In Which paleo Speaks To Republicans - An Open Letter

I am puzzled by the ways of the internet. Not the usual nonsense though, Rule 34, Etsy, furries.

No, I want to know how I end up on Republican fundraising lists, such as this from Cory Gardner, Republican from Colorado and candidate for US Senate.

Chris Hansen
To: Me
Oct 8 at 4:56 PM

Mark Udall seems to be taking a very tough line on the threat ... 

... 

... We deserve a leader who will do his job. We need Cory Gardner. 

Take Care,
Chris Hansen
Campaign manager, Cory Gardner for Senate 

PAID FOR BY CORY GARDNER FOR SENATE

As I am polite, though I have neither thought nor care for Mr. Udall, I felt the need to respond to such an earnest missive. 

Dear Mr. Hansen, 

It pains me to break the news to you, but you are working for an evil, evil person. If you work for him willingly, I must ask you to turn inward, try to see the point in your life where you went so terribly wrong, a turn you missed, an opportunity shunned. I'm am sorry, but remember - it is never too late. Watch some Mr. Rogers re-runs. Take a walk in a nice public park. Work a soup kitchen. 

Or, it's Colorado. 

Smoke. 

A lot. 

Go full Maureen Dowd. 

Smoke until you can levitate the earth from under your feet, or until you understand which direction daylight savings goes. 

What I am saying, I guess, is tap into your inner human being.

Frankly, Mr. Cory Gardner is a Rep****can. In this period of our nation's history, where we suffer serious problems, the last thing we need is a conservative platform. I accept theocracy only if I am designated the Supreme Being, Commandment 1 - blessed be the distillers. I accept the savage foreign policy of bombing the hell out of anyone who looks at us crosswise only if it is applied to Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Texas, and Chicago Bears fans. I accept racism only towards NASCAR fans. I thank birth control for allowing me to keep my full paycheck. And to be briefly non-snarkish, for-profit education and healthcare is treason. The Koch/Walton spawn are traitors. The Tea Partiers are desperately, willfully, woefully uneducated.

I'm afraid I cannot help Mr. Gardner, or his campaign, but I feel, deep within me, hope for you. Honestly, I've never felt this way about a man before. Please Chris, (May I call you Chris?), don't let me down.

Love, paleotectonics

So.

Is Mr. Hansen going home with me, or do I owe him an apology? 

Frothing Bullet Eruption Is My Rebecca Black Cover Band Name

I've had a hard time following/commenting on politics lately. Not that I haven't, I've compared politicians to offal and teabaggers to tripe many times in the last few 46 years. But I'm having a hard time keeping perspective, or any sense of humor about it.

Hobby Lobby. Let's Sue The President For The Same Shit President Drooler And Vice President Shooter Did A Thousand Times. How Many Smokie Link Sized Republican Cocks Can Luke Russert Fit In His Orifi At Once. Has Governor Half Term Finally Boned The Shark. Murrieta. The last one will make another appearance

I'm a proud freak, a genuine weirdo. I believe in Bigfoot. I believe in ghosties. Not all people reporting UFOs are hallucinating or mistaken. I also believe in science. How many earthquakes must occur in Oklahoma before the inbred populace picks up on the fact that Grannie Erma is less interested in sex than she was before, and also she fell down a 500 ft. sinkhole, and oh, hey, there is a fracking operation on our patio, they paid me $49.95 for the rights and fuck you, commie.

Why do I juxtapose crypto-science and mainstream science?

The freak in me thinks mainstream scientists can be arrogant and pig-headed, and would not risk their precious reputations on the study of anything not already proven to exist. The scientist in me thinks most crypto-researchers have difficulty with the scientific method. In both cases, I am right. The two camps vociferously disagree with one another, and yet...

Bill Nye, the Science Guy, who I sacrifice a bull to daily, gave time to Ken Ham to debate whether Adam and Eve and their, for no particularly good reason, incredibly genetically diverse offspring rode a stegosaurus to the apple tree. (Note: They didn't.) Stephen Hawking has yet to mount an RPG to The Captain's Chair and go 'reason' with Lord Viscount Monckton. (Although, Dr. Hawking, we would make a fortune on PPView. I'll only take 60%. Productions fees and such. Stuff.) Although I've never met the men, as portrayed on TV, Matt Moneymaker (Finding Bigfoot) and Zak Bagens (Ghost Adventures) are complete doofi and go a long way to making the crypto-scientists look foolish.

I have yet to stalk Moneymaker with a silver bullet, or wire the Ed Hardy aisle at the Target where I suspect Bagans spends all the money to 13.8kV. There are shouting matches at conferences. There are, after 5 or 36 beers, shoving matches at conferences.

