Sunday, October 18, 2015

Live Blogging Packers-Chargers

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Morphodites and Platypi, we now have the Green Bay Packers hosting the San Diego 4H and Tanning Club.

Green Bay is favored, but always remember Uncle paleo's number one rule of watching the 2010s era Green Bay Packers - any team playing a Dom Capers coached defense is never out of the game. Bear in mind the Chargers have Antonio Gates back.

Look forward to very much cussy updates!

Kickoff Time, 3:28.
THE NFL, IN ALL THEIR GLORIOUS WISDOM, HAS DICTATED CBS AIR A TALE OF TWO, WELL, THREE, WASHED UP QUARTERBACKS. FUCKING PAYTON, MCCOWN, AND ALKY MANZIEL.
INTERCOURSE THE NFL.
Not a good start, peckernecks.

12:20 in first quarter, according to the box score on-line, because PAYTON MANNING BLOWS GOATS AND PAPA JOHN SCHNATTER.

10:00 in first quarter: Dear CBS, you is severly kuting into my drinky time thing. Love, Johnny Football.

8:38, first quarter. Packers TD. paleo still watching J Manziel wishing he was a real boy. Also INTERCOURSE CBS.

6:00, first quarter. Game finally on telebision, throwback uniforms, and I have no drugs.

4:50, CBS announcer just commended Dom 'I kidnapped the Lindbergh baby' Capers. I still have no drugs.

1:51, A BLUE AND YELLOW STREAK DOWN TEH FIELD!!
Well, K, it don't sound right, but into the stands, James!
The following kickoff: Speaking tactically, Mr. Charger sir, I have never understood why anyone would take it out of 8 yards deep in the endzone unless it's the 4th and you're down, say 10 points. Otherwise, you end up on the, oh, your own 15. Idjit.

10:46, 2cd. Ballsy call on 4th and 3, I actually applaud it and am very surprised Gates didn't come up with hit, he's got hands. But excellent cover by Hyde, too.

6:48, 2cd. I really dislike settling for an FG after 1st down inside the 10. It's gonna bite us hard someday...

6:11, 2cd, FUMBLE, caused by Clinton Dix, recovered by Matthews, we needed this! And promptly showed our run blocking has a way to go...

End of the half - We got bit hard someday. The Zebras earned that Charger TD. What a bunch of shit. Need a drink and some popcorn...

Our goddamn defense should not have to stop BOTH the opposing offense and the ridiculous schemes of Dom 'The movie Crimson Peak is my autobiography' Capers.

From teh audience:

zombie rotten mcdonaldOctober 18, 2015 at 5:34 PM

Dom Capers is coming through again, making Rivers look like a good QB. FUCKINH TIED WHAT IS THIS SHIT??!?!?!!!?
paleo responds: It's a rare talent. Capersensory Perception. A man who can make a high school quarterback look like Joe Monfuckingtana.

zombie rotten mcdonaldOctober 18, 2015 at 5:34 PM

Announcepantsers. are totally in the bag for the Chargers.
paleo responds: Not prepared to make that accusation, but can verify that they suck on ice.

zombie rotten mcdonaldOctober 18, 2015 at 5:35 PM

Good thing I stocked up on bourbon...
paleo responds: As long as you don't have to be functional in the morning.

:46, 3rd Q. This has sucked. Now, Mr. Rodgers and the offense seem to have taken an interest in the game. It's time for Mike McCarthy to have Capers buried under the locker room and have ANYONE ELSE call the defensive formations. ANY ONE. Please, for fuck sake.

Umm. GAAAHHHH! in the 4th Q.


zombie rotten mcdonaldOctober 18, 2015 at 6:18 PM

Who the fuck called a running play on 3rd and 19?
paleo responds: Probably DON Capers, the intern offensive coord


zombie rotten mcdonaldOctober 18, 2015 at 6:19 PM

yeah, punting ain't going to win this game. KEEP THAT FUCKING RIVERS OFF THE FIELD, CAPERS YOU DOUCHE-CANOE!!!


zombie rotten mcdonaldOctober 18, 2015 at 6:22 PM

Can you imagine how great the Packers would be doing if Rodgers would get the kind of protection that Rivers has?
paleo responds: Yes.

zombie rotten mcdonaldOctober 18, 2015 at 6:35 PM

I hope paleo didn't stroke out...
paleo responds: The thought crossed my mind...

