Sunday, February 14, 2016

I Can Haz Shortwave Radio Nao?

Mr. Grain posed a puzzler.

Per Alex Jones, President Blackenstein had a Judge offed. TenGrain is holding a small collective creational Kaffeklatch to figure out how. This aggression cannot stand.

Thus, I posit this.

President Obama put his PLAN into place shortly before New Years with a diversion in Oregon. Special Raptorforce Agent Ritzheimer, J., put the ouija-board pieces in place, then, informing his pawns that there had been a contrail sighting at the Jade Helm Camp Alphabits and his presence was required, he headed for Texas.

Wearing his issued Hyperthelegic Duck-aticion Inviso-foot Caster, he snuck 4 cases of Megovaltine into the Palatial Patriotic Palace and Pyoluretic Podiatrics Practice in Paris, Texas, where the Council on Fraternal Relations was having its annual epistemic closure.

On Friday night, the ELF receiver implanted in Deep Stage Agent Ritzenwollenstein (his actual name, and a lot of good men died horribly of Samoan Cunnilingusboarding to get that information) gave the go signal, three short brrrrrts and a beep. He turned on his negroidizer to blend in with the staff, and upon Shadow Chief Justice Scalia’s page requesting a warm milk and two small pre-punctured children, entered the moratorium, where Scalia had already spread plastic, making the agent’s job even just that much more pleasant.

Pulling his gauss gun, he quickly injected electromorphins in the judge’s chest region. Placing the gun in the hand of one of the, by now, rather sloppy children, knowing that in doing this, the mainstream of the party would blame Scalia’s passing on age and the continuing presence of America’s Funniest Home Videos on many Fox affiliates, the Agent tapped the transmitter stitched to his prostate, announcing the deed had been done, and bit down on his thermite molar.


  1. I think you have a guest host at InfoWars coming up!



  2. requesting a warm milk and two small pre-punctured children

    At home, he had a cellar full of pale, butter-fattened prepubescent boys with convenient heart plugs installed. And a hover suit.

  3. You can substitute on Glenn Beck's show...