Monday, August 19, 2013

Television Is A Vast Wasteland! (Hmmm. I Like That, Damn I'm Clever...)

I've spent a week on a couch, feet propped in the air (and NOT. in. the good way!) (You're very welcome, brain bleach to your left, I'll be here a couple more days, thank you!), and watching TV. I want, no, need to share a little thing, I've discovered... 

The problem. With. AMERICA.

I won't make a claim rife with hypocrisy, or brag of special powers - if I have TV, I will watch it, especially if it has ghoulies, beasties, or things what go bump in the night. Including some of the reality TV aboot ghoulies, beasties, and things what go bump in the night. This keeps my channels in the Discovery/TLC/Travel/H2/Syfy (christ do I hate that fucking name) territory. I also love Duck Dynasty (yes, I said it, I know they are huge republicans/fundiegelical/NRA types, don't care, I think it is funnier than hell, and kinda sweet sometimes).

My tastes, however, put me in contact with, oh, say:

Ancient Aliens: Lunatic sharing a hairdresser with Don King takes confirmation bias to a whole new level, thereby taking a field already plagued with poor use of the scientific method and making it look even more foolish, punishing the legitimate scientists who risk mockery to do real research.

Call of the Wildman: Lunatic with impenetrable accent molests southern rodents. 

Celebrity Ghost Stories: Lunatics who have, in fact, been on TV at one point or other (hell, I've been on TV, several times. High Quiz Bowl, bitches. Yes, I'm an enormous nerd), all of whom seem to fought off Satan himself, and hellhounds, and the ghost of Charles Manson, Charles Schultz, Charles In Charge.

Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives: Lunatic who is also giant douchebag stretches what could be an enjoyable, short series/travelogue into an interminable, unwatchable, celebration of lunatic douchebag.

Lizard Lick Towing: Lunatics who have gone into repo work because I, for one, am not calling anything called goddam Lizard Lick Towing when my 78 Vega breaks the length of sisilana I am using for a fan belt. 

Okay. I see. Let us try the class of television, then. Yes, I am about to get flamed, fuck off, I'm right and you know it.

Dexter: Seriously, bad guy catches bad guys, I suppose it is an interesting concept, but it has been done.

Breaking Bad: Same as the Sopranos, and also BORING AS HELL. Bryan Cranston is, however, an unbelievable actor.

Mad Men: What the fuck? Republican wet dream. How is this nostalgia - that America sucked, it's like that movie The Help. The one time I saw MM, I hated because it made me mad as hell, and I wanted to beat every character senseless.

All of teh above? Need moar evil dead things.


  1. Breaking Bad: Same as the Sopranos, and also BORING AS HELL.

    You, sir, are dead to me.

    I heard Bryan Cranston was on the short list for the next Doctor.

    1. NOPE! I stand by my statement. I have lived in Methville (more Northern than here MN), ignoring the spontaneous evaporations, who da fuck ever decided inhaling Mr. Plumber was a good idea? See updated post.

      But I do genuinely think highly of Cranston, and he'd make a good Doctor I think.

    2. I shall be overbearing and loud until you acknowledge my superiority or walk away and I can claim victory.

      I can haz Sundai show?

    3. BTW, that Political Environment blog - good find, I try to catch it every couple days or so...

    4. the thing about BB and MM, is they aren't shows that you can just drop in on. Most characters and sub-plots are multi-episodic arcs, and you have to make an attempt to keep up. And I say KUDOS to the creators for not playing to the lowest common denominator, couch-potatoee just looking for some stupid laughs or T&A between footerball games.

      Both shows reward diligent viewing and if you pay careful attention, even more detail is sussed out. I acknowledge LGM for sharpening my skills in these visual aesthetics.

      Although I admit last Sunday's BB was a very very very slow boil. except for the "Am I under arrest?" scene, which was great, especially Hank's befuddlement at Skyler's unwillingness to talk openly and freely to a police officer without a lawyer present, just because he is an in-law and obviously he would never misuse the information. Don't be silly!

      Made me think of a video I saw recently where a law prof proved that there is no case where you should EVER talk to the cops, there is no way it will turn out better for you--and he brought a cop on that confirmed it.