END OF GAME: STROKING OUT NOW!!!!

This is going to be a loooong fucking year.

Goodnight Gracie. Maybe some Doctor blogging later. Certainly some whiskey drinking.

Goddammit, bubba.

18 comments:

  1. Dom Capers is coming through again, making Rivers look like a good QB. FUCKINH TIED WHAT IS THIS SHIT??!?!?!!!?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Announcepantsers. are totally in the bag for the Chargers.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dom Capers must have kidnapped someone's kids...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Philip Rivers looks like a Biff Tanner clone...

    ReplyDelete
  5. This one is going to send me back to the ICU.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Who the fuck called a running play on 3rd and 19?

    ReplyDelete
  7. yeah, punting ain't going to win this game. KEEP THAT FUCKING RIVERS OFF THE FIELD, CAPERS YOU DOUCHE-CANOE!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Can you imagine how great the Packers would be doing if Rodgers would get the kind of protection that Rivers has?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sweet living FUCK did we need that sack...

    ReplyDelete
  10. jeezus. For once, I ain't gonna whine about the bye week....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Plenty of time to hire a new Def coord.

      Delete
    2. ..or just put a moderately sized houseplant in the position.

      Delete
  11. The new Doctor season looks good, but I am really enjoying the new American Horror Story; it's a hoot. And Lady Gaga is surprisingly...well, not good, necessarily but appropriate....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AHS - H: That's the sort of thing Sweetie will bingewatch, so I'll see it.

      You asked about the Doc a bit ago, I still have to see the last one (because Sweetie and I have had soooo much time together this fucking stupid week...), but to start with, you asked about the sonic shades vs: screwdriver.

      Well, the Nanny in 'Partners in Crime' had a sonic pen, so there's precedent for other sonic tools. But...

      He said the sonic sunglasses were formed by the TARDIS to disguise them. Well, it seems, as in the case of a sonic pen, that these are manufactured (even if by the TARDIS) items, not ethereal or shapeshifting.

      Also, one episode with the shades can be a fun deus ex machina, but Imma traditionalist - screwdriver, goddammit. It kinda seems that this is just a way to make Capaldi 'cool', like showing he can play guitar. I don't want 'cool' - if Capaldi is going to be the doctor, I either want Danny Oldsen or Malcolm Tucker.

      Eh, 2 cents.

      Delete
  12. I have a friend, I blogged about him, who gets massively irate when the Packers don't destroy their opponents. We agree that Capers is a sham and a likely blackmailer, because that's kind of the only explanation.

    So, 6 weeks in, the Pack is 6-0 after many damaging injuries. Yeah, THEY say SD should have been a walk, but I think the coaching staff did a helluva job figuring out where Rivers and their people could do a job. AND they did a SPECTACULAR job of containing Aaron, which was key.

    The idea of a crazy dominant team was born with the undefeated Dolphins in the dim dark days when most of us were more concerned with girls and masturbation. Since then, the NFL has worked overtime to make everything a horserace.

    But Green Bay has Aaron Rodgers, who is as perfect a quarterback as can be imagined in the Brand New Day,

    Here's the thing; I lived through the days when the Pack was woeful at best. A 6-6 season was considered a success. Even when Favre started, his predilection for throwing crazy shit that got intercepted was something he never got over.

    So, look: last year the only reason the Packers didn't wind up in the Super Bowl was due to an improbable bunch of shit from the ShitHawks. This year, they kind of suck, and the Packers are, improbably better; because they rely on the whole team...

    Maybe it's a side effect of being on the opposite side of a HEART INCIDENT, but I find the whole situation to be wonderful and even though it took a SPECTACULAR pass denial in the last moments to make it happen, but it still FUCKING 6-0.

    This was not pretty. SD had a chance, right up to the end, in Lambeau - which is a nearly unassailable fortress for the home team-/ and they exposed several weaknesses of the team. Not the least of which , I have long maintained that Dom Capers is, if not the most over-rated defensive shitweasel in the NFL, at least that he is not a good fit in the Packers family. But the shitweasel thing is my vote...

    But hey, at least we don't have to rely on Jay Cutler.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ..or just put a moderately sized houseplant in the position.

      Certainly you mean a... [dun dun dun] SHRUBBERY!

      Ni!

      Delete