan fan. “Oh, those are liberal sites.”

Wevs. PaulieDude has already apolo-lied, and liberally spread the blame with a bit of a perimeter around himself.

Then “you got your liberal president, and Hillary Clinton running the next time”. Followed by me metaphorically beating my head against a wall – “Bullshit. I voted for Obama, and occasionally like the guy. He is not a liberal, by any stretch. Clinton is not a liberal by any stretch. I’d kill to vote for a liberal.” “Obama is the most socialist president we’ve ever had-” “Again, bullshit. I’m a socialist. Obama is a lite republican on a good day. I voted for him because the alternatives by the time of the general campaign, Romney and McCain&Palin, or any republican clown, were too horrifying to contemplate. I am a liberal. I like freedom, dammit.”

This surprised him a bit. “Freedom?”

“Yeah. You cannot be a republican and believe in freedom.”

“Well, what do you mean by that?”

I terminated the conversation at that point, no upside for me to be engaging in open political warfare with this dude, and besides his dreadfully confused political views, I like the guy.

What I would say given the choice, however?

The United States as a whole is far and away the wealthiest country on earth. (And as I was writing that I started to spell “company”, which is the clear goal of the CPACBaggers. Paging Doc Freud?)

We can afford health care, unencumbered by profit corporations and the real death panels, and the whims of religious sociopaths who don’t believe in the science that gave them their jobs as pharmacists and doctors. Under most circumstances, a bankruptcy due to medical costs is a sign of a morally bankrupt society. You want innovation? Take some guy, formally educated or just interested in a topic, thoughtful, who needs to keep a full time pathetic-wage job to keep insurance, or several full-time minimum-wage jobs to afford insurance, and give him a chance to invent, create, play, learn, and you’ll see some damned innovation.

We can afford infrastructure. This may be the only crisis in the United States greater than the health care crisis. (In neither instance do I use ‘crisis’ lightly.) More and more people cannot trust their fucking TAP WATER. The way-y-y-y too many being poisoned by corporations (who, if they are ‘people’, need some damn jail time) are a drop compared to the number of people whose city water supply and sewage disposal are more and more sharing the same waterways. The people driving to work about to do the Minnesota Shuffle on some bridge that has been condemned for 30 years. The schools that don’t really need a new Vikings stadium so much as having the asbestos removed, and perhaps some environmental controls, hell, a window air conditioner if nothing else. Freedom from fuckin’ TB, for chrissakes.

We can afford education. I would dispute that schools are necessarily top heavy in personnel, as many of the ‘vice principals in charge of fryer oil’ go by other titles as well, such as 5th grade social studies teachers and maybe see another $500 a year for that principleship. Teachers are trained and educated and need to be paid like it, and worked a helluva lot harder in college than some damn cookie-cutter frat-fuck MBA. We can afford gym class and arts education – if something has to go due to budget constraints, might I suggest the league sports, waste of time and space. Teach the kids. If the NFL wants a farm system, let them pay for it. Freedom to have a chance. It’s not a hard calculation to do.

We can afford basic nutrition, especially for our neediest, kids, the elderly. The lunchroom admin in Utah who threw away kids lunches needs to be beaten a lot. The MN legislators who applauded and cheered after cutting Meals On Wheels in MN need to be beaten with the lunchroom admin from Utah. And yes, there are healthy adults who, from no fault of their own, who need and deserve food. And yes yes, there are healthy adults who, from fault of their own, need and deserve food. Yeah, there can be conditions, but those conditions must start with feeding the people. Then job training, then job help, then education help. I don’t care that Marcus Bachmann complains that it will cut into his brie and KY budget for his Thursday poker nights, because first of all, he’s lying, and second of all, he’s really lying. Again, you want to see innovation? Take some kid who’s a damn genius but can’t think at school because the cheapest way to get him breakfast is ramen, and turn him loose with some energy, let him thunk about learnin’ as opposed to how many days in a row he’s had Corn King hot dogs for supper. Freedom from suffering. Life can be hard, life can occasionally be cruel. But we don’t need to increase the cruelty, and we can afford to assuage it somewhat. Read the RED WORDS, conservatives.

