Merry. Blasted. Christmas.

In what has become a 2014 tradition for me, I got released from the hospital a few hours ago. A severe case of cellulitis, lower right leg. While the left leg is still in the process of healing a substantial DVT. Adding in the particularly horrible little curse I have, teh diabeetus, health care professionals reacted excitedly. 

Overnight Sunday through this AM, a blur - I respond very poorly to narcotic painkillers. (Sweetheart can take oxycodone and do beadwork; I take mere vicodin and forget what vision smells like.)  

As IV antibiotics in adorable quantities started making some difference yesterday, I noticed an annoying little cough, which before too dreadfully long turned into a rather frightening difficulty breathing. One freakout, set of bloodwork, and chest x-ray later, I've added the Flu A to my facebook favorites. My sweetheart, 3 nights by me nearly constantly, royal pain in the ass to nurses, doctors, custodians and food services, had been a champ, but by this morning I'd re-payed her. With the Flu. Fudge.

We're back now, my leg looking like roadkill, feeling like a chew toy, only reluctantly supporting my somewhat dizzy body, and with a remarkable stew of pharmaceuticals floating through my bloodstream. My wife out cold under 170p.s.i. of blankets. I'm only up for a bit yet, due to pill scheduling that will overrule my typical routine for the next few days, but I've managed to hit a few personal perennial Christmas traditions tonight.







I kind of wish my new 2014 traditions will die quietly and then spontaneously combust in a bucket of gasoline on the floor of the oxygen tank storage room for the maintenance shop at the flour mill. But Christmas, shit. Still love it, and no fucking medical bullshit gets to take it. And since it is, right now, Central Standard Time, midnight,

MERRY PASTAMAS TO ALL, AND AL DENTE GOOD NIGHT!

The NRA - Depraved Or Criminal Weenies. I Report, You Get Squicked

Setting, NRA Headquarters, Fairfax Virginia, a very well appointed office. Framed giclée prints of firearms line the wall. Oak desk, oddly somewhat taller than most.

Cast, Wayne LaPierre, now entering the office. Well pinned suit, hair slicked back, almost shellaced. He is followed by a young woman in a standard business pantsuit, in an Advantage™ camouflage pattern, carrying a number of documents and newspapers that she then places on the desk. WLP picks up the New York End Tmes.

Wayne LaPierre: absent-mindedly "Thank you, Miss HotLoad."
Miss HotLoad: quietly, exasperated "For the goddammed last time, my name is Conner." normal tone "Of course sir."
WLP: "Anything important in the world this morning, babe?"
Miss Conner: again, quietly, exasperated "I should have listened to my mother." a normal, but somewhat nervous tone, as if she knows exactly what will happen next "Well, there's been a school shooting, about 130 kids dead."

Miss Conner has worked with Mr. Lapierre long enough to catch the momentary break in his facade, the hint of a grin, and turns away as Mr. Lapierre ducks below the desk. She hears a low moan, and 7 seconds later Mr. Lapierre re-appears.

WLP: almost giggling "Ok, Miss HotLoad. I'll need the PR people. Standard drill, no official response from us for a few days, anyone who says anything is politicizing a tragedy, the kids should have had guns, and so on."
MC: now genuinely nervous, and a hint of disgust "Mr. LaPierre, it wasn't in the US, Peshawar Pakistan."
WLP: the facade has dropped in its entirety, ear to ear grin "So not christian, or white?"

Mr. LaPierre drops below the desk, moaning, the sound of a head bouncing off the bottom of a desk drawer. Miss Conner turns her back on the desk, throws up a little in her mouth, tries to distract herself - who do the Packers play, who the hell makes camouflage pantsuits, and who chooses them for a uniform, why didn't I listen to my mother. Mr. Lapierre pulls himself up above the desk in 33 seconds.

WLP: casual "Hrmmff. Miss HotLoad, cancel the drill. That will be all. And, you know, thanks."