AIN'TN'T NO GUNFIRE OR BUGZAPPERS AT CONFERENCES.

Now. politics. And in the news, the central American child refugee crisis.

Sweet FSM, but the RWNJ's have completely lost their shit. The children, refugees under a Bush era law, and just looking to get to live someplace with fewer gunshots (boy, did they go the wrong direction), need food, water, social workers. What do they get instead?

"Oh, but paleo, with modern cameras, they can do 17,000 exposures per second, and then some liberal picked out the worst ones. Like when Michele Bachmann's eyes rolled back in her head eating a corndog, realizing she hadn't deep-throated anything of this particular shape since high school. And when Marcus Bachmann's eyes rolled back in his head when eating a corndog, realizing he hadn't deep-throated anything of this particular shape since Tuesday."

You know what, imaginary right-wing screwhead, you're right. And so this may be exposure 17,000,

but 1/17,000 of a second earlier, she was hugging the children, and 1/17,000 of a second later, she had adopted a busload and taken them to her strawberry farm for reasons. (Oh, and lady, I ain'tn't certain, I don't know you, and I suspect I would endure greater joy taking a golf-ball to the yarbles than to decipher your HTea-ML, but your kids are snacking on McNuggets, playing Mario Brothers 17 - Jesus Slays the Turtles, and are scheduled for a measles party Saturday night. The refugee children have been vaccinated and WALKED ACROSS FUCKING MEXICO. To hell with your water-headed cabbages, dear.)

There are folks in Michigan, otherwise known as Alabama with snow, home of Ted Nugent, who it must be pointed out is about 18months off on his predictionalizing, who have proposed mining the border. You know what, you hookers, let's see how goddam serious you are about protecting your borders. Take out the Ambassador Bridge to Windsor, Ont. 

What, what's the difference, they's all furriners ain't they's? Thought so. Fornicate yourself.

Humanity sucks, kids. 

That's why I prefer reading about Bigfoot to the attempt to analyse most people. Plus I get less stabby, and Sweetie has informed me many times she prefers not to be a prisoner's wife.

Meh, I'm about a quarter drunk, the doggeh needs his walk yet, and I have to wake up in about several fewer hours. Just, where'd we go wrong as a species? Is the theory of devolution ahead of its time?

Luxury, We'd Have Been Thrilled For An Armageddon Level Event

I've never had any particular fear of flying my freak flag.

I believe in ghosts. Bigfeets. UFOs.

To be consistent, I suppose I must allow for the possibility of some Prime Mover of the universe. It may not be turtles all the way down. To be truly honest, cuz' I iz a geek I'd prefer the Norse pantheon, but I'm drifting off point.

The possibility of a Prime Mover then must allow the, now slimmer, possibility of The Bearded Sky Daddy (TM), watching us, protecting us, keeping video of the better masturbation sessions. This is less likely, to my mind, reasoning that if he is protecting and judging us, and choosing heaven versus hell, to read the stories and to see the world as it is, he is a capricious bastard who sucks at his job. Not to mention, any heaven/hell based, eternal reward/eternal fire type of faith denies free will, when you break it down to the quark level, and I refuse, I have my own damn free will, make my own decisions, take responsibility, to the best of my ability, for them.

Jesus? The Red Words are actually nifty, seriously, Jesus in and of his own bad self, as written and quoted, was kinda nifty, but I defy you to find one Real True Christian who has ever read the Red or who has taken them to heart. Whoops, found a point.

I do not believe in Religion (TM). As a whole, religion has never been able to balance the scales by doing enough good to counteract the evil of their very existence.

Some religions do help a bit, pass out food and clothing without prozelytizing.

Some religions build new palaces.

Pope Frank talks the talk, and appears to be trying to walk the walk. (BTW, Mr. Pope, triple your security. Please. I'm somewhat inclined to like you. No more Benedicts.)

Pope Clarence Antonin Anthony Sammybaby Roberts has a misogyny issue. (Does we needz a link? Read any newspaper from last week.) A bit. And a believing science issue. A bit. And fuck the poors, by the way, if they have a problem, they should buy their own Justices. Bicthez.

Once upon a time, I went to a Unitarian church. It didn't stick, but for the winter celebration the opening song was from Bruce Cockburn.

Sweetie and I actually joined a Catholic Church to get married. Primarily for the parents, but we were not trying to use them, we joined in good faith. The only fondness I had from church as a child was as a community-type thingy. Then Mr. Priest, upon finding out Sweetie's first husband was muslim, didn't react well or appropriately. Then, Mr. Archbishop Nienstadt, a true walking collection of yeast infection, took money from the coffers to build homeless shelters fight like a rabid amphibian against marriage equality in MN. Bye, oh high and mighty melonheaded bastards.