Women are different from men. Yep. Also, men are different from men. Women are different from women. And, some men and women are similar. Take your gender bullshit and shove it up your gender-specific orifice, righties. Women get birth control covered. Women get to control their bodies, including the choice to terminate a pregnancy, and the choice to keep a pregnancy, and don’t you ever minimize their agency. If she wants to be a housewife, good for her. If she wants to be a CEO, good for her, and beat, with the MN legislators who applauded and cheered after cutting Meals On Wheels in MN, anyone trying to obstruct her way to either destination.

There are people who are not white men, and not only are they not like white men, they are sometimes not like each other. And, sometimes, they are like white men. Or act as a bloc because they are like each other. So fucking what. Let them pick their own destination and shut the hell up.

Never be under the illusion that a corporation gives a damn about the United States, you, their own grandmothers (They're people right? Must have grannies.) The owe your community a return on the commons provided that allows them to make money. Don't poison people. Don't run your workers through a bandsaw. A little community investment wouldn't suck. The commons owes them infrastructure in return, roads, cops, educated workforce. All they owe you is a fair day’s pay for a fair day’s work. All you owe them is a fair day’s work for a fair day’s pay. Either of you may negotiate terms, both of you must live up to agreed terms. The best way to do this is the union structure, with healthy government enforcement, but I’ll listen to other ideas. Just in my own experience, unions are the proven way. Some unions need internal cleanup, some quite a bit of cleanup, they are made of people, same as soylent green, but that is yet another reason for workers to get organized and get active. Most corporations are completely corrupted by greed, need extensive internal cleanup, and are incapable of it. They must be brought to heel by the consumer, as an individual entity, and as a commons represented by government, and the workforce.

Eh, maybe 7 cents worth of dimestore philosophy, but I wanted to write it. There’s more, but it frequently involves Sasquatches and a mild messianic complex, so I’ll leave it there.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

The Minnesota Family Council, Proudly Protecting Sphincters Since the Black Guy Got In The White House, Cries HAVOC! And Let Mah Special Snowflake Killim A Queer

My favorite group of Krusaders is Krying and Kicking their feets because the State of Minnesota has dared to be attentive to a need of its citizens. In an attempt to stop the bullying that led to the suicide deaths of several kids in the last couple of years (warning – reading this article will make me want to choke the living shit out of every asshole in the MFC) (you may remember Michele Bachmann saying nothing at all about a cluster of deaths in the largest school district in her congressional district, yay Batshit Shely!), and against ferocious resistance from Minnesota Christians, delaying the bill entirely too long, the Minnesota state Senate is preparing to take up an anti-bullying bill.

I am on the Cowards Against Colon Caressing mailing list - sometimes my blood pressure gets low, but like an answer to a prayer, I can always count on them to send out something so pathetically paranoid and stupid as jack that shit right back into the stratosphere. Let’s unpack this a touch, I don’t have a real talent for fisking* but lemme try.

IMPORTANT ACTION ALERT:
GNOMEAGGEDON!!! BENYAHTZEE! WHAT?!! WHAT!?!

The Bullying Bill (H.F. 826) will be heard in the Senate Finance Committee Thursday morning!
Whew. Good news, I’m pleased, I wasn’t going to go full prepper due to the alert, but this bill has got to be finally more or less a slam dun-

The time to act is NOW to stop this bill that will harm our children, keep parents in the dark, and undermine our schools' ability to do what is best for our kids! 
 -the fuck? So this is gonna be one of the 300/190 mornings?

So why is a bill that claims to make schools safe from bullying such a bad bill, and why should I care? 

Oh yes. Enlighten me and stuff. Allow me to fetch my pearls and vapor thingie. P’raps a couch. 4 grams of happy shrooms. To the Gaggle. And such.

