Monday, September 30, 2013

A Couple Of Letters Home

Just wanted to share...

July 31, 2013
Hey folks! 
Thanks for the birthday card, and this weekend Sweetie and I are taking a little weekend up north, we'll use the gift cert for dinner one night. I adore my wife. 
We're doing good here - progress is always slow on the damn house, but it is cheery and stuff, we quibble over things but ever onward. Teh kitties are adorable, the brother-in-law less so but it's cool to have him around. Just had the Neighborhood Night Out, met a bunch of new neighbors, nice people, bring some youth and the pitter-patter of feet between it appears 3 and 15 years oldish. You know I think kids are great, I have a nice big lawn.
You know me, Mr. Big  Liberal, but I'm excited, we're excited, MN Marriage Equality starts at midnight, v. cool... 
We love y'all, take care of yerselves and we'll see you in a couple weeks, 
Love, paleo, Sweetie, Diva Bitch Cat and Punkboy

Sept. 30, 2013
Hope you're alright - I hear they are getting food trucks out to the smaller cities. Mom would have wanted you to eat. 
Things have settled down a little here. I managed to dispose of my brother-in-law, lucky I was sleeping with the gun under my pillow, who knows what he would have done had he caught me by surprise, but with the morgues and cemeteries overflowing I had to get creative. 
It was hard enough with sweetie leaving, but I was just questioned yesterday by agents from the North Shore Provisional People's Council - she and a person known only as Pat are the primary suspects in a series of church flagellations up by Ely. I called the couples next door, and they all called their other significant others, and when faced with that much queeritude they backed off, but then Roald up the street opened up in our general direction and it turned into a brief exchange before the agents headed to a friendly house. Gov. Dayton's Air Force dealt with them with extreme prejudice. The neighborhood has settled into smoldering peace of a sort. 
If the lake cools, I may go fishing. 
No one listened to Cassandra. The man across the street has declared Rastafarian Law and tried to sell me livestock. The cats chewed through the screen door and there are no birds or squirrels left, and actually, thinking about it, I haven't seen the fox kits that had been under the neighbor's shed. What have we done... 
I may head for you, if you can vouch for me at the border. I'll have to fluff it up a bit to make it through the Metro, so excuse the make-up when I see you.  
Watch out, bud.

This parody inspired by this delightful bit of loonacy. And Green Eggs and Ham. 

That's right! A very generous MFC supporter has agreed to a very generous matching gift, so every dollar you give to help MFC will be DOUBLED up to $10,000, from now through September 30th.

Why? They understand that our religious liberties that have been under attack for many years were further stripped away on August 1st, when same-sex “marriage” became law without any significant religious liberty protections.
Your gift of $25, $50, $100 or more to MFC will be doubled from now through midnight, Monday night, September 30th.

Note: There are more African Americans in this plea for funds then there are in the entire organization.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Culture Is My Beat

The finale of Broadchurch  and the 2009 film Strigoi. 

I'll start with Strigoi, available on Netflix, an indie film, (heavily accented) English language. A Strigoi* is a Romanian creature, part ghost, part demon, part vampire, part zombie, part every-other-damnable-bad-thingy, and one of the inspirations for Dracula by Bram Stoker. The film is a comedy-horror, focusing primarily on Constantin, a young villager, a failed physician, frighteningly addicted to cigarettes, who has returned from abroad after trying to make his way out into the world. The villagers have recently murdered a former apparatchik, who made himself rich by hook and crook, led by the mayor and priest, who want to solidify their own positions and keep their own cuts, and stuff doesn't exactly work the way they planned.

The movie does not move quickly. Constantin is followed, surrounded by assorted old world madness that he refuses to see. Eventually, he does what he has to, still not entirely sure of himself or the reality of what he's doing. 

It drew me in. Constantin is not much of a hero - in fact, he is treated poorly by all - just plods along, occasionally attempting to assert himself, never successfully. He does eventually win, more or less. I don't know why it pulled me in - Sweetie was somewhat less than impressed, I was just looking and waiting for what was next in line for the poor bastard.

