This requires a brief setup.
In Raw Story this morning, it was reported that the au-ful-teurs who made the beloved-in-baptist-Mississippi Twilight-fucking-fanfic-mormon-BDSM epic Fifty Shades Of Grey will be making a film based on BEEENNGHHAAZZZI.
Friend of teh blog Big Bad Bald Bastard (srsly, read him now. He's a wonderful writer and annoyingly prolific) posted in comments
Relativity Media will be teaming up with 50 Shades of Grey
producer Dana Brunetti on what will be the second film in production
about the September 11, 2012 attack on the United States consulate in
Let me guess, just in time for the 2016 Presidential election! Both films will probably have a scene in which Hilary asks, "What does it matter?" completely out of context.I was inspired to put on my screenwriter's helmet, a lovely shade of tinfoil, with beerholders, and create this little script.
Scene. The Oval Office. The bust of Lincoln is not present, although white dust and granules where it was give some clue to its disposition. In its place, an Ehrlenmeyer flask filled with fetuses. The door from the Chief of Staff's Office slams open and Bill Clinton runs into the room
Bill: "Honey? Mrs. President?"
President Hillary Clinton's head rises from between the legs of an african-american muslim liberal jewish woman, named Fidel, with a Wellesley Masters of Soviet Film Studies
HRC: "Who is she now?"
Bill, almost giggling: "The North Koreans have teamed up with the CDC and nuked the SEC championship game. Over 65,000 southern baptists have been turned to pencil lead!"
HRC, sinks back down: "What nomnom does it slozzle matter?nomnomnomnom..."
If they film that (and I get credit, bicthes), I will not only overjoyingly vote for Hillary, adding all the local cemeteries, but I'll start donating paychecks.