Things are a touch weighted in one direction, is what Imma saying. Not the good one.

Can we get past this?

Faith is faith, and good on ya if you have it in whatever. I have my beliefs, and I sleep okay. But these organizations are a touch less than useful, and a touch more than criminal fuckers.

Uggh.

I Could Be Famous And Evil If I Had No Moral Structure, Too!

I love Wisconsin. I'm from western WI, and spent much of my life in Badgerland. I know everywhere to hunt and fish, the best camping, breweries, strip clubs. Friends and family throughout the state, Eau Claire, La Crosse, Hayward, Janesville, Madison (80 square miles surrounded by reality), Milwaukee. Home of ghosts and beasties, Ridgeway, the Beast Of Bray Road, Elmwood, Cashton, Crex Meadows. This is why is hurts so much to see the quality of Wisconsin politicians.

La Crosse, where I grew up, has a history of wishy-washy centrists, the mayors I grew up with (primarily Patrick Zielke) being blandly business/COC/Elks Club friendly, up to the congressional level, with the current congressman, Ron Kind, being a damnable Blue Dog, and the prior, Steve Gunderson, a moderate (when there use to be such a thing) Republican.
At the state level, Herb Kohl, nominally Democratic but treated the Senate seat as his due, as the inevitable end game to his wealth, and then did NO-THING with it. Thomas Thompson, Tommy to his masters, far and away the dumbest sibling of an otherwise rather successful family. Ron Johnson, who took Feingold's seat in the 2010 debacle (please vote!, bitches!!!), gleeful teabagger, got schooled by Hillary Clinton. And finally, Paulie (Pecs) Ryan, famed fabricator, took social security while belonging to one of Wisconsin's successful business families, who incidentally made much of the family money via government contract - while calling us lesser folks, who might be relying on a pension or social security, 'moochers'.* 

I bring Roidboy up last, as he has been in the news for his CPAC experiences, primarily his speech and LIES!!!!!! about a brown bag lunch. 
I want to focus on one line from that pile of shit.

"People don't just want a life of comfort--they want a life of dignity."

First of all, no shit. Ass. But also, hey, who has been hell bent on taking away that dignity, for years?! Who is calling the poor 'takers', 'looters', suggesting that those who do not have property should have the franchise taken away from them? Who suggested that working three jobs to make ends meet is 'uniquely american'? (And by the way, Georgie, suck on a tailpipe.) Who blamed inner city issues (whoa, my puppy's ear just perked up. What the hell?) on a lack of work ethic, justified by the 'studies' of Charles Murray?**

It's you, Paulie, you and your co-hoard, claiming that those what ain't got much ain't got pride, that if you ain't got none you didn't deserve none. Good Catholic St. Paulie who ordered a soup kitchen to re-open so he could photo-op his way into the hearts of americans. You're a genuinely horrible person, P-Ry. Lying about marathons, about the 14'ers.**** You got yours, fuck everyone else. Forcing your staffers to read the completely inadequate book (but excellent building materiel) Atlas Shrugged. You never watched Diff'rent Strokes because it was too racially provocative. You. Are. A Weed.

UPDATE: ARE YOU STINKING KIDDING ME? Scott Fitzgerald, Senate Majority leader of WI, blocks a bill to benefit to cancer patients, treating oral cancer meds the same as intravenous treatments, potentially saving patients', well, everything. Shocker - Fitzie's brother is a pharmaceutical lobbyist. My beloved Wisconsin, why are you not running these assholes out of state with pitchforks!?!?!


*FYI, I don't care that he took survivors benefits, he was entitled (SWIDT!) to the benefits his father had earned. But he's a hypocrite and proven public liar.
**Oh, wait, that one was Paulie. Who then claimed he was speaking inarticulately.***
***This is inarticulate. 


Paulie just slipped and spoke his mind.

****From the Gawker article,

Paul Ryan was at the very first Train show.

 What a beautiful way to say "douchebag".

In Which paleo Is Bugged And Wishes To Stand On A Soap Box For A Few Minnows

The other day I was shooting the shit with an acquaintance. He’s in most ways a genuinely decent guy, devoted family guy, outdoorsman, stand-up type, I’d have no issue trusting him.

You are hearing a ‘but’.

But, he is very conservative. Constitution/Libertarian party. He knows I am a raging liberal, and we try to avoid politics. The exchange the other day was, inadvertently, my fault. I was laughing at news from CPAC when I ran into him, Paul Ryan lying his ass off about liberal parents and brown bag lunches.

