Monday, August 3, 2020

Mark III - Of Course I Start With A Rant


Okay, now that that is done...

On another blog, the question was raised:

I hear you but I'm talking about true believers. Is there some level of moral correctness or some social endpoint that a Republican sees that is so beneficial? Has any social scientist or polling outfit done this? What is their dream state? What's it look like to them?

My answer:

So, Republicans hit their first goal, theocracy. Abortion is illegal, the gays are executed, the atheists are executed, dug up, and executed again, anyone failing the Stay-Puft test is enslaved, women are enslaved, TurboJesus comes back and whacks the Jews. Yay them.

Then a crack appears.

The Southern Baptists and most Independent churches hate the Catholics. Nearly as much as they hate the above groups. Whelp, gotta go. Streets get slippery again.

Episcopalians? Waffling fucks. They were never TRULY on board with the abortion/gay/atheist/POC/women/Jews purge. These puddles are getting deep, and does anyone recommend a good laundry detergent for bloodstains on doubleknit slacks?

Amish, Mennonites, Quakers, all 14 Shakers left? 144,000 Jehovah's Witnesses? FUCKERSI mean, they're weird. Move to higher ground, resume operations.

Methodists. A bunch of thugs, pugs, and mugs. Nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers. Hey Most Right Reverend Robertson?! No, not you Pat, Phil, Phil has some upper body strength. My arm is getting tired, can you do axe duty today? Plus I wrenched my back when my foot skidded out from under me on that last swing.

The Non-Denoms. You know, they really don't say Jesus much. It's all Purpose Driven this, Your Best that. We can't take any chances, we're getting so close. No more high ground though, do you think we can find some wellies in the husk of the Anglican church?

PROSPERITY BASTARDSI mean, apostates. Never even once heard them speak in the angelic language humminahummina. Nope. Look, goddamnit-er, gee golly, Benny, I've sharpened this axe so much it's a toothpick. Do you have a pocket knife or a dive bomber?

Okay, okay, good. 50,000 of us, plus, you know, slaves, concubines. Concubine slaves. Great government. Heaven on earth. Of course, Franklin is getting a bit big for his britches, I'm not sure how godly he is... 

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Not Sure If I Should Feel Guilty About The Laughter

Guten Tag.

So, I occasionally work with someone who told us that the primary VA facility in the Twin Cities was hiring building engineers. Another person present for the conversation perked up, and was so asked if they'd be willing to work at the VA, and replied very positively, "Yeah, I heard the new guy has a lot of great ideas and is gonna shape things up, absolutely!"

This guy.

I won't predict if he'll be confirmed - the Congressional Republicans to a person are either corrupt, traitors, or corrupt traitors. Full fucking stop. (In my state's house, it's mostly corruption and theocratic fascism, although they certainly took advantage of treasonous activities by federal level Republicans.) They may confirm him just because they don't care and they know it will infuriate those of us who think that the VA, not to mention the rest of the federal government, should maybe take it upon themselves to help and improve the country as a whole.

What I know for certain about Admiral Jackson:
He's never run anything approaching a civil bureaucracy
Whether under presidential order or not, he lied his ass off at his presentation on the Anus' health. Not to mention peppering it with nonsense like 'excellent genetics'.
He has no business in that position. Supposing he has 'great ideas', good luck getting funding from the avaricious bloodthirsty monsters in the federal Republican caucuses.Supposing he wants to 'shape things up':

This guy.

To recap, I occasionally work with someone who told us that the primary VA facility in the Twin Cities was hiring. Another person present, when asked if they'd be willing to work at the VA, said, "Yeah, I heard the new guy has a lot of great ideas and is gonna shape things up, absolutely!"

Okay, it's maybe very dark and inappropriate laughter, as the Tangerine Dickweed is trying once again to fuck someone, but




Friday, June 9, 2017

Not Just Politics, In Terms Of Process, Sean Spicer Is A Failure

There is a suit coming over the Tangerine Tumor's tweets. Specifically, can the dipshit block people on Twitter. Columbia thinks it's a First Amendment issue. Sure, this is lower on the scale of Donny's World Class Gold-Plated Monkey Fucking A Football Theme Park, considering Comey's testimony yesterday, but it is yet another instance of, well, ongoing coverup of everything the stupid son-of-a-bitch does. "YAY! He eats Kentucky Fried Chicken! Wait, he declared war on Themyscira??!?" 
The case may have been in a little bit of a grey area, hinging on the fine line between @RealDependsWearer versus @POTUS45, but then here comes Sean Idiot Spicer.
Mini-Goebbels stated that Trump’s tweets are “official statements by the president of the United States.”

