Wednesday, May 29, 2013

I Have Now Officially Taken W-A-A-A-A-Y-Y-Y Too Much Painkillers

And not merely because I have no realistic shot at correcting the grammar in the post title, and don't particularly give a wossname.

Animal Planet. About animals, and (this?) planet.

Long special program, about a theory that a bunch of, ummm, venerable theorists, within the scientific community, are proposing. The great sea-ape. The - let me back up a second.

To reiterate again, regardless of the fact that I haz a fuggited-up due to a lack of tolerance for painkillers, I believe in all sorts of bullshit. Mothmen. Poultrygeists. Hopkinsville Goblins.

The Merfolk. Apes adapted to living in the sea. Cavorting with dolphins. Hunting sharks. Boinking sailors.


"A lone hunter scouts ahead of it's pod." Direct quote, BTW.


We are doomed as a species...

UPDATE: Oh dear sweet Buddha. The 'speculative dramatizations', otherwise known as cheapass Flash, is truly the dumbest shit in the history of cheapass dumb shit - one Merman, to protect the baybeeeezz from giant sharks, cuts hisself  and swims away, leading the shark, the size of a random huge honking sea-critter, away from the, let's call them snorks - baby Merwhatsits, away from the snorks and then becoming a Texas Rig.

Doomed, says I.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Vicodin Blogging

Not much to post today, although any comments I may litter about teh interspheres may be interesting. I have   tendonitis/fascitis to the point I can't walk, and am on vicodin for pain.

For most people, vicodin is strong advil. For me, purple unicorns farting fairies. No tolerance for painkillers at all, doc talked percocet but I have things to do yet in May


Sunday, May 26, 2013

A Post About Bullies/Bullying, Serious, Probably TMI, So What.

Two notes before proceeding:

A, this is a touch personal, not my usual rant when I am merely homicidally annoyed with the universe, but something I feel like saying. Feel free to blow it off here if you are looking for boats, cats, and bigfoots.
And 2, this is a TED talk about bullying. Before you watch this video, warning - at least in my case, it dredges up some bodies I thought long buried, drove me to pissed off, where I caught the bus to infuriation.

A poet/performance artist named Shane Koyczan:

An old friend from high school sent this to me, said it would resonate. It did. I should re-watch, I don't know what to think about it, but right now, I am in a decent mood and don't really want to watch again. Nothing against the artist, or the presentation, it was very well done, but the topic, something I've known.

I was bullied in HS, in retrospect maybe not as bad as some, but especially for a couple years I was ulcerifically miserable. I had a peer group, but was not really a peer, one or two friends from then I keep track of at all. Sort of a big round nerd, band geek, not really into sports, too damn smart for my own good and not afraid to show it, very shy, metalhead.
A Catholic high school - naturally, I had already started to think about such things*, and my senior year I flunked the first semester of Religion, primarily for arguing with the lunaticinstructor - boy, was I gonna fit in. One of my parents has since apologized, saying I should have gone to the public HS, with the science classes, CAD labs, and some blessed anonymity.
A school that purchased a basketball player, then when he got on a three wheeler, got maytagged, and got paralyzed, he got a handicapped accessible van. A school where one of the A-listers in my class, a couple years after graduation, got drunk, got on a jet-ski, got in the way of an oncoming boat, got Buster-ed, and got a memorial fund. A school where one of those bullied, far worse than I, never recovered, ended it a couple years later, no one mentioned a damn thing, I only found out about it years later through family. 
A jockocracy, bullyocracy, and we all know how well those seem to work out. The only thing I want to hear about my HS class is that at a reunion, someone went all Carrie White, leaving a debris pile I could urinate on.

My solution is simple. Make bullying a capital crime - 3rd strike and you, and your parents, get a fair trial and a first class hanging. End all high school and college athletics as we know them - if the pro leagues want farm teams so badly, let them do like baseball and set up minor leagues. Save athletics for students, who attend classes, real classes, who get actual good grades. No more $6 million dollar a year coaches. Make booster clubs illegal, punishable by 5-10 years, no paroles. School is important, the most important activity your kids will ever have - let's make interfering with schooling come with the punishment it deserves.