    5. Also both shows succeed by being engrossing while offering nearly no characters with redeeming virtues. Neat trick, that.

  2. Its a taste thing - I don't generally like action films, well, one thing to say - in the last few days I saw Die Hard on Starz (teh first film) and you forget in the midst of copymania just how really good that film was, for that matter, First Blood was an excellent film as well but I never saw Rambo's 2-73, I don't generally like drama, I was roped into watching The Help, and got the reaction I expected, I wanted to reanimate Sherman and equip him with napalm.
    I'm a horror, science fiction, documentary, geek guy. The LGM movie/TV posts (is it Campos does movies almost shot by shot?) are great posts but go deeper than I usually go, I'm just after escape, ideally without Adam Sandler/Dane Cook/T&A, give me Mel Brooks, or The Legend Of Boggy Creek, or Northern Exposure.

    Of course, I am, as usual correct in all my statements. Well, ok, grammatically correct. Well, actually, I've got a couple run-on sentences the length of my p- ARM, arm I say. So philosophically, umm, fuggit.

    1. Well, taste is something else entirely. I just couldn't understand thinking Breaking Bad was boring.

      I am a sucker for movies that go boom, like the Die Hard set. Of course, disbelief has to be suspended with a block and tackle to get through them, and even then, I laugh when they drop YET ANOTHER fracking elevator, or leap through a curtain wall window, shattering it with one impact...

      I have actually found that good comedy is very conducive to creative work, as long as it's not something that you have to pay attention to (not Sandler. I said GOOD comedy). Hence, I usually keep a pile of MST3K discs in the office for design time....although I have found old Buffy or Star Trek (any old series, even the maligned E-Prise) episodes will work well also.

      I think it's SEK that does the visual rhetoric gig.

    2. Not sure how you can have MST3K on as background ("Ohhh, Mr. B, you're hot!""Hai-kiba Captain Ken!") and not lose track of what you are doing trying to catch every joke, be tough for me.

      At this point I have memorized Babylon 5, West Wing, River Monsters - all make perfectly good background for my plotting to take over the world-er-r-r-r, doing the household budget I mean.

    3. well, that's it. I have them mostly memorized. Also, my design process often doesn't need focus like doing a spreadsheet or a code review or a door schedule; a different kind of focus. I don't know if I can explain it better than that. But loud music works also; although sometimes it seems like the muses work better with one input than with another, and I might have to switch off.

      I spent a fair amount of time on a couple of tape-trading sites back before Shout factory started reissuing the eps, so I had tapes and DVDs of nearly every episode. The only ones I didn't have many of were the KTMA proto-season; I will tell you that from the couple I do have, it's not really a great loss. Anyway, stacks and boxes of MST3K.

      The other thing about MST3K is that any random episode is kind of like a great transit system: if you miss one joke, hold tight; another will be along in a moment...

    4. Also, "I wouldn't go in there for a while".

    5. I had a few Turkey Days completely taped, including Sidehackers, The Beatniks, War Of The Colossal Beast, Magic Sword. And watched as many as possible when it was on (have I mentioned that I hate the Sy-Fy channel, and the the name Sy-Fy makes me criminally stabby?) I watch it on Netflix now.

    6. How dumb are you Uncle dad,
      Pretty dumb that's for sure!

    7. If you haven't noticed, Netflix has removed most of the streaming episodes since Shout Factory has become more aggressive in selling them.

    8. If you haven't noticed, Netflix has removed most of the streaming episodes since Shout Factory has become more aggressive in selling them.

      I hadn't, but figgers.

    9. I had a lot of spare time during the few years of the Great Unpleasantness, so I even set up a spreadsheet so's I could keep track of which eps I had, and format, and which ones were commercially available (and thus verboten for the traders). It is...kind of impressive, in a sadly obsessive kind of way.

    10. See also, my wife and her minibottle collection. 15-20 pages in Excel, she keeps in her purse to cross-reference anywhere we see minibottles. Also for insurance purposes, as she insists someday we will find an insuarance company that covers comestibles...

