Just learned that Harry Harrison passed away. Dammit.
The Stainless Steel Rat was some clever damn writing, the crimes of Slippery Jim very well crafted, albeit with quite a bit of applied phlebotinum. Subversive in a way, very anti ray-gun, Jim DiGriz was sick at the thought of killing. The Stainless Steel Rat For President is a wonderful take on electioneering.
Slippery Jim DiGriz was a favorite of mine for several years, and the lovely, incredibly lethal Angelina a dream girl of mine. Poop.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Couple Little Things About The Zombie-Eyed Granny Starver
We've had half a week with Young Master Munster, Paul Ryan, the original ZOMBIE-EYED GRANNY STARVER.* And you know, he has quite the inspirational story. Were it not for the social security benefits he collected upon his father's passing away when he was 16, or the federal money bestowed upon Ryan Construction to build interstate highways and the runways at O'Hare airport, or the $1.4 M his wife inherited, he'd be selling genuine Rolex's on the bridge over the Rock River in Janesville, or dealing meth to the kids on their way to Parker High, and our elderly population would be in less danger of eating or becoming cat food. Kinda chokes me up. The 15% unemployment Janesville had at the end of the Bush administration, after Ryan worked so hard to bring it up from the 4% at the end of the Clinton Administration, could not have occurred without Ryan's constant fellating of Illinoyances living in Beloit while ignoring the loss of GM**, and President Obama's risky strategy of getting Janesville's current unemployment to 8.9% has threatened that record.***
The big story... Ryan has restored vigor to the RomRy campaign. Hunter, believer in the cult of P90X, blue eyes, square head, whatever. I'm 2 years older than him, broken. Unelectable, probably - I drink too much, hug trees, and believe in sexual practices illegal in most of the south, immoral in most of the known star systems, and impossible in most Newtonian physics.**** I don't want me anywheres near power - I'd immediately nuke from orbit any country with the effrontery to not have decent sauerkraut, because sauerkraut and big red button, stuff, much less this fetus.
Had to listen to a bit of Ed Schultz***** yesterday, I knew he would be having a great deal of fun with the Ryan pick. He had on Richard Viguerie (be warned, following this link has been known to cause the heartbreak of psoriasis), 'architect' of the modern conservative movement (if such a construction could be considered as architected; alternatively, architect in the sense that Charles Manson was a motivational speaker). He said, defending the Mormon/Munster ticket, (and I must paraphrase), that 'elections are not about the past, they are about the future.' Gotcha, Richy.
So we can ignore the whole vulture capitalism/Bain thing, or the horsie writeoff, or the little thing about I-was-an-adult-mormon-bishop-when-we-debated-whether-or-not-black-folk-were-teh-devil-and-decided-that-hey-they're-not-soitsallgoodvoteforme widget.
Windsock Willard will be approaching the presidency with new eyes, squeegeed clean.******
And, the whole Ryan "Cat food is too good for you grannies, so Imma take your Medicare too", "I got my social security survivors benefits that I didn't need because my family company built interstate highways and the O'Hare runway with icky, filthydirty federal money but I really deserved it, y'all don't, Ted Nugent rocks","GM Janesville? What's that?" biography?
Whish, gone, doesn't matter, in the past. He has the openest mind in all of Randland.
Their bumpersticker?
we're rich, we're white, fuck you
This is apropo of nothing, but I like it and gotta calm down.
* Holy dammit, Pierce, TBogg, and Edroso and his crew of merry mischief makers, have been gleefully shredding the Boy Wonder! Ignore my bits of drivel here and read those now.
Then read my little bits of drivel.
**I had cousins who had to move to Texas. TEXAS. And not the two good parts, either. Texas is not fit for humans, only frellin' Texans. Except Austin and Big Bend NP.
***Stats courtesy of the Wonderful Wizard of Google
****After you've read this, sweetheart, we'll talk. About a lot of things. About my friend Xglphyrm. And the 40x30 fishnet stockings. Please be open-minded. Like Mitt and Paul!
*****Yeah, even I agree he can be tough to listen to sometimes, but he is a good voice for labor and will kick the frothing sociopaths ('wingnuts' is so inadequate nowadays) in the junk just for the larfs.