As for me, I was a bit screwy for a long time. I'd happily verbally/mentally beat the tar out of myself for any real or imagined transgression, and unfortunately will still do that - ugh. Beer and theoretical pharmaceutical studies helped, making true friends helped more - I remain very bad at making friends, but for those I have, I'll help hide a body. Took years, travels, and travails, for me to realize that I like being a geek, I like being one of the smartest kids in the room (even if too much brain matter is dedicated to things what go bump in the night as opposed to stuff making me wealthy and powerful, with a hot-and-cold running scotch dispenser).

Last night I sat with my wife, my quirky, wonderful, occasionally messed up, geeky-as-I-am, incredibly beautiful wife, watching Firefly and answering her questions about characters. I have a mansion, a yacht, and a drum machine. Well, working on the drum machine. I bleedin' win. But I am in no mood to forgive.

In conclusion, fuck 'em in their big fat goat asses.

*and had come to the conclusion that, although the red words were pretty cool (a statement I'll stand by), actually, the Old Testament and the New Testament were bullshit, their god a terrorist, their rulers and superheroes terrorists, and St. Paul a complete human whack-a-mole game. Much like almost every other religion ever. At least the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Discordianism allow free will. And in the case of the FSM, a beer volcano and stripper factory.


This is so delightfully delightful, just watch! Plz!

Friday, May 24, 2013

News In The World O' paleo

Couple things going on, big things, I want to share!

Teh Lesser:

I have just finished my first week as Maintenance Planner! It has been brutal, staffing problems (one gentleman fell off a ladder onto his shoulder, one gentleman insisted on demonstrating his affection for his wife...nine months ago, and I replaced yet another schmuck), a lot of things happening, and NO transition period. It has been okay, I have made up with work, jogging, and sheer bloody-mindedness what I lack in specific knowledge and experience, and I'll get better, at the very least in an attempt to stop the pain in my ankles, calves, and knees.

Teh Greater:

There is a backstory here.

Last fall I went fishing with my father in law. He had not been fishing, more than perhaps a couple of times that he could recall, in many, many years, and although we got skunked, well, more backstory. It was late fall, hell, early November, at a cabin near Mille Lacs, middle Minnesota. There was a boat with the cabin, and the lake was as of yet clear of ice, but it was cold, windy, and the boat was of a row type. We managed quite neatly, while rowing against the Canadian Clipper, to hear one of the oars give up a cry, prior to its eventual death. We got back to teh cabin, and now I wanted some damn fish. A quest was called for...
We bought the last trolling motor of the season in MN.
The magic of propulsion did not create baskets-full of walleye, but pops-in-law had the bug bad, and upon return to his home state raided the Bass Pro Shop and began planning our summer fishing adventures, including a weekly refrain of "paleo, when are you going to buy a boat? And remember, I'm in for halvsies!", followed by my weekly response, "Great, cap'n, but have you seen my basement? Are you going to lend me teh other halvsies?".
Last week, another text message, with photos and circles and arrows and a texted paragraph on each one explaining why I should by this boat, and I checked into it a little more this time, and said, in return, assuming that you know these guys well enough to know that they have taken good care of it, esp. the motor, that it was a good deal.
Last night, while my eyes (much as they have been for about a week and a half due to work) were failing to focus after dinner and I was attempting to put the steps into place to get me to bed (mentally - the actual putting one step ahead of another was in the future), she mentioned she shredded the check she was supposed to send. "What check?", sez I.

I am now the proud half owner of a hole in the water into which money is poured.

I can carp and waffle with the best of 'em, esp. where money is concerned, but I AM EXCITED!

Next issue - the sumbitch is 6 hours away...

Another Meta Post - A Couple Achievers Added

Please welcome to Checking Out Your Shorts:

Sharon Day and Ghost Hunting Theories!

Check it out, check out the podcast. I heard her on the Beyond The Edge paranormal podcast and checked out her site, a lot of fun!

