Sunday, March 10, 2013

In Which paleo Reveals Himself To Be A Film Snob: Or, The Oscars Do Not Count Until John Carpenter And Kurt Russell Win

For my wee anniversary post, I put up a screen shot of the Eye Booger from Big Trouble In Little China. 

The perfect film. Chop-saki, magic, humor, cat-like reflexes. Black Blood Of Earth. Renowned Shakespearean company veteran Kurt Russell flexed chops few of today's Disney creations have any hope of achieving, while proto-Method director John Carpenter created an organic flow never since matched.
Egg Shen: Oh, a six-demon bag!  
Jack Burton: Terrific, a six-demon bag. Sensational. What's in it, Egg?
Egg Shen: Wind fire, all that sort of thing!
Even Kim Cattrall  - fantastic. Cute too. She later became dead to me (will not post a picture as it has been known to cause terminal Phlebotinittus), but she was great here.

My next evidence that film remains a vital art form is a perfect film. The best use of the Statue of Liberty as a setpiece. John Carpenter and Kurt Russell aim for greatness. Also starring a young up-and-comer named Donald Pleasance, and veteran character actor Wee Van Cweef.

Finally I wish to submit to you a perfect film, a pioneer in CGI, and one of the most amazingly white setpieces known. Whiter than...none more white. A young Kurt Russell and film auteur John Carpenter reached for a stark bleakness akin to the photographic genre informally known as Page 3.

I thank you for your consideration.


  1. No way am I clicking that last video. The screencap is scary enough.

    Also the best movie ever and forever is clearly this.

    1. I fear for the inevitable remake. Most likely starring James Franco.

    2. My wife loves Franco. I thought he was fine in Freaks And Geeks, but otherwise? Meh.

    3. The screencap is scary enough.

      Ooops. Family reunion photos. Sorry.

      James Franco.

      I give him some credit, he seems to be willing to take the piss out of himself, see, Oscars dress, but meh, yeah.

  2. They're remaking Evil Dead. WITHOUT Sam Raimi at the helm.

    He is, however, along with Bob Tapert and Bruce Campbell, Exec Producing.

    1. Without those three involved it would be, um, death. Starring Miley Cyrus as Linda, soundtrack by Glee.

      They need to go with a sufficiently twisted unknown as Ash, say, me!

      Then I move on to being the 12th Doctor. It's all coming together.

  3. Sorry, dude, Too late.

    But as I said, the Three are in the exec chair, so it seems OK for now.

    1. Also, the dude's name is apparently Dave, not Ash. It seems as if there's some frigging PLOT between the events of ED I/II and the new one.