******Jezzus, if Bill Hicks were still alive, the lulz, ohhhh, the snark would be yummy.
The big story... Ryan has restored vigor to the RomRy campaign. Hunter, believer in the cult of P90X, blue eyes, square head, whatever. I'm 2 years older than him, broken. Unelectable, probably - I drink too much, hug trees, and believe in sexual practices illegal in most of the south, immoral in most of the known star systems, and impossible in most Newtonian physics.**** I don't want me anywheres near power - I'd immediately nuke from orbit any country with the effrontery to not have decent sauerkraut, because sauerkraut and big red button, stuff, much less this fetus.
Had to listen to a bit of Ed Schultz***** yesterday, I knew he would be having a great deal of fun with the Ryan pick. He had on Richard Viguerie (be warned, following this link has been known to cause the heartbreak of psoriasis), 'architect' of the modern conservative movement (if such a construction could be considered as architected; alternatively, architect in the sense that Charles Manson was a motivational speaker). He said, defending the Mormon/Munster ticket, (and I must paraphrase), that 'elections are not about the past, they are about the future.' Gotcha, Richy.
So we can ignore the whole vulture capitalism/Bain thing, or the horsie writeoff, or the little thing about I-was-an-adult-mormon-bishop-when-we-debated-whether-or-not-black-folk-were-teh-devil-and-decided-that-hey-they're-not-soitsallgoodvoteforme widget.
Windsock Willard will be approaching the presidency with new eyes, squeegeed clean.******
And, the whole Ryan "Cat food is too good for you grannies, so Imma take your Medicare too", "I got my social security survivors benefits that I didn't need because my family company built interstate highways and the O'Hare runway with icky, filthydirty federal money but I really deserved it, y'all don't, Ted Nugent rocks","GM Janesville? What's that?" biography?
Whish, gone, doesn't matter, in the past. He has the openest mind in all of Randland.
Their bumpersticker?
we're rich, we're white, fuck you
This is apropo of nothing, but I like it and gotta calm down.
* Holy dammit, Pierce, TBogg, and Edroso and his crew of merry mischief makers, have been gleefully shredding the Boy Wonder! Ignore my bits of drivel here and read those now.
Then read my little bits of drivel.
**I had cousins who had to move to Texas. TEXAS. And not the two good parts, either. Texas is not fit for humans, only frellin' Texans. Except Austin and Big Bend NP.
***Stats courtesy of the Wonderful Wizard of Google
****After you've read this, sweetheart, we'll talk. About a lot of things. About my friend Xglphyrm. And the 40x30 fishnet stockings. Please be open-minded. Like Mitt and Paul!
*****Yeah, even I agree he can be tough to listen to sometimes, but he is a good voice for labor and will kick the frothing sociopaths ('wingnuts' is so inadequate nowadays) in the junk just for the larfs.
******Jezzus, if Bill Hicks were still alive, the lulz, ohhhh, the snark would be yummy.
Vignette Of An After Dinner Cigar And Scotch*
Scene:
A Sunday evening, about 10pm. The sky is clear, temperature just right, dimly lit by porch light and one iPhone.
Setup:
After a late supper, lovingly crafted by Sweetie, Sweetie, B-I-L, and paleo have retreated to the porch for a brief moment of nothing, to have a drink and a cigar. While paleo was at work, Sweetie was shopping for fixtures for the Great Basement Mayhem and Remodel, and having taken pictures, was showing them to paleo for his opinion. The topic of the moment, toilets.
Sweetie:
Take a look at this, what do you think?
paleo:
I don't know much about toilets, I can look them up for quality but that's about it.
Sweetie:
Well, obviously, we want it in bone, or cream, I don't want white...
paleo: (snarkily)
Honey, c'mon, you know I had my heart set on lime green.
Sweetie: (more snarkily)
No. It clashes with poop.
B-I-L: (for the win)
Speak for yourself.
Reaction shot:
Sweetie, dragging on the cigar, coughs up her appendix. paleo blows alcohol through nose. B-I-L sits back and...awww, screw the bastard. That was well played.
*Technically, Diet Dew and Vodka. And Swisher Sweet Grape Cigarillos. Hey, don't judge me, I have a basement to remodel.
A Sunday evening, about 10pm. The sky is clear, temperature just right, dimly lit by porch light and one iPhone.