1. The bill does NOT protect ALL students from bullying.

Any serious effort to protect children from bullying must be an effort to protect ALL children. Singling out certain "types" of children as "worthy" of protection is NOT the right approach. 

readreadread Damned if they’re not right. This is all disabilities, lgbt, minority, cyberbullying, looks like white quarterbacks driving dad’s old beemer are fair game! (takes off sunglasses - YYYEEEEAAAAAHHHH!)

2. The bill leaves parents in the dark.

A genuine effort to protect children from bullying should require that parents be notified if their child is bullied or accused of bullying. Parents have a right to know.

“Parents In The Dark”. Izzat what “notifying the parent of the reported target of the prohibited conduct, the parent of the actor engaged in the prohibited conduct…” means? Whoodathunkt, wow.


3. The bill defines "bullying" so broadly that children can be punished for merely "offending" someone by expressing a belief or opinion. 
An appropriate approach to addressing bullying clearly defines the prohibited behavior so kids know what they can be punished for, and ENCOURAGES the respectful sharing of differing ideas, opinions, and beliefs since an atmosphere of understanding will truly prevent bullying. 

Really, are you jesusliars dense or just really bad at creative paraphrasing? I ain’t’nt even gonna snark at this. You want your precious little cabbage to be able to parrot any damn thing he wants, right?, ‘cuz first amendment, but without repercussions, ‘cuz assholes. Let me try a syllogism on you, bubba. Umm,

IF Jesus, THEN you’re getting yer ass whupped at the Pearlys because you are a selfish sociopathic git.


4. The bill defines bullying so broadly that it will require teachers to regulate children's words and conduct 24/7, 365 days a year.

Teachers have limited academic time with our kids. An effective bullying approach does not require teachers to monitor what kids are saying online when they're not at school or a school event, or during the summer. This is an incredible requirement for teachers and a vast overreach of school authority into our homes. 

I repeat, really, are you jesusliars dense or just really bad at creative paraphrasing? Here, they are referring to cyberbullying, done either at school or from home, and if teachers hear of it, they have a responsibility to intervene. (Lord knows you good Christians won’t. “Good job Chip! Judge that fa**ot!” You people really make me ill, monsters, all of you.) Cyberbullying is neither a new phenomenon, nor a quiet little corner of the internet, so your phraseology for #4 is really goddam disingenuous. Seriously, you make me physically ill.


5. The bill is a top-down, unfunded $20M mandate that would be forced on all our schools, regardless of whether or not school districts, teachers, parents and students have already worked together to create a good bullying policy that works for that district. 
A legitimate approach to bullying doesn't bring in schools, teachers, and parents LAST--it includes them at the very beginning and doesn't try to force a one-size-fits all policy on all students and schools. School districts in Owatonna are unique from districts in Minneapolis that are unique from districts in New Ulm. The right approach to bullying lets schools, teachers and parents lead on this issue without strapping them with an at least $20M unfunded annual mandate.

Yep, heavens, these school districts are so unique, and the MFC is truly… Screw jokes. What are they actually saying?

  • Owatonna. Whitechristianrural.
  • Minneapolis. Welfaremoochingduskyhuedgangbangers
  • New Ulm. Whitechristianrural.
Let’s try some others!
  • Park Rapids. Whitechristianrural.
  • Two Harbors. Whitechristianrural.
  • Rochester. WhitechristianexceptforsomedoctorswithdotsontheirheadsdidyouhearwhatIsaidhoneydotsheeheehee.
Yep. Salt of the earth. Morons.
Just kindly go off somewhere and beat yourself about the head and neck for while, the adults are trying to fix things here, you dickweeds. By the way, unfunded mandate? Well then, by FSM, the tax breaks your little cults get are coming out of my pocket and I’d like it back now. There is a food bank, couple shelters, civil rights orgs, I’d like to give it to, they are all amazingly better organizations, and people, than you.

*This poor attempt at fisking inspired by Cerb at S,N! Well, more accurately, the style is blatantly appropriated. Full credit due and stuff.