(all quotes are paraphrases, best I can, and making me look fantastic and smarter than I am)

Naturally, he was curious. Then defensive. Big Lyin’ Ryan fan. “Oh, those are liberal sites.”

Wevs. PaulieDude has already apolo-lied, and liberally spread the blame with a bit of a perimeter around himself.

Then “you got your liberal president, and Hillary Clinton running the next time”. Followed by me metaphorically beating my head against a wall – “Bullshit. I voted for Obama, and occasionally like the guy. He is not a liberal, by any stretch. Clinton is not a liberal by any stretch. I’d kill to vote for a liberal.” “Obama is the most socialist president we’ve ever had-” “Again, bullshit. I’m a socialist. Obama is a lite republican on a good day. I voted for him because the alternatives by the time of the general campaign, Romney and McCain&Palin, or any republican clown, were too horrifying to contemplate. I am a liberal. I like freedom, dammit.”

This surprised him a bit. “Freedom?”

“Yeah. You cannot be a republican and believe in freedom.”

“Well, what do you mean by that?”

I terminated the conversation at that point, no upside for me to be engaging in open political warfare with this dude, and besides his dreadfully confused political views, I like the guy.

What I would say given the choice, however?

The United States as a whole is far and away the wealthiest country on earth. (And as I was writing that I started to spell “company”, which is the clear goal of the CPACBaggers. Paging Doc Freud?)

We can afford health care, unencumbered by profit corporations and the real death panels, and the whims of religious sociopaths who don’t believe in the science that gave them their jobs as pharmacists and doctors. Under most circumstances, a bankruptcy due to medical costs is a sign of a morally bankrupt society. You want innovation? Take some guy, formally educated or just interested in a topic, thoughtful, who needs to keep a full time pathetic-wage job to keep insurance, or several full-time minimum-wage jobs to afford insurance, and give him a chance to invent, create, play, learn, and you’ll see some damned innovation.

We can afford infrastructure. This may be the only crisis in the United States greater than the health care crisis. (In neither instance do I use ‘crisis’ lightly.) More and more people cannot trust their fucking TAP WATER. The way-y-y-y too many being poisoned by corporations (who, if they are ‘people’, need some damn jail time) are a drop compared to the number of people whose city water supply and sewage disposal are more and more sharing the same waterways. The people driving to work about to do the Minnesota Shuffle on some bridge that has been condemned for 30 years. The schools that don’t really need a new Vikings stadium so much as having the asbestos removed, and perhaps some environmental controls, hell, a window air conditioner if nothing else. Freedom from fuckin’ TB, for chrissakes.

We can afford education. I would dispute that schools are necessarily top heavy in personnel, as many of the ‘vice principals in charge of fryer oil’ go by other titles as well, such as 5th grade social studies teachers and maybe see another $500 a year for that principleship. Teachers are trained and educated and need to be paid like it, and worked a helluva lot harder in college than some damn cookie-cutter frat-fuck MBA. We can afford gym class and arts education – if something has to go due to budget constraints, might I suggest the league sports, waste of time and space. Teach the kids. If the NFL wants a farm system, let them pay for it. Freedom to have a chance. It’s not a hard calculation to do.

We can afford basic nutrition, especially for our neediest, kids, the elderly. The lunchroom admin in Utah who threw away kids lunches needs to be beaten a lot. The MN legislators who applauded and cheered after cutting Meals On Wheels in MN need to be beaten with the lunchroom admin from Utah. And yes, there are healthy adults who, from no fault of their own, who need and deserve food. And yes yes, there are healthy adults who, from fault of their own, need and deserve food. Yeah, there can be conditions, but those conditions must start with feeding the people. Then job training, then job help, then education help. I don’t care that Marcus Bachmann complains that it will cut into his brie and KY budget for his Thursday poker nights, because first of all, he’s lying, and second of all, he’s really lying. Again, you want to see innovation? Take some kid who’s a damn genius but can’t think at school because the cheapest way to get him breakfast is ramen, and turn him loose with some energy, let him thunk about learnin’ as opposed to how many days in a row he’s had Corn King hot dogs for supper. Freedom from suffering. Life can be hard, life can occasionally be cruel. But we don’t need to increase the cruelty, and we can afford to assuage it somewhat. Read the RED WORDS, conservatives.

Women are different from men. Yep. Also, men are different from men. Women are different from women. And, some men and women are similar. Take your gender bullshit and shove it up your gender-specific orifice, righties. Women get birth control covered. Women get to control their bodies, including the choice to terminate a pregnancy, and the choice to keep a pregnancy, and don’t you ever minimize their agency. If she wants to be a housewife, good for her. If she wants to be a CEO, good for her, and beat, with the MN legislators who applauded and cheered after cutting Meals On Wheels in MN, anyone trying to obstruct her way to either destination.