Setup:
After a late supper, lovingly crafted by Sweetie, Sweetie, B-I-L, and paleo have retreated to the porch for a brief moment of nothing, to have a drink and a cigar. While paleo was at work, Sweetie was shopping for fixtures for the Great Basement Mayhem and Remodel, and having taken pictures, was showing them to paleo for his opinion. The topic of the moment, toilets.
Sweetie:
Take a look at this, what do you think?
paleo:
I don't know much about toilets, I can look them up for quality but that's about it.
Sweetie:
Well, obviously, we want it in bone, or cream, I don't want white...
paleo: (snarkily)
Honey, c'mon, you know I had my heart set on lime green.
Sweetie: (more snarkily)
No. It clashes with poop.
B-I-L: (for the win)
Speak for yourself.
Reaction shot:
Sweetie, dragging on the cigar, coughs up her appendix. paleo blows alcohol through nose. B-I-L sits back and...awww, screw the bastard. That was well played.
*Technically, Diet Dew and Vodka. And Swisher Sweet Grape Cigarillos. Hey, don't judge me, I have a basement to remodel.
Capable Of Typing, Still Smiling
Verily vaguely outlined earlier, my B-I-L (need nickname, too much typing, bbbllppfft!) went to the Mighty Mighty BossToneS show at First Ave in Minneapolis on Saturday, and had a helluva good time. Since I haven't seen a club show in a bit, I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to mosh pit with my walker, and that it would be loud, and that everyone would want to go on my lawn. NOT TO WORRY.
I didn't go into the pit. I would have died.
It was very loud, but after my eardrums were probed, perforated, and punctured, say, 4 or 5 minutes, it was quite pleasant.
My lawn has been dead for two weeks. Oh, except weeds.
The first band was Bomb The Music Industry.
*
My lawn has been dead for two weeks. Oh, except weeds.
The first band was Bomb The Music Industry.
They have a ton of music at their pay-what-you-can website, and while I haven't downloaded anything yet, I have listened to quite a bit, and I like 'em, kinda raw, more punk than skate-punk/ska-punk. They had real good energy, but like a lot of down-ticket bands, the sound setup was not at all done for their benefit, and although you could make out the occasional chord and word, and like I said, online, I dig 'em, the show was rough.
The opening band, We Are The Union, from Detroit, jesus I LOVE that name. These are guys to watch out for - they are hitting First Ave again in November, timing sucks for me but I'd see them again, happily. Fun, fast, pissed, (much better sound doesn't hurt anything, either), met the lead guitar/singer after the show, I know it was after-show promotion shake-and-bake but he seemed really cool.
MMB headlined, band from my younger days, before I discovered the music of my age group, Montovanni, Zombie Karen Carpenter, John "Pimp-hand" Tesh.
*
Nothing else to be said. Fantastic. BLAST. Whilst deciding that I didn't want to spend the remainder of my life at the bottom of the pit, I did bounce around like a maniac for the better part of a long-ass time, singing along (hopefully on key, because eardrums), woot-ing, just awesome.
I have to point out that all three drummers, all three bands - must have to eat 114,000 calories per day while on tour, but that's okay, because they get the chicks, and as Spinal Tap demonstrates, a drummer's life is on the edge, man.
A lot of great shows coming up, my S-I-L's S.O. is an Ani DiFranco fan and going to see her, Brian Jonestown Massacre, NoFX, Bob Mould, Henry Rollins, and I'm in no financial condition to see them, although I will have to find a way for NoFX, never seen them live and I heard they suck live.
*I had video, before Blogger decided that it won't host anything of any size that doesn't have a fucking Vevo advertisement at the beginning. I digress.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Not...Twenty...One...Oww...
Imma post some pics, video, and story tomorrow, but briefly.
Mighty Mighty BossToneS, at First Avenue, with openers We Are The Union and Bomb The Music Industry.
Fucking. Awesome.
It's been way too long since I've seen a club show, but that was GREAT.
Tahnk you, paleo bro-in-law! Need ice, Advil, and minor ear surgery.
Mighty Mighty BossToneS, at First Avenue, with openers We Are The Union and Bomb The Music Industry.
Fucking. Awesome.
It's been way too long since I've seen a club show, but that was GREAT.
Tahnk you, paleo bro-in-law! Need ice, Advil, and minor ear surgery.
See, I Told You I Was 21 Years Old
Life is going to quiet down by the end of this weekend, so there will be new schtuff!