    11. ...although my MST spreadsheet is a Mac Numbers document in the cloud, so I can access it from my computers, iPad, or iPhone. ...

    12. Oh mummy, fah-thah, I'm orff to the pahtio to play the grahnd piahno...

      Is that something I/she can do with Docs-to-go?

    13. That's iPiano.

      Dunno. The close integration that many people chide Apple for makes this pretty seamless. I imagine so, but I would have no idea how to set it up.

    14. I shouldn't have rained on your parade like that, without mentioning that the MST3K Digital Archive Project has encouraged many people to put up episodes on YouTube. There are quite a few available, although not all of them by a long shot.

      If you notice, that link homebases to the MST3K wiki:

      Which, if I had my shit together, I would join and become an editor. Unfortunately, as Henry Rollins says and as I have demonstrated to most of the Internarfles, my shit is all apart. But I am trying to be drinkable, yes.

      Also, and most affectionately, the MST3K Rando-matic:

    15. I shouldn't have rained on your parade like that
      A.) ???
      B.) I've already been on generators once today, don't use the 'R' word. Actually, once we're on gens, I'm cool, and of course on utility, I'm cool. It's that 3 seconds where 1500 or so contacts have to be made in the correct order that always make my stomach flutter, even after 5 years.
      B-1.) Yes, back at work, for I am dumb.

      Danke for teh links! (Mmmm, links. More shit I can't have, although fake eggs with homemade salsa and cheese is sounding mighty for supper.

      But I am trying to be drinkable, yes.
      Is this some new iteration of Rule 34 I have no need to be knowledgeable of?

    16. Oh, I felt like I was harsh in the way I revealed that Netflix had fucked over the MST 3K streaming.

      ..The "R" word? Rowsdower?

    17. No worries, I didnae pick up on it.

      Rowsdower - Crow: 'They worship Blue Oysters.' That was a good ep, horrible film...

      R as in Rain, or more specificalistically, Severe Thunderstorm Warning. Wherein we go off the grid.

      Netflix is currently going through my instant queue with an axe.


  3. BTW, that Political Environment blog - good find, I try to catch it every couple days or so...

    They get some entertainingly stereotypical anonymous trolls. i always mock them for being insufficiently proud of their hatefulness to own it with an actual pseudonym.

    The recurring troll Reagan's Disciple found it impossible to not veer into frothing racism and bigotry, and has been sent into the cornfield.

    In any case, documentation of all teh ways Walker is dismantling and destroying Wisconsin.

    1. Ha, ha, I saw you and another guy get spanked for being family unfriendly! snerk

      The thing last night from the reporter from the Progressive, I can't tell if he genuinely believes there is still a chance Turdwaffle is not running for President, barring serious scandal...

    2. Ha. Yeah, Jake is another regular, he has an in-depth blog that talks economics in great detail. It's like if Krugman was focused on Wisconsin and had a lot of time on his hands.

      We both got a bit unruly in a post about Trudwaffle. We weren't wrong, but promised to do better. Notice JR went ahead and posted our bad language comments anyway.

      But how is fucking family unfriendly?

    3. But how is fucking family unfriendly?
      Sounds like a Troma film, or Georgia. The state.

    4. didja ever see "House of 1000 Corpses"?

      you can take those three words, "fucking", "family", and "unfriendly". mix 'em up in any order, and use it as a movie poster tagline.

    5. didja ever see "House of 1000 Corpses"?
      Love Sid Haig, Love Rob Zombie, unfortunately only liked the film.

      And now, Quentin Tarantino's Heidi
      "Oh Grandpapa? I have fed the goats, and Peter, and now it is time for you to SUCK A FUCKING TAILPIPE OLD MAN! BURRITO SUPREME!!!"

  4. mikey has awarded me the Blog Verbosity Crown, so you can keep shouting louder, and I will rebut with patented Walls O'Text that numb and smother.

  5. patented Walls O'Text
    Four dimensional sun or cubic time, that is what we must be educated on. For only the blind believes in 2D time, or 3D sun.

  6. Need moar evil dead things.

    well, that goes without saying.