Sunday, June 9, 2013

Happy Pulpit Freedom Day! Shall We Have Cake Or Death?

Today is Pulpit Freedom Day, the one day every year when the poor, put-upon, homophobic, gynophobic, semitiphobic, TV network owning, Lear Jet possessing, un-taxed christian majority of the United States leaps free of their shackles, finally letting their voices be heard, the truth of teh Holy Aryan Bearded Dude trumpeting forth, not fluting forth, or clarineting forth, bunch of wussys, TRUMPETS!

Today's topic:
Marriage Equality. The number of states with either full or partial marriage equality is slowly increasing, with a particular bump recently. Christians are running scared, as 100% of the population of each state with marriage equality have turned. Iowa? Rump riot. Minnesota? My divorce has finalized and I have taken off with my brother in law on a happy honeymoon/casino vacation. New Mexico explicitly accepts out-of-state same-sex marriages, and now nothing grows.

On this most underground of holidays, you round white fucks, subsidized by my tax dollars - I happily pay my taxes, when it helps people. Schools, law enforcement, fire departments. A defensive military ( I am not, however, especially hip to foreign entanglement, dronezzzzz, black ops/wetwork.) Hospitals and health care. Feeding, clothing, roofing, and heating people who currently do not have shit - you whacky paranoid religious bozos got yours, so, and I say this with all love, suck on a tailpipe. Self-immolation - its what's for dinner. Martyr your ass - please.

"People, children, we gather here to remind ourselves that teh qweers are coming for YOU! They want to t-u-u-r-r-r-n you, to make you icky! Men of Gaw-awd, do you really want to suck a cock?!? Women, though, lesbianism is NOT in the bible, just make sure to share the video. I, myself, have weld-ded, 8 guage diamondplate to my A-nal, dirty spot, much the same as the early MEN of GAWD were... eatenbylionsintehcoliseum. (Honey, I need the pepto, please!)"

These horrible, sick bastards, fleecing their flock, and robbing the treasury. I don't have anything in particular against faith - I am not a hard atheist, even having a place for a 'prime mover' sort of thing. Do not try to tell me that such PM gives any particular shit about us, nor is the mover necessarily anything we could understand, especially the popular, anthropomorphized Sky Fairy. These immoral jackholes certainly can live on the high hog on their follower's dime if the followers willingly cough it up - people are allowed to be dumb. But on my dime - you spout off about politics, you become a political player, you pay the entry fee, and you twats owe us a fortune.

Catholics are involved as well, even as Ex-Pope Jackboots the Fingerer-Forgiver luxuriates in the Vatican, convinced he's earned his retirement and place in Heaven. But, Catholics have their own martyred lion-poop today, Matt Birk, of the Minnesota Vikings and Baltimore Ravens, who refused to meet with the President and the rest of the Ravens in the traditional White House congratulations to the Super Bowl team. 

Let's ignore the fact that we have greater fish to fry in the country than the winner of a gambling event (unless it is the Packers). But even the Pack has no business taking up the time of the damned leader of the free world, 'specially when the free world is fucked, 'specially when a significant number of the fuck-ers are holding Pulpit Freedom Day.

Catholic Matt Birk had a problem with the leader of the free world allowing that women have the freedom to bodily autonomy, you know, crazy talk, and that Planned Parenthood has been a leader in protecting and enabling aforesaid bodily autonomy, you know, crazy talk. 
Matt Birk was on a Super Bowl team, received a Super Bowl ring, with a murderer, Ray Lewis. Didn't say a thing. Didn't return the ring. Seems if he gets the ring, murder is fine? Matt Birk played on a Vikings team, a good Vikings team, that nearly made a couple of Super Bowls, with a bunch of players implicated in the Love Boat Scandal. Never heard a peep, locally or nationally. Seems if Matt Birk can get close to the Super Bowl with a whole damn bunch o' sinners, hooker-fondling suddenly becomes moral as hell. Or perhaps Birk has taken a role model, Mark Chmura, who refused to meet President Clinton because hummers. That would be Mark Chmura the rapist. Seems rape is cool if you hate Planned Parenthood. 

Dear Pastors/Preachers/Priests of America,

Shut up.

Love, paleo


  1. Ya wanna borrow my Fuck You Friday graphic/animated GIF? Throw a couple more cusswords in there and you're in.

    1. ...especially more cussing for Chmura. What a fucknozzle.

    2. What a fucknozzle.
      Proving once again, if you have enough money, you don't get convicted for teh little things. And that you're a fucknozzle.

    3. And as demonstrated so clearly in TEX-ASS this week, when it's a crime against a woman, it's a Little Thing.

      I mean, it's not as if he assaulted a MAN or anything.

    4. Oh, jayzuz on a jump-up, don't get me started. Texas should be killed with fire.

    5. Considering the predictions for summer temperatures, they seem to be well on their way.

    6. Huzzah! Except Big Bend and Austin...

  2. I am sittin' here with a laptop, occasionally spending precious foot collateral doing laundry. What else am I supposed to do but eat my own liver and cuss at sumbitches?

  3. btw, what did Birk do? refuse to meet the Prez? It seems to be the thing to do for idiot overpaid "I built this" sports-douches when there is a Democrat in the WH.

    Odd isn't it how so much of this stuff is a problem when it's a Democrat, but completely unremarked when it's a Republican. Almost as if there's a different standard at play...I feel like I should come up with a pithy phrase that could be made into an acronym to describe it....

    Also, I am amazeballs at how fully the rightwing is going into misogynyLand. At this point, I will only be mildly surprised to see a push to rescind the 19th Amendment.

    1. refuse to meet the Prez?
      Yeah. I'd more or less be okay with his 'stand', everyone has the right to be a putz, if he hadn't immediately run to Sports Illustrated with "Well, I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but I haz morelz."

      Simple and pithy. Watch the four letter words. I mean, any word longer than four letters.

      I am amazeballs at how fully the rightwing is going into misogynyLand.
      Its hard to look at the toobz these last couple weeks. Jesus, the right has hit escape velocity from ModernityLand. More than just women, these peckernecks are this close to going full Gilead.

  4. Replies
    1. "Cry havoc, and let loose the bassoons of war!"