Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Okay, Now The Universe Is Just Mocking Me

Two stories in the news recently:

Southern Twatwaffles Demonstrate Their Patriotism And Racism (from Salon)
Yes, those oh so proud Merkins south of the Masie-Dixie Line (and presumably Indiana, Pennsyltucky, Cincinnati) have (admittedly, apparently not celebrated much at the official level in most of those places, but still on the books) holidays celebrating the birthday of Bobby (Brutal Slaveholder) Lee. Also, (admittedly), most pre-dated MLK day. So fucking what. You have a holiday celebrating a military commander who gave up his oath to take up arms against his country and his fellow US. Army personnel. Are you merely trying to reach Gary Busey levels of self-awareness, or is there a longer term plan/larger goal? (The answer is no.)

Holly Hobby Lobby Cheats On Husband In Military Service, Finds Jesus, No Humor Erupts (h/t Addicting Info)
Holly Fisher (I have no problems using her name - she put herself in the public eye the first time she found Jesus) was a highly visible campaigner for the Hobby Lobby corporation shitting on half of the human race. She then cheated on her active duty military husband. She then got caught. She then found Jesus again. She then gained fans, and her existing fans became more rabid.

Comment the first, on the Confederate Pig-Fellators (my own comment at Sadly! No.). The comment itself is in answer to: why do Democrats not vote as much as we should, and could it be because we sense we are already doomed. It's also on topic for this post.
How do you fight that, though? 
A traitorous bastard. Who lost. Yeah, he had moments of military brilliance, and the almost insane dedication of the members of ANV, but the question was never really in doubt, he was never going to be able to significantly impact the manufacturing bases of the North, nor could he ever match the North in sheer numbers – we invented the zerg rush. The best he could have hoped for was the ’63 campaign where he hoped to take Washington DC and then sue for peace. Meanwhile, Sherman was half-heartedly informing the South in general of the poor political choices made by their leadership. And Lee knew all of that, and was asked to serve his country, and said ‘hell with you, I like slavery!’. 
And for the south, mentioned several times in several documents, from their POV it was all about teh people-owning. Lincoln as much as said all he wanted to do was preserve the Union, slavery or not – this was power-play as much and more than principle. 
Educational assessment has changed since No Child Learning Basics so that rankings of states for educational achievement no longer really mean anything – everyone is teaching to the test. I don’t remember, nor actually would have ever had a reason to know, how Arkansas stood in rankings before NCLB, but like most southern states of the time (I do remember, for many years, Mississippi being 50th in state rankings, that high because there were only 50 states) I suspect that the majority of children received educations lacking in the learning of stuff. That’s how you end up with this sort of truly amazing bullshit. 
HM, your point is good,re: liberals and not voting because we’re convinced we’re probably doomed. I wonder how much of a factor in that POV is because we can’t even begin to see what it would take to save these goddamn morons from themselves. And how much effort and time and, sad to say but this is in the calculation, money, can we spare? I want to save the kids, but their parents are so, often willfully, stupid that I can’t help but want to just say go to hell. 
2 cents.
I'm not a Civil War scholar, and am happy to take criticism/correction if I've missed or mis-stated anything, but I think I'm basically correct.

Comment the second on Holly.

Are you fucking kidding me.

No, seriously. It's time to turn paleo loose. I'm gonna screw everything, men, women, Ford Fairlanes, ceiling fans. Imma invent new sexual positions - 69? You puss. I'm going for the 276. I'm gonna deal metamucil in old folks homes, first shot free to get them hooked. I'm then going to find Jesus, probably in my bubble bath after a quality mexican meal, and run for President on the Romneybot v.2032/paleo ticket.

We're fucked! W00t!1!!!


  1. There's a sci-fi writer, named James P. Hogan (think he's deceased, actually). Although he is apparently a bit of a wing nut, he wrote some good hard SF novels (one of which postulated a throughly logical, if unbelievably unlikely, process by which automated mining robots would develop into sentience) and in one of his books, one of his characters said this to another that was acting all distressed and shit:

    "Times like this, I just remind myself of the big ice ball"

    "Big ice ball?"

    "yeah. In several hundred million years, before the sun swallows all the planets, the earth will freeze and turn into a big ice ball, and everything and everybody will disappear without a trace. So cheer up! We're all gonna wind up in the same place!"

    1. I thought it was coming earlier this month.

      Stocked up on whisky and canned goods.

      Now I have to wait several hundred million years?

    2. Those items are pretty usable right now.

    3. Well, yeah. Windsor and Heinz, breakfast of champions.

      Ugh, that so does not sound right.

  2. Replies
    1. Sadly, the world is not ready for that much midwestern cheer.

    2. OBS, you didn't honestly think we were going to try to win honestly?

    3. Yeah. And I am strictly in it for the Veep. The Vice-presidential ride is pretty bitchin:


      You can have the high-profile hard job.

  3. paleo-adjacent newsarama:


    1. Yeah, saw that. Jesus.

      Why the woman and child? Srsly. Fucker.