Thursday, June 25, 2015

I Think Scott Walker Is Making Certain Moves, Politically...

So That He May Better Run For The Presidency

Scott Walker, Goggle-Eyed Humonculus Currently Running The Koch Brother's Subsidiary Formerly Know As The State Of Wisconsin (h/t the brilliant Mr. Charles Pierce), has just overturned the already sort of completely toothless Wisconsin law mandating a 48 hour waiting period to possess a handgun after inquiry into a purchase.

Almost certainly one of the priorities he spoke about in his gubernatorial run in 2014.

However, I do have a bit of a confuzzling over his likely governing philosophy. Lemme see if I got this straight.

A woman has a pregnancy that has issues - either the embryo/fetus is of questionable viability, or she feels she cannot provide a secure environment for the eventual child, or she just does not want to have a baby.

She has made this decision. Her decision. No one, no matter their opinion on the pro-choice/forced birth spectrum, makes this decision lightly, no one has a girlfriend's afternoon with Panera's/manicure/abortion.

Walker would now have her wait 72 hours, 72 hours of small-governmentally-enforced lobbying by her ob/gyn, or goddamn lunicidal xtians, 
about the goings-on in her genitalia, or 72 hours to drive four hours home and then 4 hours back, before she can have an abortion.

Gotcha, boss. But, ummm...

Then, point the second.

I have a neighbor, who has moles. His moles go into my finely manicured lawn and create unsightly proof that there are moles in my lawn. This communist bastard neighbor refuses to deal with his moles. My finely manicured lawn, which I prize above all other things, is endangered by lumbricus-istic rodents. My lawn, just to be clear. I love my lawn. I've made love to my lawn. Shut up.

So my neighbor must die, repeatedly if necessary.

I can now go to Bob's Compensation Shop. "Bob's - Where We Don't Know Or Care About Our Inventory, Screw The Blackamoor In The House For Real Americans! Our Deals And Our Customers Are Crazy!!!"

I ask Bob, the proprietor, actually Bob The Third, as palindromes are extremely easy to remember the spelling of - it's a heritage thing. I says to Bob, Bob, I says, "I would like a Grock .814cal Varmint Molester Model 1776, 8 clips, and 4 boxes of fully metal jacketed rounds. I has a varmint problem, Bob, and I intend to fix it."

Bob says, "Certainly stranger, who I don't even rea-a-a-al-l-y have to check ID on, I'll just take this form that you can put anything on, like your name *snerk*, say, Bob Bobson, and send it off to the unreliable and slow federal website which I may have forgotten to sort of sign up for because in Wisconsin firearms dealer's licenses might actually be easier to get than the gun. Now, because yer very pale,

*Episode of eyeball Tourette's, in some areas it might be considered a couple of winks. Or epilepsy. Stroke, maybe. Freshly defibrillated? I recognize the gesture from my mirror this morning, and so I am comforted.*

do you need help carrying it out to your truck right at this moment because it's your right in Wisconsin to buy a gun without a waiting period, you're a lovely shade of white so I expect that the background check will be as pure as the driven snow?"

Twenty minutes later, my neighbor has been permanently corrected of the errors of his ways. Unfortunately, I forgot to stop at Home Depot for grub killer and an Earthway's manual spreader. Dammit! Fuck my life!


Scott Walker feels MY pain. I need him for president now!


  1. When the courts sent his anti-fabulous-marriage law out to the cornfield, Turdwaffle said "The fight is over. It's time to move on"

    Being a congenital liar who has never had his self-contradiction thrown in his face, now it's time to fleece the rubes and fire up the base.

    Interesting, though, that he apparently has no idea how the Constitution actually works....

    1. Must have flunked out of school before they covered that....