Also added, an offshoot of Cesca's Awesome Blog, Cesca's animation,


Good schtuff, deeply, deeply wrong!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Ahhh, The Theatre - Review Time!

I provided our upcoming stage schedule for y'all, and now I have reviews!

The Musical of the Play of the Musical of the Movie of the Play of the Cookbook Hairspray
  • I sense that this could be a hell of a TV series.
Twelve Angry Men: An Odyssey In Mime
  • The depiction of the jurors in the box - heart rending
The Human Centipede with Kristin Chenoweth
  • Most of the characters were assholes.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

TV Before Bedtime

We are watching BBCNews, excellent, excellent newscast, Sweetie, I and Bro-In-Law. 

Sweetie said that she introduce BIL to BBC some time ago, and his TV channel hasn't changed since. I, naturally had to get my two cents in, 
(paleo)"All he watches is news, TV porn, like Tudors and at least it's not CNNBC or that other -"
(Bro-In-Law)"Why are you guys fighting over what I watch?"
(sweetie)"Hey, I'm the one who got him to watch BBC, I didn't tell him to watch Game Of Incest!"
(paleo) pees self

The Simple Beauty Of The Fall Theatre Season

We have made a date with friends to see the travelling tour of Wicked in September. Don't judge me, I like some musicals. Andrew Lloyd Weber should be boiled in Budweiser (which might be the only time in it's corporate life that Budweiser has been a public good. I digress.) I prefer things be weird or clever. I've heard the book Wicked is great, the play is good, and they bear no actual relationship to one another. I'm happy to see the play, and the book is on my ever increasing list. None of this addresses my central point.

Whilst shopping tickets at my employer, I noted another entry on the fall season.

Now, Imma not overreact.

The movie was okay, nothing special, I've never found Demi Moore to be especially attractive or a particularly good actress, Whoopi Goldberg was funny in it, Patrick Swayze was a good actor with lousy taste in screenplays:
Red Dawn
The Dumbass Thing With Keanu Reeves
Roadhouse (which did serve one public good)

I've thought about it - Imma overreact.


We've been down this path - 
  • The Musical of the Play of the Musical of the Movie of the Play of the Cookbook Hairspray
  • 12 Angry Men: An Odyssey In Mime
  • The Human Centipede with Kristin Chenoweth
Ghost the Goddammit Musical. The libretto, when the falling window ruins that one dude's day? I suspect written by Taylor Swift. Vincent Schiavelli played by Zac Efron. 

Seriously, eat a bag of salted male genitalia, fucking soulless vultures. GAHHH!!!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Doctor Who, The Name Of The Doctor - Season Finale. Spoilerrific!

Ok, the simple things:

  • Strax is stinkin' brilliant.
  • Vastra and Jenny are a wonderful couple.
  • Cutting One through Nine in to Clara's story? Nice! (I didn't see Ten - must rewatch).
  • River's line about 'he left me in the universe's biggest library, didn't even say goodbye'? That was so harsh, and so very right, actually, the whole River storyline in here.
  • "Run, you clever boy, and remember!" - Love that phrase.
Tougher things:
  • I've been a bit on the fence about Clara, but this a good show for her. And with her final line before entering the Doctor's timestream, that would have been a helluva memorable way for a Companion to leave.
  • SO, to get this straight then, the TARDIS has known Clara since forever, with her saving the Doctor many times - why does the TARDIS dislike her so strongly?
  • The less seen of the kids, the better - children and SF are good for each other, look at me!, but children in SF need horrible transporter accidents.
Biggest and most intriguing spoiler:
  • "and John Hurt as The Doctor" (Returning Nov. 23rd? Gah!)
I'll rewatch, tomorrow likely, I'm satisfied and looking forward to fall, less on the fence about Clara.

Re: John Hurt

Mr. Zombie Rotten McDonald tried to tempt me with the last spoiler knowing I had not yet seen, and I admit he polluted my mind a bit today, but the best I could come up with was Capt. John Hart from Torchwood, played by James Marsters, and that was re-e-a-a-l-l unlikely; or John Simm returning as The Master, somewhat more possible.