What? I suspect I'm right, or at least close.

Random Football Post

All opinions are my own and correct.

Wisconsin Badgers vs Ohio State Buckeyes

I'm a little surprised to see Wisconsin as a 3-4 point favorite, honestly. It's going to be brutal. On our side, it's on a neutral field, Indianapolis Lukas Oil (a city also known as Hell, the air handlers work overtime, the filters being changed every half-hour.)

• Playing indoors, Melvin Gordon can take full advantage of a dry field.
• Also due to being played indoors, Joel Stave's famous 'where-is-it-going' misdirection passes could find a target.
• Our offensive line is much better than any offensive line OSU has seen this year.

In OSU's favor, they are a really good football team, JT Barrett or no.

• The team is playing for a spot in the CFB playoffs, the oh-so-scientific way the NCAA has come up with to choose a national champeen
• OSU will have some emotion, playing for Kosta Karageorge and Barrett

My pick - 24-21 Badgers but I would not put money on that.

Notes - The NCAA And Amphibian Molestation

As an important aside, one sort of hopes that the suicide of Karageorge can get some push into the NCAA and NFL doing something about the freakin' concussions. It won't, of course - the NCAA has a code of Omerta that the Mafia aspires to, and is one of the leading criminal organizations in the country with their wildly inconsistent rules about amateurism. The NFL is not far behind.

Speaking of the NCAA and criminal behaviour, I heard a good theory this morning about Jameis Winston, FSU QB, who is not going to be drafted as high as he is thinking. FSU will punish him, starting January 13, the day after the college championship game. He won't be back for the spring semester anyhow; he is expected to declare for the NFL draft. Speaking of the NFL and criminal behaviour, someone will draft him, but, as I said, not as high as he is thinking. 

As for the Champeenship Tourney, only one SEC team. Good, I hate 'em. I'm not particularly fond of Oregon either, but I can live with them winning out.

As far as the Heisman Trophy, it'll probably be the twerp QB from Oregon, further proving the NCAA and all sportswriters have their collective heads so far up their collective asses they use gastric depressurizations to style their combovers.

Green Bay Packers vs The Mighty Atlanta Falcons

Atlanta is feeling good, expecting to host a playoff game with a frightening 5-11 record. I'm not complaining about the NFC South - that's just how it goes. ESPN can shut the fuck up and live with it. As for the game, I expect a solid victory for the Packers. 

The Packers are the top of the NFC right now, Arizona has lost momentum. We have a chance to run the table, although I am a little concerned about Buffalo. They can play some ugly football and win, and I think could surprise someone looking past them to Detroit. As for Detroit, they have so far avoided their time-honored of imploding in Week 9, but now have reached December, with their time honored tradition of lying down like a cheap Persian Rug embroidered with a Kincade painting.

Special Note From The Management

My puppy likes to lick Punkboy cat. Okay, so my dog will have hairballs. Wevs. The Punk will take it up to the point that Jaxson attempts to swallow his head. Then it's on. Take the points on the feline.

The Minnesota Vikings - Just Cuz I Lives Here

The Queens, watching their enormous boondoggle going up in Minneapolis, have shown sparks. Although I can't document it, mostly because it is not on a document, I picked them at the beginning of the season to go 6-10. Imma revise that to 7-9. Couple more players and the patience to not brutally turn on their QB and I could see 8-8 down the road. Still not good, but. 

Zygi Wilf is a savage failure of the human experience. When he kicks it, there are not enough anti-rejection drugs on earth to allow the possibility of organ transplant. A toad, and not the good lickable kind. He believes he's Machiavelli's Prince. I suspect he's a bit more Carrot Top.

The Peterson saga is near an end, Goodell screwed up the situation to the point where any judge will reinstate him, but the MN sports market, surprisingly, has sort of said the hell with him. I suspect he doesn't play this season unless MN goes ahead tomorrow with the almost inevitable trade to the Cowboys. 

And stuff.