There are people who are not white men, and not only are they not like white men, they are sometimes not like each other. And, sometimes, they are like white men. Or act as a bloc because they are like each other. So fucking what. Let them pick their own destination and shut the hell up.

Never be under the illusion that a corporation gives a damn about the United States, you, their own grandmothers (They're people right? Must have grannies.) The owe your community a return on the commons provided that allows them to make money. Don't poison people. Don't run your workers through a bandsaw. A little community investment wouldn't suck. The commons owes them infrastructure in return, roads, cops, educated workforce. All they owe you is a fair day’s pay for a fair day’s work. All you owe them is a fair day’s work for a fair day’s pay. Either of you may negotiate terms, both of you must live up to agreed terms. The best way to do this is the union structure, with healthy government enforcement, but I’ll listen to other ideas. Just in my own experience, unions are the proven way. Some unions need internal cleanup, some quite a bit of cleanup, they are made of people, same as soylent green, but that is yet another reason for workers to get organized and get active. Most corporations are completely corrupted by greed, need extensive internal cleanup, and are incapable of it. They must be brought to heel by the consumer, as an individual entity, and as a commons represented by government, and the workforce.

Eh, maybe 7 cents worth of dimestore philosophy, but I wanted to write it. There’s more, but it frequently involves Sasquatches and a mild messianic complex, so I’ll leave it there.

Could This Be It For The New Jersey Gnawer?

First of all, we'll see what Christie is made of, how good a politician he is. The standard has got to be the Big Dog, Bill Clinton, who weathered a semen stained dress and an impeachment and came out be-loved. Or even Dick Cheney, (somewhere in hell, Stalin is saying "Jesus Christ, I can't match that!"), who co-opted the presidential run and administration of an idiot and became, for maybe 5 years, the most powerful man in the world. This while the Secret Service scoured the globe for only the purest unicorn-riding virgin, that Dickey could have a heart powerful enough to not be destroyed by the bile in his veins.

Christie's POTUS run has taken a hard setback for a general election, but he has impressed and made some points with Republican primary voters, who love nothing better than other people's suffering.

This post is not about the Big Chicken, however.

Bridget Anne Kelly, welcome to the big time! You ain't'nt ready yet.

There is a reason you were only deputy chief of staff, ma'am. 3 syllabubs. Pa-per-trail.

In most American state and federal administrations, the chief of staff is the power behind the throne. The COS decides who gets to see the Executive, what information goes to the Executive, tells the Executive when he can boink his wife, all while staying under the radar. Dick Cheney was an outlier, the VP, not the COS, but still basically served that purpose for President Bunnypajamas. Chiefs of staff do not leave paper trails. Cheney didn't even leave a paper trail in the toilet. Something like Bridgeghazigate, a good COS has found someone way down the line to fall on a sword, presumably for some sweet, sweet wingnut welfare, so this nonsense cannot get within the same zip code as the Executive, or the COS.

I don't feel sorry for you, Bridget.

I am a partisan, I enjoy seeing republican filth get busted. Bridgegateghazi was pathetic as far as retribution goes (you killed an old woman, you ass! Get out your checkbook and your children's college funds!), full of Sopranos cosplay.

I don't feel sorry for you because you are clearly playing way out of your league, and may be the dumbest person in New Jersey. Even Snooki doesn't leave a paper trail. (I think. I, and close to everyone else in America, know who she is, but I haven't seen the show, and am not really inclined thusly.)

I don't feel sorry for you because you'll be working for Fox next week, for 5 times the salary of a DCOS. Fuck.

Going fishing.

Speak For Yourself, Dude!

The head of the MN Democratic-Farmer-Labor party was interviewed on drive-time radio this morning, and said (para)"The ACA is a step in the right direction. Most Americans want to see everyone have health insurance."

Fuck that noise.

I want to see everyone have HEALTH CARE. As in the chance to see, be evaluated by, a doctor. By whatever means necessary. If it involves some sort of insurance scheme, and that is the only way to get people HEALTH CARE, son-of-a-bitch, but at least people will have HEALTH CARE.

On a basic level, however, health insurance is a scam, gambling on the life of a person, and the health insurance companies have no particular mission or any particular frame of mind towards providing HEALTH CARE for anyone. Nothing makes an insurance company happier than you paying your premiums in full for the year and then unexpectedly getting caught in a woodchipper.

The ACA is only a step in the right direction if along those coordinates there is a single payer system.

Guillotines Get Lazy When Not Used

Listening to Thom Hartmann today, when a caller expressed the wish that the Walmart protestors would gather at the homes of the Walton heirs, with a family worth (Sept. 2013) of $144B.

