Sunday, December 30, 2012

Random NFL Week 17 Notes: Grain Of Salt Not Included


Chicago Bears @ Detroit Lions
Tough one, actually. Detroit is far and away the dirtiest team in the NFL, hands down, has been for a long time – the Lomas Brown thing hardly surprises. The Bears? Just evil, the city of Chicago, evil. Also, annoyingly good, enough to win, and give us another chance to make Cutler beat up his sideline.

Tampa Bay Bucs @ Atlanta Falcons
Atlanta has the same problem as Green Bay, and I assume Falcons fans have the same complaint I have – listen to the national media, especially YOU, ESPgoddamN, and you would never know there was a team there, much less the NFC No. 1 seed.

NY Jets
Please, dear FSM, if’n Rex Ryan would shut the hell up, I’d appreciate it. A lot. And Tebow? Look, I’ve softened a bit on the boy. He is still a sanctimonious god-bothering jackhole who has no business playing QB in the NFL, although he might make a good TE or FB, but he has truly gotten a raw deal. Denver, 100 miles approx from Colorado Springs, the sanctimonious god-bothering jackhole center of the universe? Of course he was the biggest story in town, but Denver was not without talent, and now with an actual QB they are likely to be No. 1 seed in the AFC. And then the Jets? You poor bastard.

Carolina Panthers @ New Orleans Saints
Cam Newton, regardless of his Terrible Twos, is having a good year. Watch out for him long into the future, especially if he grows up a little. This game may cause the scoreboard operator conniptions.

NY Giants
New York is suffering a poultry shortage, as Eli Manning has run out of chickens to sacrifice (Tagliabue ftaghn, Ia, IA!). But the rotten sumbitch still seems to have our number.

Miami Dolphins @ New England Patriots
Miami is a team on the way up, Bill Belicheck is Satan’s less pleasant brother. I have no reason to root for this game but come on Fins!

St. Louis Rams @ Seattle Seahawks
The Seahawks are on a roll, and Russell Wilson is a good Badger, but after his post-game interview for the GB-Seattle Fail Mary game (“What push-off? Looked good to me! We worked hard and earned this win…”) he needs pain, and we need to see the miniature slapnuts again in Lambeau.

Dallas Equus @ Washington Redskins
I hate Dallas. With the burning hate of a thousand million hatey burning thingies. Almost as much as the Bears. I also think Dan Snyder, owner of the Redskins, is a human whack-a-mole game. Tough to call...

And of course:

THE GREEN BAY PACKERS @ Minnesota Pop Warner League Vikings
Lest there be any doubt, I wish to humiliate the Queens and co-workers. But I has one minor hitch in my needs – I actually respect 2 Vikings players, Chris Kluwe, who is a helluva human being although I still need him to shank every punt today, and Adrian Peterson, who again seems like a genuinely good guy and a fantastic athlete. I actually would have loved to see him break the rushing record – but it cannot be allowed. If he’d run for 208 yards last week and only needed 94 today, I’d have lived with him breaking the record on us. As it is, however, he has to go down in flames. The rest of the Queens shoulda stayed on the Love Boat.

Disagree at your peril. W00t!!1!!


26 comments:

  1. As of now when I turned the teebee off, the Bears were up 17-3 in the first quarter and just got their second turnover of the game. Dirty ain't gonna do it this time, and I might as well get some billable time in while chilling the ham for the Big Show.

    Landru's wife is a Bears fan, of the sort that refuses to cheer for the Pack today, even if it means this is the last Bears game of the season. LOL. I remember when being a Packer fan was that conflicting.

    Myself, I worry. Vikings in MPLS is never an easy one. And they might drop the dome on the Pack if necessary... I hope Matthews has a beast of a game. Can't completely stop AP, but you can drop him on his ass a couple of times.

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    1. 4th Q and the Lions are as toast (all I have is Fox Sports Web).

      I give Landru's wife full props. And the Bears still suck.

      Just a few weeks ago I figured I might be able to see this game - but now that the Queens are in reach of the playoffs, suddenly everyone in town has been a huge Viking fan since in the womb - worst bunch of fair weather bastards on the planet, and Twin Cities media is brutal - either 'Yaya, on our way to the Super Bowl!' or 'Who cares, they all suck.' I can't imagine anyone wanting to play here.

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    2. 2 point game, 6 minutes left. Cutler vs. Stafford, it's like one of the Circles of Hell.

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  2. worst bunch of fair weather bastards on the planet,

    Meanwhile, Packers fans don't give up when the best they can do in several subsequent seasons is .500 and the QB is Lynn Dickey.

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    1. I think my brother is something like 37000 on the season ticket waiting list....

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    2. When my brother got on the list, I was not then nor expected to be in that disposable income range anytime soon. Nowadays, that if I sacrificed food, mortgage, and scotch, I'd be able to scrape it together, I regret not signing up.

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  3. ummm....your predictions aren't going so well in the early games.

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  4. MN 3-0.

    Crap, don't let them get ANYTHING going, keep em down, dammit!

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  5. Gonna be a long afternoon, but one thing is clear, I can't pick football bames...

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  6. They're playing very patiently, like they did against the Lions.

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    1. And your right, and I'm nervous, but dammit, score her, ease my ulcer. Then another 3 and out for Ponder and I'll relax a bit.

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    2. If Matthews keeps chasing Ponder like he has been, it's going to unravel in a bit.

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  7. THEY ARE GOING TO KILL HALF OF WISCONSIN.

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    1. And a very small part of Minnesota... Good job, Crosby.

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    2. One of the rare times I am happy not to have a teevee.

      Gotta see if I can do and hour and a half worth of work in about 20 mins.

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  8. Well, look at it this way. We had to lose to the Vikings to keep the Bears out of the playdowns.

    And we'll see how the Vikings play in Lambeau.

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  9. I had to spend the second half at the dining room table working, because I was scaring the dog with my yelling.

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    1. Yeah, i was folding, boxes? I hope, and pacing. I have some mockery to absorb, one of the dangers of living on the wrong side of the river, and well see teh bastards next week. But, pppbbllllfttt!

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