Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Please, Dear FSM, May This Be Read By The Right People - Fornicate Ted Cruz!

Ted Cruz is pathetic. Not trying to set up the snark bankshot, he is An Genuinely Useless Peckerneck.

This strawman has been set up and smashed to compost 100 times - "Why are you so interested in my position on fruits pretending to be people, when ISIS is executing them!"

May I paraphrase how I, as a commie faggot-lover poor-person-feeder, read your statement, and correct me if I'm reading you wrong, (I ain'tn't.)? We can beat on, spit on, criminalize, and drive homosexuals out of our communities, out of our families, as long as we don't go all Hank Aaron with a sword?

Into the breach, one more damn time:
Mr. 'Murkin Exceptionalism, you are saying the bar, that we must cross to prove we are a fine, upstanding people, when it comes to the rights of LGBTQ folk, has been set by ISIS. Gotcha, peachy. Way to strive for the betterment of the human race.

Wasn't it your rose-colored-glasses-throughwich-observed St. Ronaldo Reaganski who called us to be a, ummm, 'Shining City On A Hill'? The man who all men wanted to be, and at least one woman wanted to shoe-fuck?
Dear Foot Fetish Magazine, I never thought this would happen to me 
before he was done he had his brown cordovan so deep betwixt my nethers that my fallopians were a size 10 1/2 and my ovaries were slathered in Kiwi polish 
there's now this horrible servant trying to Occupy my Ronnie's orthopedic inserts *hic* 
Nancy's an unappreciative twat, leave him alone you bitch!! *whips empty gin bottle into the mirror*
And now our goal has simply become leapfrogging the bloodthirsty Middle Eastern version of Southern Baptists that former puppet President Footiepajamas ranks as his greatest diplomatic accomplishment?

Jumping the second breach one more damn time:
I'm intelligent. Well, I can find my worksite every morning, and annoy my wife on average less than once per week. I can say a bunch of big wordish thingies, and spell a lot of them too. What I'm getting at, is that I can hold two thoughts at once. I can insist that you shut your piehole about buttsex and 13.6kV vibrators, and at the same time, think ISIS is a bunch of criminal yahoos, who desperately need a sabot between the eyes, and yet are not setting up bases in Guadalajara.

I realize the 90% of your grey matter not actively involved in keeping you upright and reminding you to blink has atrophied to pudding and bile. But you are a senator. Clearly, a senator with an overwhelming habit of marking Teabagger's teabags with as much saliva as your 226+ daily urges allow you to generate, but nevertheless, a member of a very small club.

Would you act like it, you rodent-rapist?

Love, paleo


  1. The reference to the Magic Dolphin Lady was magical, worthy of Tengrain.

    Also of note; How quickly Tailgunner's weak excuse for logic and warped brain immediately jumps from "Universal Marriage Rights" to "homo butt sex" like there's a well-worn rut in there....

  2. I read some dude once saying "I'm gay and I don't think about gay sex as much as these guys do."

    And thanks, TG is fine company to be mentioned in, but if you read Charlie Pierce, he has a regular commenter named Barry Friedman who does Nooners pitch perfect - annoyingly good. Can't be a positive for his brane, however...

    1. I read charlie, but rarely wade into the comments...

    2. I read 'em, but not all - I hate the facebook plugin, mostly because I ain'tn't got facebook. I barely look at ThinkProg anymore because of the same thing..
      HuffPo did the same thing a few years ago, but Arianna's ego and Oprahish leanings had already destroyed it.

  3. Paleo - I was likewise flattered. ZRM must want something from one of us, he's usually not that kind to me.



    1. Drinks will usually suffice. Paleo did his part recently....

      Although the Noonington Collabo that TG mentioned is intriguing.... Get on that, fellas...

    2. I've met the Zombie, TG. He's smarter than he looks and writes better than he's smart.

      So yeah, tread carefully around this landmine.

      God it sucks about Pratchett...