Mr. Hartmann, who I enjoy and respect 99% of the time (occasionally he gets a touch homeopathic, which, even as generally lunatic as I am, I don't buy), suggested that the Waltons attempt to stay out of the public eye and be quiet billionaires makes them non-combatants, unlike the Koch brothers. He suggested, in a philosophically consistent sense, and he's probably correct in an ethical sense, that change should and can only really be achieved by becoming active in the political process.

Where I strongly disagree is that the Walton heirs are non-combatants.

They are not sitting in their living rooms playing GTA V and only hearing about Walmart business practices or lobbying activities if they happen to surf past Free-Speech TV.

They could tell their lobbyists or the Walmart board "ya know, hey, we are being kinda peanutheady here, let's give everyone a raise and insurance, and close on Thanksgiving."

They don't. They won't.

Fuck 'non-combatant'. They are fair game.

The right-wing scum protest (and gleefully kill) at the homes of doctors who provide abortions. They check the countertops of children with needs ("hey, you got granite? Die please!"). They fight like wolverines to prevent people who just aren't quite... ummm... worthy?... no, wait, poor!, from getting access to doctors.

A lawn bowling and cliffotine party couldn't happen to a more deserving group of people.

My Soul Is Trying To Strangle Me - Must Defend Martin Bashir. And Yell At The Dumbass.

... obviously, I'm not a fan. But.

Human Genome Project outlier Sarah "I was governor for a whole half-term and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" Palin

dispensed a bit of wisdom teh other day, something along the lines of (and I paraphrase):

"the Obamacare death panels have already killed many free Americans who love their being part of this great God-given us the so many ways to worship Jesus, all the ways and churches that love this country, real Americans, not the elites who want to tell us, with debt and sending people to the wrong doctor and giving out mammograms to men with abortions and free birth control, Obamaphones and videogames, and it's just like the democrat institute of slavery"

Mr. Bashir then related the story of one practice of slavery, called 'Darby's Dose', involving defecation and urination into a slave's mouth.

Sarah Palin has compared trying to get people access to health care, and the application of classical Keynesian econ, which has, historically, usually been successful, sort of, but not quite, similar to the way that austerity has always failed, to slavery. It is perfectly reasonable, since she is such a victim of slavery, to give her the full monty. Also, she's a twat, but that is merely an identifying characteristic and not directly related to the Bashir issue.

Now, Bashir has gone on an apology tour. (I have mentioned I'm not a fan.) 

Dear Marty, 

You were right. Shut up. 

Love, paleo

Also, today on the radio, Hannity, skipping a little thing called context, accused Bashir of having a fecal obsession. 

Dear Sean, 

Darby's Dose was an invention of the Confederacy. You know, the people you laud as true patriots. The Rebs. Treason In Defense Of Slavery. 

Hell, I'll even do you the honor of not accusing you of being a genocidal maniac. I suspect you'd be happy owning slaves of any color.

May your appendix get ambitious, rip it's way out of your chest cavity, throttle you very slowly watching the pure light of fascism choke out in your eyes, and be declared Most Heroic Amongst The Peoples.  

Love, paleo

Climate Change Denial Isn't Just A Hobby, I'm A Member

So, listening to sports talk on the way home from work (no judging. The only antidote to remembering how bad the Packers were yesterday is listening to Twin Cities media call their team a squad of nun-beaters.)

Local Limbaugh wannabee and suspected serial egg-plant buggerer (it would be irresponsible not to speculate) Joe Soucheray was laying down a groove, troof about the Vikings, and the subject turned to the Bears-Ravens game, and other slightly more important news from yesterday.

Joe said, para, that tornadoes happen, and that the only reason people notice them nowadays is that people are living in areas that used to have tornadoes go through and they would just kill a rabbit maybe. His co-host, an old sportswriter named Patrick Reusse (who's actually alright, his choice of friends notwithtatnding), brought him in from the ledge a bit, and eventually they settled on "Well, it's not unheard of."

Dear Mr. Souchoreilly,

People have been living in Chicago for a bit. Cincinnati? Not exactly the wild frontier. Washington IL, F4, pretty flattened. Been around a while, did a bit of good in this skirmish called World War II. F3, Paducah, Kentucky. Some horses ain't'nt come down yet. 20 city blocks on the Natl. Registry of Historic Places. Tornado touched down at a uranium enrichment plant, and by pure luck, no releases. Check out The Weather Channel for more.

You know what? No, Joey, get your hand out of the vegetable patch and listen, goddammit. Yeah, sometimes tornadoes do happen, sometimes out of nowhere. Snownadoes. Sharknadoes even. 

12+ of the rotten bastards in middle damn November?!?!

