Saturday, January 3, 2015

Why Did This Not Win All The Oskars Mk.II

Okay, so I am still in healing mode, Sweetie, I, and Brother-in Law kicking back. Wings and video. My brother in law was sent for video. Somehow the choice came down to me. My requirements tend to be specific yet surprisingly easy:
1.) Robots
2.) Lasers
3.) Robots meeting lasers, with predictable vaporitic results.
4.) Boobs Daisies and puppies and anything written by Nicholas Sparks, sweetheart, with zombies.
So, BIL off to Redbox with my specs. I searched online and gave him a ranked choice. Sanitorium*, Maleficent (despite my enduring loathing for Angelina Pitt, I'm somewhat intrigued), and Horrible Bosses (recommended to me, but I hate cringe comedy, and if that's what it is I'll be unpleasant). (For the record, Redbox is a poor goddammed way to get videos. Anyhow.)

BIL returned with Maleficent, which we will be watching, but I was starting to have a gore-on for Sanatorium, so we went to one of the 37 services we have and found it.

*So, Sanatorium. Not about anything related to a frothy mixture.

Briefly, the plot is a ghost-hunting show (yes, I have watched all of the the ghost-hunting shows. Bite me), for its special 100th ep, does an investigation in a very haunted former sanatorium (see how it ties together) (it's this sort of world creation/atmosphere setting that separates the just-out-of-film-school-writer/producer/cinematographer from the random man of the street, and reminds me why Ron Howard is inexplicably wealthy yet Clint Howard is considered a genius lunatic and possible cannibal/amphibian molester.) Bad things happen, including the fact that the whole film is shot as 'found footage'.

For the record, I enjoyed 'Blair Witch'. I like 'Paranormal Activity'. I tolerated Borat. Found footage sucks on ice. Blue filters and green filters (to resemble footage from an IR camera), most eviscerations wait until the end, rarely any good views of the evulz critters (not actually defined as clear shots of the Big Bad, but interesting shots of the critter/its badness are called for.)

You know what, it's not a bad little film. Some pretty effective jump cuts, leaves mysterious what ought to be mysterious, some simple but appropriate effects. Nice body count, decent amount of blood, (not Saw levels, that's ridiculous, but enough to let you know bad things...) Rather short, but probably better for it.

Two disarticulated thumbs up!


  1. If you had included a boob count, I would have thought this was a Joe Bob Briggs review.

    Watched American Hustle recently. Incidental Amy Adams boob.

    1. Have a friend who goes on about something called 'Svengoolie', seems to be Briggs-ish, a little Riff-Trax-ish.

      I am an old dignified man and have never taken notice of boobs. Much.

      Amy Adams, you say?

  2. Replies
    1. Velociraptors improve everything, especially Nicholas Sparks.

  3. The "Ghost Hunters" movies are simply HI-larious....Sendup of the ghost hunting shows at the same time they make them horror movies. All found footage, though, which has quickly become pretty hackneyed....

  4. erg. this Sanatorium flicktoon is not on Netlix streamerino. So I need to wait some waiting time...