Sunday, March 10, 2013

In Which paleo Reveals Himself To Be A Film Snob: Or, The Oscars Do Not Count Until John Carpenter And Kurt Russell Win

For my wee anniversary post, I put up a screen shot of the Eye Booger from Big Trouble In Little China. 

The perfect film. Chop-saki, magic, humor, cat-like reflexes. Black Blood Of Earth. Renowned Shakespearean company veteran Kurt Russell flexed chops few of today's Disney creations have any hope of achieving, while proto-Method director John Carpenter created an organic flow never since matched.
Egg Shen: Oh, a six-demon bag!  
Jack Burton: Terrific, a six-demon bag. Sensational. What's in it, Egg?
Egg Shen: Wind fire, all that sort of thing!
Even Kim Cattrall  - fantastic. Cute too. She later became dead to me (will not post a picture as it has been known to cause terminal Phlebotinittus), but she was great here.



My next evidence that film remains a vital art form is a perfect film. The best use of the Statue of Liberty as a setpiece. John Carpenter and Kurt Russell aim for greatness. Also starring a young up-and-comer named Donald Pleasance, and veteran character actor Wee Van Cweef.


Finally I wish to submit to you a perfect film, a pioneer in CGI, and one of the most amazingly white setpieces known. Whiter than...none more white. A young Kurt Russell and film auteur John Carpenter reached for a stark bleakness akin to the photographic genre informally known as Page 3.


I thank you for your consideration.

9 comments:

  1. No way am I clicking that last video. The screencap is scary enough.

    Also the best movie ever and forever is clearly this.

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    1. I fear for the inevitable remake. Most likely starring James Franco.

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    2. My wife loves Franco. I thought he was fine in Freaks And Geeks, but otherwise? Meh.

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    3. The screencap is scary enough.

      Ooops. Family reunion photos. Sorry.

      James Franco.

      I give him some credit, he seems to be willing to take the piss out of himself, see, Oscars dress, but meh, yeah.

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  2. They're remaking Evil Dead. WITHOUT Sam Raimi at the helm.

    He is, however, along with Bob Tapert and Bruce Campbell, Exec Producing.

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    1. Without those three involved it would be, um, death. Starring Miley Cyrus as Linda, soundtrack by Glee.

      They need to go with a sufficiently twisted unknown as Ash, say, me!

      Then I move on to being the 12th Doctor. It's all coming together.

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  3. Sorry, dude, Too late.

    But as I said, the Three are in the exec chair, so it seems OK for now.

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    1. Also, the dude's name is apparently Dave, not Ash. It seems as if there's some frigging PLOT between the events of ED I/II and the new one.

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