John Barkin' Hurt? Wow.


Another Rainy Day (Redux)

Marimba music creeping into my dream, why is there a marimba player in Canada and where are my clothes and eyes opening...

Ugh. So tired, so many days in a row, still so much crap to do, want to stay in bed.

(flash. . . .grrrooooowwwllpoundpoundpound. . . thump-p-p)

Eyes open, brain assessing, absentmindedly skritch kittens, thunderstorm again. Poop. Tear one hand away from kittehs, find phone, wrong phone need work phone grab other phone we're not on generators good.

Note on bathroom mirror, wash 'nuff gunk out of my eyeballs to find my wife made me a lunch - damn she's sweet - dressed, tea, out the door, driving through rain planning the day lightning has passed my site but rain is continuing in earnest poop.

Which also means this afternoon with be 85 degF and 14,337% humidity and poop.

This made me happy driving in:


Saturday, May 18, 2013

Another Rainy Day

Had a dreadful drive to work this morning, because:

a.) Work, and
b.) Torrential goddam thunderpours

So this makes me happy now.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Movie Review And Short Summer Preview: Star Trek - Into Darkness

To Boldly Go To Roseville IMAX

At a post about the Super Bowl, while more-or-less live-blogging, I mentioned that I had seen the first trailer for Star Trek Into Darkness, and that it gave me a geekrection. Today was the day, and the brother-in-law and I went to see it in IMAX 3D.

Before teh verdict, I have to say that video and sound quality increases exponentially every time I see a new movie - the experience was amazing. Now, on to the movie, and no spoilers if I can help it!

Verdict: Very Good.

It was a mixture of summer action, stunts, and things going splodey; and a surprising number of shout-outs, subtle canon jokes, and fan-boi stuff. I am an SF fan, I don't segregate myself into a particular camp (except the camp which declares Jar-Jar Binks should be eviscerated and then go splodey whilst surrounded by fucking Ewoks. Star Trek, Star Wars, Firefly, Farscape, Doctor Who, Independence Day, Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies, Battle Beyond The Stars for gods-sake.) 
The show moved right along, not much thought needed, both a  good and a bad thing, I know they want to attract more people than, say, me, but a little introspection or exposition well done is a good thing. The aforementioned shout-outs and in-jokes were appreciated, but some could have been set up a bit instead of just dropped. 

Again, I liked it quite a bit, I advise you see it, and advise you splurge a bit for the IMAX thingy, but I have to do a Good/Bad/Ugly widget here.
The Good: The cast was amazing, the actors playing the main characters really do well, Zachary Quinto as Spock really does well, playing Spock as a less controlled, awkward young Vulcan. Alice Eve (spoilers)? Her part is small, and another in-joke, but she does well, and mrowrrr. Simon Pegg needs an Oscar or a Nobel Prize (of course, I have loved him since Spaced and Shaun Of The Dead. Some impressive and surprising actors playing supporting characters. The sense of humor, snarky as current trends in humor tend to be, was snappy, well-timed, and in character.
The Bad: As I said, while I loved the references and in-jokes, in most cases they could have been set up better to really punch 'em home. Some 'splosions were needed, summer film, but the sense of scale needed a sense of scale - you'll see. 
The Ugly: A pretty savage deus ex machina in conjunction with a cameo, very badly unnecessary, pissed me off quite a bit. Any script editor approving that scene should have looked at his diploma from film school, burned it, and got a job holding sandwich-boards advertising one-hour cheep tax returns/massage parlors on street corners, something honest.

Summer Preview

World War Z: Looks good, but since the end of 12 Monkeys/A River Runs Through It era, I have a fear of Brad Pitt. While not nearly as evil as some, no one that popular can be be worth the oxygen they consume. Sorry, TMZ readers.

Elysium: WILL SEE! NERD-ON!!!

Thor: I'll go with teh brother-in-law, looks okay to me. The guy playing Loki, at least in the previews has an appropriate mien of madness that could be fun.