Meantime, tonight, paleo bro-in-law and paleo are going to see Mighty Mighty BossToneS at 1st Ave. (cripes it's been a while since I've seen a club show, and although it's a band from my yoot, I am worried people will be looking at me and wondering "Who brought Gramps?" Well, my brother-in-law, that's who, and fuck you, get off my lawn.)
There is big national news today. Vice President Zombie Eyed Granny Starver? Big national news type reporter Charles P. Pierce does a thorough dismantling of Congressman Munster, please read!
Next coupla posts, I'll be talking about
Some politics:
-The Wisconsin shooting and Governor Hypocrite McRatfingerer
-Chick-fil-a and the complete bullshit, typical libertarian drivel, that this was about 'free speech' and not 'ZOMG MY MASCULINITY IS THREATENED but good lord, that guy is yummy OH FUCK QUEERS HEEEELLLPP!'
A potential reality TV Show:
-paleo vs. his basement
Meantime, tonight, paleo bro-in-law and paleo are going to see Mighty Mighty BossToneS at 1st Ave. (cripes it's been a while since I've seen a club show, and although it's a band from my yoot, I am worried people will be looking at me and wondering "Who brought Gramps?" Well, my brother-in-law, that's who, and fuck you, get off my lawn.)
There is big national news today. Vice President Zombie Eyed Granny Starver? Big national news type reporter Charles P. Pierce does a thorough dismantling of Congressman Munster, please read!
Next coupla posts, I'll be talking about
Some politics:
-The Wisconsin shooting and Governor Hypocrite McRatfingerer
-Chick-fil-a and the complete bullshit, typical libertarian drivel, that this was about 'free speech' and not 'ZOMG MY MASCULINITY IS THREATENED but good lord, that guy is yummy OH FUCK QUEERS HEEEELLLPP!'
A potential reality TV Show:
-paleo vs. his basement
Monday, August 6, 2012
Every King Deserves A Throne
Life is nuts. We have started purchasing for our basement project - we can get some real savings with the local hardware-orama having an 11% off sale, and so we are running a shuttle bus for materials, and I have site acceptance testing this week for a big project, guaranteed to result in success, a desk job, and hot and cold running oral sex; or, an exit interview.
Wish me luck.
We did find the perfect accesory for our new bathroom.
Gotta start lobbying my sweetheart. This is gonna take joolery, flattery, and no more hot-and-cold-running-oral-sex jokes. Also, plotting and dessert wines.
I mean, just look at it. Perfection. Coffee cup/beer can holder, the ideal in conservation of effort. Same with the pull chain flush valve, lending, as well, the joie de vivre called for during one's morning ablutions; not to be forgotten, the authenticity of the original plumbing miracle, the drain trap, eliminating odors whilst providing the required pressure equalization needed to flush one's cares away. I suspect it does not have a wi-fi repeater, but that would be too much perfection and the universe would fail, to be replaced with something even more inexplicable.*
I'll post what I can over the next week, FSM knows the world is full of screwballs who require hugs and/or extreme mockery, I tend to lean more towards mockery, and in worst cases a beating about the head and neck. I'm a man with a mission; the proud possessor of a drinking horn and a mild messianic complex. Looken sie das out, babies.
*Dr. Douglas Adams.
Wish me luck.
We did find the perfect accesory for our new bathroom.
Gotta start lobbying my sweetheart. This is gonna take joolery, flattery, and no more hot-and-cold-running-oral-sex jokes. Also, plotting and dessert wines.
I mean, just look at it. Perfection. Coffee cup/beer can holder, the ideal in conservation of effort. Same with the pull chain flush valve, lending, as well, the joie de vivre called for during one's morning ablutions; not to be forgotten, the authenticity of the original plumbing miracle, the drain trap, eliminating odors whilst providing the required pressure equalization needed to flush one's cares away. I suspect it does not have a wi-fi repeater, but that would be too much perfection and the universe would fail, to be replaced with something even more inexplicable.*
I'll post what I can over the next week, FSM knows the world is full of screwballs who require hugs and/or extreme mockery, I tend to lean more towards mockery, and in worst cases a beating about the head and neck. I'm a man with a mission; the proud possessor of a drinking horn and a mild messianic complex. Looken sie das out, babies.
*Dr. Douglas Adams.
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