Someone may have noted that. Just saying.

What will it take for you to realize, stuff is not exactly right?

Quotes Of The Day

From Business Insider.

Hey, don't mock it, the editor got kicked out of Wall Street by the SEC - clearly an expert on the markets.

The WSJ summarizes the situation best:

"I haven't seen morale this bad since the Titanic," said Richard Stein, a senior recruiter at Caldwell Partners CWL.T -3.41% who specializes in financial services.

First off, the fella is remarkably well preserved, 1912, 2013, has vivid memory of the Titanic, I'd say at least, 113 years old. He could be talking about the film, I guess (no spoilers - I haven't seen it. Oh, wait, not gonna.)

And if bankers are not happy, nobody else will be (here's looking at you dear perpetual banker bailout ATM known as US taxpayers).

I CAN FIX!

Analysts are scrambling to ratchet down earnings estimates ahead of the reports. J.P.Morgan and Wells Fargo are slated to post results on Oct. 11, with Citigroup Inc., Bank of America Corp., Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs Group Inc. due to weigh in the following week.

Poor results could prompt additional job cuts and worsen the already downcast mood on Wall Street, bankers and recruiters said. ... Mr. Stein, the recruiter, said he received 100% more calls in August and September than in the same months in 2012 from disgruntled traders in fixed income, currencies and commodities at big banks looking to switch firms. "There's no opportunity to make any money right now," he said. "Nothing is happening." ...

(Following quote, emphasis by paleo.) 

Finally, since a dropping bonus check tide will reduce all compensation packages across all levels, it means more disgruntled bankers, less discretionary income for the wealthiest, even less taxes paid into city, state and Federal coffers, less consumption and more saving, and an end to America's deficit-cutting miracle and certainly and (sic) end to the days of barely even stall speed GDP.

Boy oh boy can I fix. 

I'd say the subhuman scumbags deserve everything they get, tried, jailed, executed, dug up and executed again. Then kicked. Frequently. By every person they every screwed.

OFF-TOPIC:

Another Good Guy With A Gun Went Past The Expiration Date

Yes, I know it was a woman (with a child in the car? Jesus Christ!!?!), I just have a need to remind people that Wayne LaPierre was a waste of sperm. FALSE FLAG BENGHAZI ROSWELL!!!

That's not what I was really going after, though. It has been a horrendous few days politically. The 27% mouth-breathers have Killed Government In The Auditorium With A Bag Of Dumb, and I fully expect them to go after the credit rating as well, because if you are gonna suck a cock you may as well go for the balls.

I'm aware my language has gotten infinitely coarser of late, at least when talking politics. Don't worry too much, as a nation we are terminally fucked and my little notepad doesn't stand much chance against a collection of people who need directional signals on their Hoverrounds because the teabags covering their eyes prevent them from being human. Here's hoping for a hard flu season. Anyhow.

I try to avoid talking politics with most people, mostly because I am incapable of respecting or responding politely to republicans, and there are too many of them, ooooh, sorry, got that wrong, since 2001 as of 2009 they've mostly been Independents or Libertarians, shut up, twats, in Minnesota, but sometimes I overhear. Today's right wing memes:

The SUV driver chased down by motorcycles and beat up. Wow. Yeah, the cyclists were being shitheads. Doesn't mean you get to kill them. Oh, and "If I were that driver, I'd have had my gun and they'd have really gotten what for. And notice how the news media isn't reporting on this because they're black?" Well, you found out, brighteyes. Oh, and for the record, if the cyclists had been white and the SUV driver black, the SUV driver would have been dead as soon as a cop cleared his car door, followed by "I thought he was stealing it. And he had a gun, he must have tossed it."

The veterans at the World War II memorial, and the National Parks. This one worries me, this is gaining traction, oh-oh-oh the scary BLACK IMPOSTER found out the WWII vets were coming and closed the memorial to show them who is the head Kenyan Pimp! Fuck off, klanboy. What worries me about this meme is that if the 27% mouthbreathers can restore, piecemeal, the bits of the budget they like, and they is sho' nuff trying, screw the rest of the budget and Women, Infants, and Children can die horribly, they'll bring the Moet & Chandon.

Helluva lot of these goddamn worthless teabaggers and their goddamn worthless representatives are children of the World War II vets generation. Wonder if those guys, quietly serving, coming home and building a middle class, in a large part through government money, realized their children would be rabid braindead fucks?

There May Be A Reason We're Dumb

The latest Congressional approval ratings are out, and Congress is preferable to being shoved through a working jet engine, but not by much. 83% disapproval.

Doug Limerick this morning, para "Congress is disliked by both Republicans and Democrats, for different reasons, (and this now is a direct quote - paleo) but the dislike is bi-partisan."

