There IS a Flying Spaghetti Monster

I have often expressed my wish that Bret Bielema, Head Coach of the Only Big Ten Team That Matters*, the Wisconsin Badgers, retire, or be hired as a philosophy professor, or fall into the penguin cage at the Como Zoo and be found in the morning in a state that I cannot photoshop.

Oooo, what's this - 

The Most Goofiest Looking Motherfucker On The Planet Gets Hired By Inbreds

Showing his usual high class, and world-beating-but-losing-the-Rose-Bowl play-calling ability, in under two and a half days after whompering Nebraska for the Big Ten Championship, Bielema fled for the lower grade requiring confines of Arkansas. Good riddance! And, we finally have a chance in a  Rose Bowl (it hurts so much to type those words for a team with Montee Ball and Jared Abbrederis, but that is what teh Bretster hath wrought).

*Must elaborate. Penn State, I don't have enough time or internet to 'splain why they are evil - c'mon court system! Ohio State? Cheating evillers, but especially the "Cool Coach", Urban Meyer, Tebow enabler. Nebraska? Must be careful here, Mother in law may be reading... Hmm. I LOVE THE THUGS FROM NEBRASKA, especially Ndamakong Suh, who has done a wonderful job helping Green Bay. Michigan and Michigan State - historically evil, annoyingly good, home of my uncle who's a pain in the ass. Illinois, home of Chicago, hog butcherer to the world, and people with no knowledge of the actual value of lakefront cabins, FIBs (Fucking Illinois Bastards). Iowa - provides the hogs to Illinois, also home to Bachmann. Indiana will never win anything unless the basketball players learn to play football. The Minnesota Gophers haven't won Paul Bunyan's Axe for something like 314 years.

I have to give full props to Northwestern - great college, I don't mind seeing them do well, just not against us.