Monday, September 30, 2013

A Couple Of Letters Home

Just wanted to share...

July 31, 2013
Hey folks! 
Thanks for the birthday card, and this weekend Sweetie and I are taking a little weekend up north, we'll use the gift cert for dinner one night. I adore my wife. 
We're doing good here - progress is always slow on the damn house, but it is cheery and stuff, we quibble over things but ever onward. Teh kitties are adorable, the brother-in-law less so but it's cool to have him around. Just had the Neighborhood Night Out, met a bunch of new neighbors, nice people, bring some youth and the pitter-patter of feet between it appears 3 and 15 years oldish. You know I think kids are great, I have a nice big lawn.
You know me, Mr. Big  Liberal, but I'm excited, we're excited, MN Marriage Equality starts at midnight, v. cool... 
We love y'all, take care of yerselves and we'll see you in a couple weeks, 
Love, paleo, Sweetie, Diva Bitch Cat and Punkboy

Sept. 30, 2013
Hope you're alright - I hear they are getting food trucks out to the smaller cities. Mom would have wanted you to eat. 
Things have settled down a little here. I managed to dispose of my brother-in-law, lucky I was sleeping with the gun under my pillow, who knows what he would have done had he caught me by surprise, but with the morgues and cemeteries overflowing I had to get creative. 
It was hard enough with sweetie leaving, but I was just questioned yesterday by agents from the North Shore Provisional People's Council - she and a person known only as Pat are the primary suspects in a series of church flagellations up by Ely. I called the couples next door, and they all called their other significant others, and when faced with that much queeritude they backed off, but then Roald up the street opened up in our general direction and it turned into a brief exchange before the agents headed to a friendly house. Gov. Dayton's Air Force dealt with them with extreme prejudice. The neighborhood has settled into smoldering peace of a sort. 
If the lake cools, I may go fishing. 
No one listened to Cassandra. The man across the street has declared Rastafarian Law and tried to sell me livestock. The cats chewed through the screen door and there are no birds or squirrels left, and actually, thinking about it, I haven't seen the fox kits that had been under the neighbor's shed. What have we done... 
I may head for you, if you can vouch for me at the border. I'll have to fluff it up a bit to make it through the Metro, so excuse the make-up when I see you.  
Watch out, bud.

This parody inspired by this delightful bit of loonacy. And Green Eggs and Ham. 

That's right! A very generous MFC supporter has agreed to a very generous matching gift, so every dollar you give to help MFC will be DOUBLED up to $10,000, from now through September 30th.

Why? They understand that our religious liberties that have been under attack for many years were further stripped away on August 1st, when same-sex “marriage” became law without any significant religious liberty protections.
Your gift of $25, $50, $100 or more to MFC will be doubled from now through midnight, Monday night, September 30th.

Note: There are more African Americans in this plea for funds then there are in the entire organization.


  1. The man across the street has declared Rastafarian Law and tried to sell me livestock.

    You should definitely start a newsletter!

    1. He's a chef from Jamaica. I've had barbequed goat over there - d-r-o-o-o-l.

  2. If the gays take over, will you survive the makeover?
    You've never indicated that you were a fashion plate.

    1. I am the anti- fashion plate. Those Queer Eye fellas - learned it all from me. Largely by taking a great big 180 from everything I do.

      (My wife says I clean up nice, but I think she's required to. And sammiches - I'm fairly certain I got those in the vows.)

  3. How much you want to bet that photo is a stock shot that they didn't pay for?

    1. You're prolly right. Soundtrack courtesy of p2p. I suspect the MFC is somewhat less than warmly accepting of anyone who fails the toilet paper test. I know, MN talibangelicals? Home of Bachmadinajad*? Say it ain't'nt so.

      *Stolen from Raw Story commenter - my newest favoritest phrase.