Let's ignore for a moment the fact that he is clearly unfamiliar with Funk and Wagnalls. 

• Some conservatives hate the Republican party because they have embraced (ie. not impeached) teh OBlahma
• Some conservatives hate the Democratic Party because they are clearly commies, and are bound and determined to have the government take over Social Security, and try to feed people who really don't deserve it, and mix the bags of blood, Sharpton and Robertson, therefore causing the Singularity. Okay, Tea Baggers don't think that deep usually, first of all, 5 syllables. Second of all, 'think'
• Some liberals hate conservatives because they are Evil. Yes, I am an example of the Straw Lib who thinks the conservatives are not merely wrong, but Evil. Stick 'em into a microwave until it explodes, leaving bits of burnt evil all over the kitchen
• Some liberals hate the Republicans because DRONEZPATRIOTACTNSA
• Some liberals (ie. me) are not fans of the Democrats because they, like the President, are endlessly conciliatory, ready to compromise before they make a proposal, have the spine of a slime mold, and because aforesaid libs (ie. I) are actual socialists. The only thing keeping them from being called Rockefeller Republicans is the fact that the last Rockefeller Republican is mounted on a wall in Limbaugh's den (no, the Beached One didn't do his own dirty work, he has a boil on his ass, he couldn't even go to Vietnam because of it. It was Ped Nugent.) is insult to injury

Goddammit. Bipartisan? Even on a feel-good story like this - why can't the free-est, bestest press on earth get things in the ballpark of reality?

Politicians And Morals - Can They Ever Make Common Ground?

A Canadian politician, Mike Allen from Alberta, was caught in a prostitution sting in St. Paul on July 15th.. The headline of the linked article, from the HuffPo, is not entirely clear*- the gentleman resigned from the governing coalition, not his seat.
*(I know, the the HuffPo? Misleading? The home of Jenny McCarthy and the Big Brain Radio Show misleading? I haz a shockeded look on meine face...)

My local morning drive show, The Grind w/ Matt McNeil, reported on it, and the guest and Mr. McNeil both talked about how sex scandals can ruin a career, using, as a key, both this and the electrical female stimulation pleasuredome sent to the woman on the planet most likely to be unaware of what female pleasure is, (or male pleasure, or pleasure in general, or any sensation not associated with having dropped enough acid to change the outcome of a world war), Michele 'No Wire Hangers' Bachmann. I disagree. To the paleophone!

I think only liberal politicians pay a price for a sex scandal. Republicans do not, at least not a real price.

Liberals:

• Anthony Weiner (Dumb. Did not actually physically meet the poor woman. Resigned.)
• Eliot Spitzer (Also dumb. The sex worker, well, let me state my opinion on sex work below. Forced resignation.)**
• Bill Clinton (Ridiculously dumb. Consenting adults. Hillary may be allowed to cut off the Clenis, no one else's goddam business. Impeached, crippled 2nd term of presidency.)

Conservatives:

• Diaper David Vitter (Baby play. Hey, whatever gets you off, peachy. Barely even discussed in the DC Madam case. He is still in the Senate.)
• Newt Gingrich (Made an intern's opinion on cheating and availability to marry him a question for employment interviewees. Has SundayPundit TV show, ran for president went on book tour.)
• Mark Sanford, newly minted Representative for South Carolina (Hiked the Appalachian Trail all the way to Argentina on the taxpayers dime.) 
• Guiliani (serial cheater) Limbaugh (pedophile) Nugent (pedophile) LoofahBill O'Loofah (In a cunning plan, made Andrea Mackris rich, consent, motherfucker, do you speak it!), etc. etc., still highly regarded members of the Wingnut Circus.

And yet, we are the heathenists. Why does the cognitive dissonance not leave splody wingnut headscapes? Hypocrisy, I Got Mine Fuck You, The President Is A Blah, Imma Be Raptured You Ain't'nt, any of these, all of these, or any combination.

Blecch.

**I don't have the slightest inkling of a smidge of a bit of a problem with sex workers, with a few basic crucial considerations:

1. Full consent of the sex worker. There must be NO coercion. No UNDERAGE bullshit. (You touch a kid, I'll throw the switch myself.) The worker must get the full benefit of the sex work. In other words, pimps are evil.
2. I'd like to see it legal and out in the open, so there is regulation, and the same civil protections afforded any other workplace.
3. Safe sex. Safe sex safe sex safe sex. Included in regulation.

The Return Of Batshit-Crazy Acid-Eyes Michele Bachmann

Not really a return, or new, but Lip Reading fun! (h/t Alyson Chadwick, DailyBanter)