“The Fluoubeetazinc in organic raised eggplants will allow
you to buy an apartment complex with no money down and give everyone polio by
this afternoon!”
Blech. Hmmph. Scanscanscanscan what the everfucking love?
Okay, right wing clap-your-hands-to-save-Jesus-From-Well-Me
radio, some clichéd tough guy calling himself Joe Pags, no link because he’s
not the central point here, just another low-rent Michael Savage with dreams of
moving up to become a low rent Mark Levin, who watches American Sniper
while wearing both Depends and a condom. Mr. Pags and his acolytes were, near
as I can tell, discussing the Tsarnaev trial and sentencing phase, in the
common right wing Spirograph system, Obamaphones, Black Benghazi Panther
Certificates, OMG Hitlery. Creationism was breached, and his Hostness proceded
to educate his audience. Paraphrased, ‘if the earth’s orbit was just a couple
degrees different, we wouldn’t be here, therefore the earth was created for us
evolutionists eat puppies satan satan godidit.’
Well, hell, the first clause is nearly vaguely correct. If
the earth’s orbit was a couple degrees different life as we know
it wouldn’t exist, yes. I wonder why…
Oh, yes, because EVERY CRITTER ON THIS STUPID ROCK, THROUGH
NATURAL SELECTION, EVOLVED TO SURVIVE ON THIS EARTH IN THIS ORBIT WITH THESE
ENVIRONMENTAL CONDITIONS. Creatures, including us, with
adaptations
that were best suited to allow survival tended to survive, hence, my
ugly ass.
To steal a line, “Life Finds A Way.”*
If the earth changed orbit, and we couldn’t adapt (evolve),
we would go away and confuse the hell out of some future Slappyborgian
archeologist touring the remnants of the Solar system. If the earth had started
in that slightly different orbit, but had the chemistry and survived the
universal crapshoot for life to start, and that life then adapted to survive
and thrive in those environmental conditions, the Quatloonian race of
Clobetazole 7 might now be ruling this quadrant and beating the snot out of
those damnable Slappyborgs. Fuckers – I hate ‘em! Ummm.
Joey, the universe is a neat and endlessly creative place
without the need for a Hirsute Heavenly He-Man.**
As the Gyroscope Of Loonacide continued turning on the
radio, they hit the Tsarnaev verdict again. This is where the stumpfuckers reminded
us again that a.) they are not stable; b.) they are not xtians, if anything,
they are Paulites and love the Deuteronomical laws, they have never read the Red Words and if they had existed coexistant to Rabbi
Yeshua, they would have volunteered the nails and the hammer for the goddamn
soshamalistic hippie; and c.) there’s a bunch of them, and the cravenly powers
that be court their votes.
“Strap him to a pressure kettle bomb!” “Torture him first!”
“They should do it on Pay Per View, like wrasslin’!” “The Bibbly says an eye
for an eye!”***
I know that Joe and his esteemed audience are missing the
gene for IQ, and molars, thumbs, not eating roadkill; so Imma speak slowly.
Under extremely stringent circumstances I can live with the
death penalty. Stringent circumstance number one? MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
GUY.***** I’m good with the death penalty with many cases of rape, absolutely
for pedophilia, if you hurt a kid, or terroristic acts. (I know, I know, I just
described frat bastards, priests, priests and Republican legislators, and Dick
Cheney.) The death penalty is not a deterrent. The death penalty should not be
revenge. The death penalty is the result of those cases where someone has done
something completely. fucking. wrong., and must go away.
For as much as I’ve followed the Tsarnaev trial, it appears
to me that the kid truly cashed his check and it’s about time to leave the
building. Okay. (And so why can’t we get Cheney?!?) I have not followed that
closely, and while I would like to know from anyone who has been paying attention
if that is the case, for the sake of continuing this puddle of word, let’s
assume he done genuinely earned himself a ticket to hell. Fine.
But torture? Effin’ Pay Per View? Wow,
yer a dick. Seriously. “Well, paleo, eye for an eye, we have to do to him what
he done to us ooops, pissed myself.” No. Thank you for playing, you’re dumb.
Do you even know why we supposedly do not allow cruel and
unusual punishment? Or, if you are reading, torture, Mr. Cheney?
BECAUSE WE SHOULD BE BETTER THAN THE RAPIST, THE PEDOPHILE,
THE TERRORIST. Or, we’re supposed to be – to judge by the raw bloodthirst
Joey’s callers exhibited, they are not much better than Tsarnaev.****** I, for
one, refuse to let the criminal drag me down to his level. Can you jackals even
fathom that? Tsarnaev may have to go away, but that is no reason for us to
throw away our humanity, our pride, or our justice system.
WHAT DO WE HAVE FOR OUR GUEST, JOHNNY?