Superman - Man Of Steel: No way in hell. a.) Not a Supe fan, particularly, too, umm something. Baddish. Fuck him. b.) Zack Goddamn Snyder, maker of the patriotic porno 300. Fuck him as well.

This has been another test of the Emergency Broadcast System.

This Is The Middle Of The Week That Is

There is wonderful news:
Minnesota passed marriage equality!!
I am in fact quite happy, a jump into modern times.

I am from Wisconsin, of course, and until Tommy Thompson, Wisconsin was far and away the greatest state in the union, and it is still a beautiful state, even with the Randroid demons in charge, but per Lil' Scottie Rat Molester, the public sector will soon be looking up at the paradise of Alabama. I would feel sorry for my relatives, but far too many of them voted and re-voted for the master of hamster cunnilingus. Minnesota, the best government in the US currently. Of course, no fish, too many mosquitoes, no professional football, too many Minnesotans who ain't my wife.

There is better news:
I took a position in my department that will become a Monday-Friday 8 hr shift. 
The transition will be brutal. There is no one to take my position, so I will continue with primarily 12 hour days, with frequent short days in-between to do my planning duties, but the goal is mid-summer, and keeping at least one full day off per week until transition is complete. YAY! dammit!!! 

This picture makes me happy right now.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

The NRA Have Yet More Blood On Their Hands.

Via Think Progress

You know what? I'm willing to deal here. You can keep your metallic phalluses as soon as EVERY MEMBER OF THE NRA IS TRIED AND JAILED.

Wayne LaPierre gets exorcised, then TRIED AND JAILED.

God damn these sick bastards.

Post Wherein paleo Attempts To Get Back On Track

So, posting has been light. I can make a lot of excuses, will make a few excuses, but primarily after 10 days of no posting during a crucial part of my project, and additional stress accumulating, I lost momentum. If'n anyone has been enjoying my little doggerel, it is no less than I enjoy writing my little bits of nonsense.

This should have been a fishing weekend, much like last year at about this time, but my buddy's cabin is about 30 miles north of Detroit Lakes, MN. (For teh geographically challenged, that is basically really fucking north.) Unfortunately, part of this opening weekend trip has been, historically, putting a dock in the water, putting a pontoon boat in the water, putting bait into the water. As of Wednesday night, there was no water, and no great impetus to drive 4 hours to ice-fish.

As such, Sweetie and I have been having a low-key weekend, being nice to each other, nice dinners, doing things together, gathering scientific data on the efficacy of different lubri - nice dinners. Trip to Costco (damn them, and I like them too, but holy hannah them sunzobeetches should be giving me stock by now.) At her request I have introduced her to

with the first Serenity 2-parter and The Train Job. She is starting to dig it, and I am trying to clue her in as much as possible without spoilers.

In the news, Minnesota is this close to having same-sex marriage, by legislative action, even. This pleases me a great deal.

There are a couple marriages I want to see - plus, this may be my last chance to go to a strip club with Sweetie's approval.

Of course, the 'Queens firing Chris Kluwe at the same time, on a team in a town with one of the NFL's largest gay populations, is somewhat discouraging. There were some very legitimate NFL reasons to let him go, and remember, there is only one thing in the NFL that matters - MONEY, but the whole thing is a bit smelly, especially on a Viking team that still employs Chris Cook and continued to employ the star players associated with the Love Boat Incident. In an NFL that collectively fellated Ray Lewis at the last Super Bowl. Bullshit.

I stand a very good chance of having, for the first time in my adult life, a banker's hours job. First time ever, 8 hrs, Mon-Fri. Yes, it is part of the on-going saga wherein I have cursed American business to hell and back, and explaining that getting ahead requires a sort of carefully applied derangement, hating your bosses, your co-workers, and your customers in precise amounts. The deed ain't done, and if it be not so, you'll hear in in the news:

Headless Blogger Found - Laptop Also Down
TL;DR Final Screed Appears To Be Code Based On Fuck
Fox Nation Reports Furry Slashfic

Finally, this makes me happy right now, with some caveats...