I really did enjoy it, but I suspect I'm not typical audience, ie., Michael Bay should be beaten with a bag full of small thermonuclear weapons.

*The myths are broadly defined, differing slightly on a regional basis, and not really important to know for reviewing the film.

Oh, Broadchurch.  Broadchurch Broadchurch Broadchurch. Sweetie and I looked so forward to the denouement. I obviously can't deny it - I would not typically watch either a drama or police procedural without an additional draw, in this case, spot the Doctor Who actor. But after three episodes, we were very much in a state of, Is This Going Anywhere. Then one evening, purely by accident and On-Demand, we watched eps 4-6, then the next night 7, and then loudly cursed BBCAmerica for waiting a week for the last episode, we was wired.

Then, we got screwed with our pants on. And not in the good - wait, analogy fail.

Look, no spoilers, but the murderer was a bit of an asspull. The psychic dude - WTF. He gave nothing to the series, except for supposedly being, um, vindicated? Believed? Annoying?

There is a series 2 coming out, I suspect they have set up Tennant's character, DI Hardy, to not return, although the setting will remain the village of Broadchurch and at least a couple main characters are confirmed as returning. Please do better.

Dear Jesus, Please Let People Die Of Treatable Shit, I'll Just Blame The Dirty Messicans Anyhow

Seriously, for chrissakes, this woman is dumber than a sack of rotten grapefruit.

“You know who shows up,” Blitzer pressed after Bachmann said her oldest son is a physician. “These are people who don’t have health insurance, and we take care of them.”“Quite often it’s illegal aliens,” Bachmann responded. “Illegal aliens show up, so we the American taxpayer are picking up the tab for people who aren’t American citizens.”
Stupid fucking tool.

I went to emergency rooms any number of times during the years I went without insurance, often well after any long-term damage was already done, but I was tired of coughing/puking, which at that point would have stopped on its own within a few days. You know, the reason primary care physicians exist, and why everyone should have one, and why don't we have BLEEDIN' SINGLE PAYER?

Fucking Evil. Acid Eyes, and the Pubbies, and their merry band of scrotum suckers, are bloodthirsty fucking monsters.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Christ, I Seriously Can't Take Any More Fucking Gun Bullshit

An exchange in comments with a libertarian. I think I may hate libertoonians more than I hate republicans.
Nothing makes the party of life happier than death. They all need to be lobotomized - I ain't kidding. I fucking hate them, all of them. Anyone who has ever even looked at the R side of the ballot and did not immediately plunge an icepick into their own eyesocket is a useless fuck.

      • Steven Skelton
        The most important thing to do now is for everyone to blame their political opponents before anyone has any idea what happened.

        paleotectonics to Steven Skelton
        Tell you what - I won't blame your party. I'll just blame all cowardly gun fetishists with their 9mm penis replacements.

        Fuck all of them, fuck all guns, fuck the group of people (note: not specifying the party ) who love spilt blood. Fuck this.

        Steven Skelton to paleotectonics
        It saddens me that you think there are people who love spilt blood.

        Every gun owner I know hopes that they will never have to shoot another human being.

        Granted, I don't know all of them....but nonetheless..

        Schneibster to Steven Skelton

        How many is that, twelve or so?

        Do you know what "systematic bias" is?

        paleotectonics to Schneibster
        Nicely played, cap'n. Thanks.

        paleotectonics to Steven Skelton
        Aw, gee, your concern warms the cockles of my heart, or maybe my pancreas, I'm not a internist, just I know its something that would bleed me out if someone shot it.

        Every gun owner I know hopes that they will never have to shoot another human being until someone really needs killing, then, WHOOOEEEE!

        12 people, you monster. 12 FUCKING PEOPLE just off doing their jobs, but because you can't get hard without inhaling cordite, oh well!


    Sunday, September 15, 2013

    Weekend Post-Mortem

    First of all, without going to deeply into it, and with actually not much direct reason, I hate the world.