Before I go into this, please note, this post is about process, not personal political feelings. I'm a political addict and so view politics not merely as an constant droning clusterfuck designed to make people suffer, but also in game terms. The elections are my Super Bowl. Unless the Packers are in it, then the Super Bowl is my Super Bowl. 
My strongest personal feeling is that Orange Zika is a monster and needs to be removed from office, so keep that in mind when I look at the game.
This is on of the things that drives me craziest about Spicer. Not the lies, the whiny-ass tantrums, credentialing alt-right dickheads and sitting them in the Press Room.
Tony Snow and Ari Fleischer lied like monsters, daily.
Tantrums? Look at footage of Ziegler. Fleischer with his threats of concentration camping journos - "Best be careful of what you write, Winston".
Crap-ass journalists - Fleischer allowed Jeff Guckert/Gannon, or whatever name he used during those long policy discussions in Rove's dungeon in the gimp suit. Ed goddammit Henry, useless git. Anyone that Sinclair has ever put in there.
All these peckerheads were good at their jobs.
Yeah, their jobs were to spin and obfuscate, but they were professionals. They protected the President.
Spicey has horrendously screwed his boss on a number of occasions, including this one. The statement about President Asterisk and his tweets being official government statements ended this court action right then and there. Columbia wins going away. Yes, Lil' Seany is a bad person, but as a political junkie, what drives me about 3/4 nuts is that he really sucks at his job. What is he going to do when it's not fluff?
He has no business being in that position. Amateur hour. Just horseshit at it. If you're going to fucking lie to me, I'd appreciate it if you did it with some style or professionalism. Fleischer got away with actual physical threats to the press because he knew how to do it. Snow got away with his unending Gish Gallop by being actually good at it. Ziegler was a good flack because he could hold two completely polar positions within 30 seconds and keep moving, he controlled the room. Hell, no matter what else you may say about Conway, Kristallnacht Barbie, she is a really good political person. She had a huge part in this election. If she were capable of, if she had, used her talents for good, I'd nominate her for sainthood. Spicer is really bad at this. The political junkie in me finds him horribly inept. We HAVE to pay attention to him. He can't simply be dismissed. But were it not that position, I wouldn't spit on him if he were on fire. In terms of the game, the addict in me thinks he's not worth the electrons.
The patriot in me thinks he needs to be dragged out of town by his little toes and fed to the alligators.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

I Don't Feel As If I've Been Fully Understood

So, much like every SuperBatSpiderman movie, it's time to try a reboot. Let's hope we get paleoRaimi, as opposed to "I Kill What I Touch" Snyder.

There will be a few changes in layout, linkage, and such, but content should only change insofar as there will be more of it, in shorter chunks. Make excuse navelgaze shout subtle plea for ego-massage manly tears.

Ok, so.

JScar, the Morning Joke, betrothen to his next victim bride, a man who can be found by following the trail of the dead, is artfully walking a slackline of support/excoriation of an oddly-hued bugfucker named Donald. 'Oh, please, Mr. Asslips, do a better, subtler job of screwing people! Oh please, Randroid church humpers, gag Mr. Asslips so that you may resume subtly screwing people!" he exclaims on a daily basis.
“The president of the United States just admitted, on national television, that he called the director of the FBI to get an update on the status of a possible criminal investigation against him,” Scarborough said.
I skrev:
Dear Intern Killer, 
First, congratulations on your engagement. Do you have the funeral planned yet? 
Second, I read this statement out loud to Siri, that sexxxy minx. She said,"No, the Intern Killer still owns him. He shares a huge amount of blame for the end of normal. Tell him congratulations on his engagement. Does he have the funeral planned yet?" 
Hold the toaster over your head as you get into the bathtub, and please be careful, if you slip you may throw the toaster clear of the water. 
Love, paleo
I wonder if honesty should be the best policy, instead of courtesy...

Saturday, January 21, 2017

The Women's March on Washington and Sister Marches: THANK YOU!

I've had strep all week and so am unable to be at the St. Paul Sister March. I am not happy about this. But, I am watching on CSPAN, and it is cool. A wonderful turnout, and following Twatter, there are huge demonstrations for every Sister.

Ashley Judd just preached, an amazing speech, a nasty speech - what we lost when she halted her race against Mitch 'The Human Foreskin' McConnell. Force of nature.

Michael Moore leaned a bit heavy on Bernie Bronishness, but he was not totally wrong - we liberals need to get involved, need to get busy, need to push and reform the Democratic Party. Full disclosure, I caucused for Sen. Sanders, but enthusiastically supported Sec'y Clinton in the general. However, she is done, and it is time for new, and ideally more vicious blood.

The Orange Moron is attending his 'prayer service', broadcast on MSNBC. We can't see the earbuds playing the soundtrack from 'My SEXXXY Daughter'.  Fuck MSNBC. I need a news network with fewer Tweetys and Intern Killers. Take Joy, Lawrence, Rachel, Hayes, and a couple others and get them their own network.

I was raised Catlick, and turned on Mother Church fairly savagely as a result. But the one positive memory of uniformed schooling was the nuns. I don't knock nuns, at all - they were generally pretty chill and lived their faith, not doctrine, but actual faith, with a call to service for people. The last speaker was Sister Simone Campbell of Nuns on the Bus, and she was brief and to the point and needs actual Sainthood.

Cecile Richards is now raising the roof. Go get 'em!

Senators Gillebrand, Harris (NEW!) and Duckworth (NEW! ALSO BIONIC!), just barnburners!

