We recently had a sign put up in our yard. Very cool sign, I'd like to show you a picture, very much like the t-shirt in this link.
I'd love to show a picture but it was stolen last night.
Undoubtedly by a member of the Minnesota Taliban, the ones pushing the Adam-And-Eve-Not-Adam-And-Steve-And-How-Does-That-Work-Anyhow-Not-That-I'm-At-All-Curious-'Cuz-I'm-So-Very-Macho-And-God-Fearing-DON'T-OPEN-THAT-DVD-CASE!! Amendment.
Ahem.
Dear Sir/s,
That was very clever, stealing the sign from our front yard, while we were in our living room, having supper and watching TV. You have a great deal to be proud of! I certainly would be incapable of showing the lack of respect for another's right to promote a cause that you did, and it is clear that you are much cooler than I am.
I have ordered another sign, it should be in my yard already. If, after 8 beers and a healthy beating of your wife, you decide to again prove that you are the better man, I'll order another sign. And another, ad infinitum, thus giving you the chance to prove to your buddies just how amazing you are, and how much neater your magic skyman is than my Flying Spaghetti Monster. I'm like that, I'm a giver. You're welcome, no thanks are necessary.
I am also not going to be driven to anger over your brave acts. Oh, sure, it will cause some annoyance, cost me some time and money, I'm not going to jump for joy over it. But, not anger. I'll pity you, I know it's not the same as anger, not quite as satisfying for you, but I can only give so much of me, and all I can feel is pity for you. I'd be happy to discuss the issue with you, knowing I won't be changing my vote and suspecting I'll be unlikely to change your vote, but I pride myself on a certain civility. But barring such eventuality, my feeling toward you will remain pity, pity because you allow your life to be ruled by fear, a need for conformity and submission to authority, an inability to think creatively, a total lack of empathy. It's gotta be tough to keep up that level of hatred, and I'm sorry you've come to live in such misery.
Please take care,
paleo
It wasn't me, I've been away from Mini-Soda for far too long.
ReplyDelete~
Aw, hell, I like it here, and the Twin Cities is relatively insulated from Teh Crazee, but this really does sort of bummer me.
Delete"The dipshits you will always have with you."
ReplyDelete- J.F. Christ, in the original translation
12 years of Catholic School and no one brought that up? Fudge!
DeleteI live in a area that's a whole bunch of liberal (although I suspect a few of the colledge kids are from conservative homes and are acting out in their first time away from Daddy's asshole aura) so I always tell myself that they are taking the yard signs for their own use, because they are too drunk to remember how to get one of their own the following day.
ReplyDeleteIts a nicer way of looking at it, yeah. But jeez, back in my day, when we got hammered and did dumb stuff we got creative - VW Rabbit on a porch, swordfighting in the street (with real but cheap surplus store swords, and keep it clean, this is a goddam family blog), doing the Time Warp on the roof (shockingly did not result in swarms of big-haired girls stoked on 'Living On A Prayer' ripping our clothes off). C'est la vie.
Deleteat our house, the drunks usually just vandalize our fence. Occasionally they pee on the house.
DeleteFor a small fee, I'll drive to Milwaukee and electrify your exterior. Of yer house. Ummm, fudge, lemme try again...
DeleteNext time you put up the sign, put a big sign reading "Thou shalt not steal" on it, with the biblical chapter and verse. The fucker will still steal the sign, but they just might realize their hypocrisy.
ReplyDeleteIT SHALL BE DONE!
Delete