Saturday, April 14, 2012

You Can See Me On ESPN In Six, Eight Weeks, Tops

After all, i think the Brew Crew could use a power cleanup batter...

Whilst my dear sweetums was having a chica's night last night, I was ordered to vacate the residence until such time as I came home. Heartbroken, and a bit put off (they was making Papa Murphy's, dammit! They make a paper-thin crust pizza that is almost, if not quite, diabetic-acceptable...), I joined the other husband involved, and his two boy mini-humans, at a local indoor batting cage.

Understand that the last time I swung at a pitched baseball was about 24 hours before I heard about Dungeons and Dragons, so that would be (ummm, scriblescribbleerase forty-hymaah, carry teh bucket, extrapolate pi, nineteen-eighty-three) a long damn time ago. And I didn't like sports much then. However, innately convinced of my ability to conquer anything I put my staggeringly something mind to, and with the knowledge that my body is the Temple Of Adonis (2500 years old and falling the fuck apart), I gleefully accepted the challenge. Yes, there was beer.

I rocked. Absolutely rocked! Once we got the pitching machine set up to hit the strike zone everytime, and we worked our signal for when the ball was coming, I started cranking them! Had there been fielders, I'd have schooled them, pulling the ball to the opposite field by smacking 'em off the handle, bouncing grounders that I know would have had them all fooled, and long, straight solid shots placed between the shortstop and the left fielder. I pwned.

But, I'm a bit out of shape, and I'm having a few physical hangups this morning. I've taken 10, maybe 12 ibuprofen, I couldn't be arsed to count, or look, and there was a very nice early morning walker who I asked to shoot me, but he was getting to the cardio part of his walk and just as I asked that, he started with the running routine. (Exercise? Peh!)

Yep, on my way! I'll do autographs free right now, if asked and sent a ball. Trust me, by July, you're gonna want one of these babies, your financial future will be secure! (That's my economic tip-o'-teh-day, by the way.) So learn from me, people - do your dream. Myself? I'm gonna find my 2nd Addition DM Guide as soon as I can walk.

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