Mr. Pags, I award you and your sycophants a free public
education, as it is apparent none of you have taken advantage of the one
offered you in childhood. I also give you sippy cups, as blood can be so hard to
get out of your onesies.
AND SO, HAVING VANQUISHED THE MONSTER, paleo MUST awww,
hell, what’s this?
A day later, returning home from work, I was listening to
The Daily Report, local afternoon liberal talk. Couple of really good
fellas, the host Ian and producer Wilhelm, check out their show streaming and
as podcasts. (And occasionally you hear me, and occasionally I’m even polite.)
In order to explain the following rant, I have to dig into
the weeds of Minnesota politics a touch.
Minnesota, under two whole years of actual leadership courtesy of
Governor Mark Dayton******* and a fully Democratic-Farmer-Labor lege , boasted
a near $2B surplus, and after 8 years of Guv. Wonderbread and
Mayo Timmy Pawlenty, has a lot of stuff to fix, to fund. But
(scare chord) last fall, the MN Pubbles took over the MN state House.
They just put out their legislative priorities. Schools? No.
Environment? No. Take a guess. Oh, I
can’t hold it in -
TAX BREAKS!!! For a few people. They want to hand out every penny of surplus,
plus some borrowed funds, in tax breaks, primarily, I know, shocked, right?, to
the wealthy. You got yer school vouchers, no property taxes for corporations,
cut the minimum wage for restaurant servers, and, if you’re a $50K household,
you get $125.00 EACH YEAR for THE NEXT TWO YEARS! WOOOOait, what about
transportation? No? K, gotcha. Every republican fellates derp.
Now, as Ian and William discussed transportation funding, a
gentleman, who I suspect believes himself an economic realist and fancies
himself a principled libertarian, called about light rail.
Light rail is fairly new to the Twin Cities, is quite
popular, and needs expansion. (Particularly from my home suburb to my work
exurb. Not gonna happen? Shit.) Caller ‘Chris’ brought up the strawman that
light rail will never pay for itself, why do we have it, unspoken racism, unspoken
classism, we haz to subsidize it oh noes, why don’t we fix roads********,
especially in places far from the urban hellhole that is Minneapolis-St. Paul,
like the intersection of Grandpa Braunschweiger Trail and Fire Road 11357 in
Itaska Cty.
paleo blinks, finds scotch
Chris? Ummm, sweetie, WHEN HAVE THE ROADS EVER PAID FOR
THEMSELVES? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A TOLL ROAD THAT WAS NOT SUBSIDIZED BY THE
STATE? How long, after you finished your interstate highway system, did it take
for the riches to roll into your account?
I mean, I have not yet heard that Target put in a Paver
selection, even online.
All. Transportation. Is. Subsidized. All transportation is
subsidized, it’s a public need, a public good, and it cannot be done without
tapping the public commons (ooooo, soshalamalamdingdong). ALL TRANSPORTATION IS
SUBSIDIZED. Light Rail is much greener than auto traffic, solves a lot of
downtown parking problems. Certainly road (and in MN, especially, bridge, thank
you Lil’ Timmy) upkeep is a crucial part of the transportation puzzle, but a
well-considered transportation plan requires light rail pieces.
And roads, bridges, and light rail will
all be, and will always be, subsidized, and will NEVER turn a profit. They.
Are. Simply. Needed. Deal with it, oh libertarian screwhead.
BY THE SACRED COMMITTEE OF ME, I HEREBY PRESENT TO YOU:
Caller ‘Chris’, I award you 270,357 feet of MatchBox
racetrack, from my parent’s basement. Some of the track may be dinged up, as
they also made wonderful impromptu swords. If you can figure out a way to make
public, well, anything pay, I’ll award you a subscription to
a peer-reviewed transportation journal that you may enlighten us.
*Okay, from Michael Crichton, yeah, I know he was a global
warming denialist and in general a twerp, but bitch could write.
**I guess personally I preferred She-Ra, because 11 year old
boy and boobs, but actually I was a Warner Bros guy, and Bugs Bunny in drag
neither fooled me nor jump started puberty.
***Actually, that’s a Mosiac law thingy, Deuteronomish, like
don’t wear both silk and hemp.**** Jesus didn’t say a bloody thing about
televising an execution by pipe bomb, he was too busy beating the tar out of
peckernecks using religious buildings for commerce.
****Thereby probably preventing some extremely relaxed
foreplay. BASTARDS!!!
*****Any review of the news or Governor Rick Perry’s terms
in office in Texas show that being that stringent is something right wingers
are not especially interested in.
******If they’re serious, that is – most wingers spend a lot
of time in their basements watching Fox, trying to find dry underwear.
*******Except for the Viking stadium – why, Gov. Dayton,
why?!?!?
********By the way, Chris, the slashed transportation
funding? That included roads.