    •  By direct reason, I should specify that on a good day I want every person breathing (and some not - they should be dug up first) beaten severely and repeatedly.

    No, this is something else, a bit more primal. I can, at this moment, stand about 3 people and my cats.
    This post may be colored by my perception that people are probably lizards, and that there is some fine eating on a gecko.

    Wisconsin - Assholezuna State:
    We've all seen the video, typical behaviour of a ref on the take. These guys should be fired, blacklisted, crated up and sent to Kamchatka, where they might make reasonably functional port ice inspectors on Sakhalin Is.
    It is what it is, NCAA is corrupt as shit, the PAC-12 ref's saw a chance to make a bonus payment to whatever mob family held their grandmothers in cold storage, fuck them all.

    Minnesota - Chicago:
    In a perfect world, dozens of federal agents blow through the locker room doors, drag both teams off to work farms, where, as quasi NFL athletes, they would have made excellent cobblers, or nuclear-weapon-proof vest testers. As it is, I need Minnesota to, twice a year, not suck. As usual, they failed.
    Exciting enough game however.
    Note: Cutler will be a passable QB this year again only until the Bears lose and he turns on his coach, OC, and O-Line. This guess does not make me psychic, it simply means I've read the sports news on a semi-regular basis.

    Green Bay Packers - Washington Crackers:
    I really need a football package on cable. MN, being a non-NFL state, insists on broadcasting some local-yokel semi-pro team. Fuck the NFL, fuck cable, fuck every fucking criminal politician and Tony Soprano fellator that sold this state out for a new stadium for these clowns.
    The stats from the Packer game are wonderful, just empty and sorta meaningless. Fucking Masthay's shanked punt in the forth - work farm, cobbler, etc.

    Fuck everything. Except, Sodastream Root Beer. And this:

    Saturday, September 14, 2013

    Saturday Night Non-ESPN-Wankers Football Post

    Wisconsin - AssholeZona State:
    Gary Andersen's first real test - the Sun Devils do not suck, and this is a tough game (they can't help where they are from, although in fact if any of the players had any integrity they'd go to state with an automatic death penalty for Joe Arpaio).  (I do have to say that it is nice to see a non-conference game against an actual competitive football team, as opposed to playing UNLV, Westchester Amalgamated (MA), and New Richmond Taxidermy and Hair Care).

    • Point to ponder - why does WI always get Bob Useless Griese, the Dumbest Man In Football, with a 32 IQ accent, and an enormous hate-on for WI for years? Someone drop a bridge on him.
    Minnesota - Western Illinois:
    Jerry Kill has HIS 4TH SEIZURE DURING A GAME. 4TH SEIZURE. WHILE COACHING. A GAME. Why has the MN insurance company not asked, um, anything? 4 goddamn seizures. This is not anything against epilepsy, I assure you. But Jerry Kill may be a saint, a guru, a pure thought form - he still don't belong on a football field.
    • Point to ponder - how many electrodes, placed where, and how much electricity does it take to animate the overrated corpse of Lou Holtz?
    Nebraska -UCLA:
    To my mother-in-law, to my brother-in-law, and to the stupidest human being alive, Ndamakong Suh, allow me to say

    Notre Dame - Purdue:
    Notre Dame. Notre Dame. Notre Dame. Nuff said. Bunch of rapists who don't deserve a minute of TV time. Yes, I know, all college football players are criminal rapist scum who do NOT BELONG in college, with people trying to get an education. But Notre Dame is treated by the media as something special. FUCK THEM.

    Packers vs. Washington Klan:
    If the Washington players had any integrity they would demand a name change or a trade. They won't. They are football players and thus not too bright. Well, basically stupid. That being said, facing another good running game and a mobile quarterback, another annoying game. Please, dear FSM - I know we are not allowed for some reason to run block, but for Rodgers' sake could we at least pass block?

    Don't know why I even pay attention any more. Fuck all these people, useless drags on society. Its become more of a habit - none of these shitheads, owners, players, National Fuck-all League, give a fuck about the fans, not one weenciest fuck, not even the throwaway promise of a reacharound.