  •  I think Court And Spark is an amazing album, but I am not specifically a huge Joni fan
  • Although the lyrics work beautifully in this song as an additional instrument, a reading of the lyrics straight shows them sans the music to be self indulgent crap - gosh, it's so hard to be David Geffen, and to have to go to Paris every so often to be free of my responsibilities
  • The little flute breaks, I remember, as a kid in my dad's land whale with the AC Delco on, and it's the shit
  • I've been to France and liked a great deal of it, over, admittedly, only a few days, people, bread, college-student-budget wine, so please do not take me for a standard issue American Francophobe, but Paris is bloody horrible, FSM it's horrible, evil, and the Danes/Swedes/Norsemen burning it to the ground every 20 years or so should have been a lesson followed and encouragement taken

Some topics and self-annoyance having been accumulated, watch this space...

Thursday, May 2, 2013

LeRoy Butler Is Handling This Much Better Than I Would

A common public belief is that the Green Bay Packers are untouchable in Wisconsin. It is pretty much Truth In Television. Weddings, school events, parties are scheduled around or on game days. Priests wrap up the 10AM mass with a prayer for the offensive line and no later than 11:00AM.
There was a marriage in my extended family of a cousin who, at that point, had spent quite a bit of time in California, and was marrying a CA guy. They scheduled the wedding and reception on the weekend of deer opener and on a weekend when the Packers played the Chicago Frogmolesters - at most weddings in Wisconsin, there is a dollar dance for the bride, the chicken dance, smack your glasses with plastic silverware to see the bride and groom kiss. This one, there was a distinct smell of doe estrus and a plethora of jerseys and arguments over whether Don Majkowski was really merely the best quarterback in the NFL or if Lindy Infante should be beaten with a tire iron.

LeRoy Butler was a several time All Pro and member of the Packer Hall of Fame, leader of the secondary, started the Lambeau Leap. He would be expected to be an Untouchable. He was to give a talk against bullying at a church in Wisconsin this summer. However, he offended Gawd, who promptly afflicted his family with plague struck him with lightning sent zombie nuns with torches and Rulers O' Righteousness made teh pastor cancel on him, kids don't need no encouragement against bullying from no hell-going-to gay enabler. 

"Congrats to Jason Collins"

Oh, LeRoy, I haz such a disappointment, that is virtually an instruction manual for recruitment of vulnerable young men into a fabulous lifestyle of being perhaps treated as human instead of, oh, I dunno, being bullied? 

Peeples iz dumbass.

Jonah Goldberg Has Written Teh Dumbest Thing On The Internet Today

Via Mr. Edroso, he of strong stomach, finding a chestnut of true stupidity from Loadpants, and my reaction to one choice pearl of wisdom thereunder. Ahem:

Real J-Gold:
After all, as famed Sovietologist, Sting, would later argue, the Russians love their children too.

What the fuck, you goddam strawfucking lunatic?! What does Sting have to do with the story, with this TV show?!? Is this another attempt to prove your GenX cred? Fucking Sting?!?
What, seriously, is even wrong with the sentiment? Did the Soviets have a particular reputation for physically and mentally abusing children, or am I thinking of James Dobson showering with his boys to demonstrate the utility of teh penis and Becky Fischer babbling some fucking thing, might be passages to summon Kandarian demons, I don't know, at her camp full of young children and all of Michele Bachmann's foster kids who mysteriously did not help her campaign for president and Sean Hannity and Michelle Maglalang stating on Fox that they would have been thrilled to have only been beaten with a belt?
When did Sting make any special claim of knowledge of Soviet life other than making a metaphor suggesting we all calm the fuck down and maybe not cuisinart each other? Is this like you claiming to be an expert on anything beyond internet midget eskimo porn and vintages of Frito-Lay products?
Are you seriously walking this close to the fine line between clever and stupid?
Please, for the love of FSM, eat a bag of yummy, fried, salted hammers and shut the fucking fuck up, you goddam jackass!!!!