Friday, January 9, 2015

Just A Couple Thoughts About The Paris Attacks

I won't belabor the tragedy and stupidity of the events in Paris at the Charlie Hebdo magazine offices. But, I did note this, and wish to submit with comment. I know, me?

President Francois Hollande called the shooting“an act of indescribable barbarity”.

Imma propose a thought experiment. I’ll use myself, just as an example. If you prefer, use yourself, or your local weather man, or ag reporter. Wevs.

Suppose I was a better writer. Suppose anyone read my better writing. Suppose that after one of my typical bits, say, for example, pointing out that Scott Walker even failed Douchebro 101 and performed cunnilingus on capybara, some vapid patriot, eyes full of mucus, brains full of Fox News and thrombosis, pants crammed full of American Sniper in paperback, a dictionary for the hard words, a dictionary for the word ‘dictionary’, and a theoretical erection (when thinking of considering the possibility of looking into the opportunity of perhaps one day, maybe soon, joining the military and killing brown people) were to come to my doorstep, (he thinks, the street numbers are kind of high, 3 digits is his usual limit), squints at me as if doing his best Clint Eastwood impression, or as if perhaps the Fibrilex is finally taking effect, and does something to me.

I’d have a better shot of Hollande saying something nice about me than anyone in the USA even taking notice.

Our President? I generally like the guy, and can’t fault him for this, but there are 100 shootings a day in the Land of the Bleeding. I’m small fry.

Our media? Andy Cooper wearing a JeSuis Paleo t-shirt? CNN speculating that I have MH-370 stashed in my fruit cellar? If it was covered at all, only then until the MN CSI crew left.

The entirety of Fox News in a writhing, almost ethereal, almost dance, a telegraph of obeisance to the Nether Gods, celebrating the end of a liberal, culminating in drunken orgiastic cries from vats of potato salad and bile.*

Just saying.

*BTW, fuck Fox News. For the record.

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