Got to Patton Oswalt's feed @PattonOswalt - much fun is being had at the expense of the punched Nazi. I don't advocate physical violence in 99.999% of anything. But NaziPunching? This should become a trend!

Also, go to Are You Sorry Yet, a tumblr, shockingly tentacle porn-free, of Trumpanzees realizing they've been conned. Good humor!

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Drumpf Solves World Peace, Brangelina; Batboy Bobbled Brady's Balls

Breakfast time, Sunday morning. 

On weekends, I get to make fancier brunches than my weekday protein and frothy fruity shakes. Imma want cauliflower with onion fried in chile/lime olive oil (a homemade infusion, I'm trying to get a bit crunchier) with apple-chicken sausage and scrambled eggs. Checking the refrigertator, except the oil I got about none of that. 

Off to Cub, doop-doop-de-doop, shoppity-shop, I feel my plaid pajama bottoms are not congruous with the families coming home from church, bobbidybap, at checkout, 



A lot of people see this rag since it is featured prominently, top shelf, front of the checkout, in every grocer in the country. The publisher, some cat name of David Pecker, famously friendly to the Illegitimate President-Elect of the US, Comrade Gropenfuhrer. 

Over the years, the Enquirer has gotten a few very high-profile things right. Enough that it is not immediately discounted even by people who should know better. Hell, I've said, when they reported something I find favorable, "Well, hey, they were right on John Edwards, they were right on Limbaugh being a junkie, they were right on the Cosby kid."

This attitude ignores much.

It ignores that although they were right in some cases, each of those instances started out as hatchet jobs. The Enquirer somehow stumbled erection first through a minefield of mousetraps and found a patty-melt with tots. Yay them.

It ignores that in these FEW instances where the Enquirer was actually right, they were memorable because the Enquirer is so often;  

  • incredibly wrong
  • doing meaningless fluff
  • 4 words: Make Money At Home

You don't remember the headlines about Princess Diana's long-lost evil twin, Jehosaphialy Duggar, being the secret brains behind the burgeoning Hollywood conservative movement of Vince Vaughn, Gary Sinese, Mel Gibson, and Meatloaf, because they weren't quite as correct.

Here, though, positioned prominently as you stand in line with your loaves and fishes, is one of the few pictures of the Shitgibbon where he does not look like a big toe with some form of Orange Foot Rot. Giving him an early promotion to POTUS, the walking Cheetoh is seen promising war on, and death to, the Yellow Peril and 'the evil a-rabs'*, as his frothing cult exults in madness. Finding the real hackers? His inbred mouth-breathing acolytes couldn't define hacking, much less piece together the breadcrumbs leading to the GRU/FSB actors behind it. They just think "Well, Abby and McGee can type with four hands on the keyboard faster than the hacker, so we win!" 

All I'm saying is that, suppose we get the major hard news outlets to remember to afflict the comfortable, and comfort the afflicted?

In print circulation, the Enquirer is quite competitive with all of the legacy organs, WaPo, NYTimes, Dallas Morning News. We still have a long way to go.

*No, the irony of 'the evil a-rabs' when the Persians would in fact be the original Aryans, so celebrated by these Nazi scumbags, does not escape me.

Now, for the greater question.


Yes. Quo Vadis, bitches.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

My Urinalysis Of The Orange STD's Latest Kerfuffle

Okay, so President-Elect Kompromat just got involved in Golden Shower-gate. Everyone is having either a great deal of fun or a great deal of 'Ewwww' over Drumpf's gold medal in Watersports.

I have a different tack, certainly probably not original to me, but I think I'm right.

Most are focusing on the sexual preversion angle. I don't see it that way. As I read it,
The FSB, it said, “employed a number of prostitutes to perform a golden showers (urination) show in front of him.” Not only that, according to the report’s anonymous Russian sources, Trump deliberately chose for his escapade “the Ritz Carlton hotel, where he knew President and Mrs. Obama (whom he hated) had stayed on one of their official trips to Russia and defiling the bed where they had slept.”
There is a sexual subculture into urination, the terms 'watersports' and 'Golden Showers' have been around much longer than CNN or Buzzfeed. Okay, fine, whatever floats your little man in the boat, not my gig but doesn't confront me. And The Tangelo Terror is certainly a bad damn guy, alleged rapist, admitted to sexual assault. Without a doubt, he got some tittilation out of degrading eastern European women. I suddenly feel a bit bad for Malaria, her life must be absolute hell.

But that last clause:
Trump deliberately chose for his escapade “the Ritz Carlton hotel, where he knew President and Mrs. Obama (whom he hated) had stayed on one of their official trips to Russia and defiling the bed where they had slept.”

Sexual gratification was not at all his goal. This was an act of revenge, of violence, of hatred, of disrespect. It's
"I'll piss on your grave"
writ large.

This is far worse than "ohhhh, hee hee hee, Imma dirty boy, hugely bigly!" 

This is the act of a sociopath, an undisciplined spoiled child. 

As a secondary point, he is SO easily manipulated, manipulable. And his legion of doof eats all this up. We are about to be 'led' by Damien.

Yay us.