Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Couple Little Things About The Zombie-Eyed Granny Starver

We've had half a week with Young Master Munster, Paul Ryan, the original ZOMBIE-EYED GRANNY STARVER.* And you know, he has quite the inspirational story. Were it not for the social security benefits he collected upon his father's passing away when he was 16, or the federal money bestowed upon Ryan Construction to build interstate highways and the runways at O'Hare airport, or the $1.4 M his wife inherited, he'd be selling genuine Rolex's on the bridge over the Rock River in Janesville, or dealing meth to the kids on their way to Parker High, and our elderly population would be in less danger of eating or becoming cat food. Kinda chokes me up. The 15% unemployment Janesville had at the end of the Bush administration, after Ryan worked so hard to bring it up from the 4% at the end of the Clinton Administration, could not have occurred without Ryan's constant fellating of Illinoyances living in Beloit while ignoring the loss of GM**, and President Obama's risky strategy of getting Janesville's current unemployment to 8.9% has threatened that record.***

The big story... Ryan has restored vigor to the RomRy campaign. Hunter, believer in the cult of P90X, blue eyes, square head, whatever. I'm 2 years older than him, broken. Unelectable, probably - I drink too much, hug trees, and believe in sexual practices illegal in most of the south, immoral in most of the known star systems, and impossible in most Newtonian physics.**** I don't want me anywheres near power - I'd immediately nuke from orbit any country with the effrontery to not have decent sauerkraut, because sauerkraut and big red button, stuff, much less this fetus.

Had to listen to a bit of Ed Schultz***** yesterday, I knew he would be having a great deal of fun with the Ryan pick. He had on Richard Viguerie (be warned, following this link has been known to cause the heartbreak of psoriasis), 'architect' of the modern conservative movement (if such a construction could be considered as architected; alternatively, architect in the sense that Charles Manson was a motivational speaker). He said, defending the Mormon/Munster ticket, (and I must paraphrase), that 'elections are not about the past, they are about the future.' Gotcha, Richy. 

So we can ignore the whole vulture capitalism/Bain thing, or the horsie writeoff, or the little thing about I-was-an-adult-mormon-bishop-when-we-debated-whether-or-not-black-folk-were-teh-devil-and-decided-that-hey-they're-not-soitsallgoodvoteforme widget. 

Windsock Willard will be approaching the presidency with new eyes, squeegeed clean.******

And, the whole Ryan "Cat food is too good for you grannies, so Imma take your Medicare too", "I got my social security survivors benefits that I didn't need because my family company built interstate highways and the O'Hare runway with icky, filthydirty federal money but I really deserved it, y'all don't, Ted Nugent rocks","GM Janesville? What's that?" biography? 

Whish, gone, doesn't matter, in the past. He has the openest mind in all of Randland.

Their bumpersticker? 

we're rich, we're white, fuck you

This is apropo of nothing, but I like it and gotta calm down.

* Holy dammit, Pierce, TBogg, and Edroso and his crew of merry mischief makers, have been gleefully shredding the Boy Wonder! Ignore my bits of drivel here and read those now.
Then read my little bits of drivel.
**I had cousins who had to move to Texas. TEXAS. And not the two good parts, either. Texas is not fit for humans, only frellin' Texans. Except Austin and Big Bend NP.
***Stats courtesy of the Wonderful Wizard of Google
****After you've read this, sweetheart, we'll talk. About a lot of things. About my friend Xglphyrm. And the 40x30 fishnet stockings. Please be open-minded. Like Mitt and Paul!
*****Yeah, even I agree he can be tough to listen to sometimes, but he is a good voice for labor and will kick the frothing sociopaths ('wingnuts' is so  inadequate nowadays) in the junk just for the larfs.
******Jezzus, if Bill Hicks were still alive, the lulz, ohhhh, the snark would be yummy. 


  1. He said, defending the Mormon/Munster ticket, (and I must paraphrase), that 'elections are not about the past, they are about the future.' Gotcha, Richy.

    For all they want to get back to a mythical past that only existed on television, they sure love to stuff stuff down the memory hole.

    Except Austin and Big Bend NP.

    Big Bend is one of my all-time favorite places on Earth. Giant pterosaur fossils, hot springs by the Rio Grande, herds of javalinas. LOVE THE PLACE!!!

    1. The hot springs are awesome! We went there on a spring break, bunch of geology students. Admittedly, not tons of actual geology was done...

    2. For all they want to get back to a mythical past that only existed on television, they sure love to stuff stuff down the memory hole.

      Only way they can function, or the cognitive dissonance makes things go splodey. Think of them as Cybermen.