Just for fun, relaxing a touch, great Twin Cities band, Boiled In Lead.
Off of ORB, early 1990s, and get it if you see it, really...
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Friday, September 7, 2012
Vignette From An Arizona Courtroom
The judge looked down from the bench at the pathetic figure in the chair. This was going to be rough, these cases always were. But, Duty. With a soft rap of the gavel and a bit of a cough, the judge said, “We need to hear your story.” And quietly, “Sorry.”
The figure in the chair tried to straighten up, tried to regain whatever dignity possible. Failing, and slumping, “Well, your honor, at first I noticed the breasts and long hair. But, with my training, I know hippies have long hair, and some overweight men, and most male bodybuilders, have large, round, firm, umm, oiled pecs, and ummm…” Voice fading for a moment, and returning with some determination, “Oh, ummm, I couldn’t be certain it was deformed-“
The judge interrupted, “Deformed?”
“Yes, your honor, two X chromosomes. Ummm, well, the eight beers I’d had before I drove over had my vaginy-senses tingling, and I was suspicious, and figured I best check. So I decided to feel at the crotchal area, and if I found a, ummm, “ whispering, ”hoo-ha”, turning bright red, defensive, “I’d take it back to its master, really, that’s all, I was trying to protect it! Then these socialist bouncers threw me out and called the police-“
The judge murmured, “- Oh god, not another, no, damn –“
“And my chief, I thought he was a good man, but he fired me, and I’m about to lose my house, and these –“ grimacing “- people want to put me away, and –“
With palm to forehead, the judge said “You poor thing -”
“- and I know, judge, thanks, but I just want to put this behind me and get back to my life, please, your honor.”
“Of course, you scamp, get outta here, with the apologies of the court!” Justice always felt so good! Turning to the victim,
“Now, young lady, I hope you’ve learned your lesson about being where you shouldn’t be, outside is for men, and since you were in a bar, you clearly have no moral foundation. Right there, your parents, crying! I mean, you really deserved this!”
Jeebuz, what a sick twisted little fantasy -where do I come up with this shit, what’d I eat, can you have a mushroom flashback, 20 years later, I –
Sweetie: (unintelligible)
paleo: “What’s that babe?”
Sweetie: “Look at ThinkProgress…”
paleo: “What? No… Really? What. The. Fucking. Fuck."
Judge Lashes Out At Assault Victim
The figure in the chair tried to straighten up, tried to regain whatever dignity possible. Failing, and slumping, “Well, your honor, at first I noticed the breasts and long hair. But, with my training, I know hippies have long hair, and some overweight men, and most male bodybuilders, have large, round, firm, umm, oiled pecs, and ummm…” Voice fading for a moment, and returning with some determination, “Oh, ummm, I couldn’t be certain it was deformed-“
The judge interrupted, “Deformed?”
“Yes, your honor, two X chromosomes. Ummm, well, the eight beers I’d had before I drove over had my vaginy-senses tingling, and I was suspicious, and figured I best check. So I decided to feel at the crotchal area, and if I found a, ummm, “ whispering, ”hoo-ha”, turning bright red, defensive, “I’d take it back to its master, really, that’s all, I was trying to protect it! Then these socialist bouncers threw me out and called the police-“
The judge murmured, “- Oh god, not another, no, damn –“
“And my chief, I thought he was a good man, but he fired me, and I’m about to lose my house, and these –“ grimacing “- people want to put me away, and –“
With palm to forehead, the judge said “You poor thing -”
“- and I know, judge, thanks, but I just want to put this behind me and get back to my life, please, your honor.”
“Of course, you scamp, get outta here, with the apologies of the court!” Justice always felt so good! Turning to the victim,
“Now, young lady, I hope you’ve learned your lesson about being where you shouldn’t be, outside is for men, and since you were in a bar, you clearly have no moral foundation. Right there, your parents, crying! I mean, you really deserved this!”
Jeebuz, what a sick twisted little fantasy -where do I come up with this shit, what’d I eat, can you have a mushroom flashback, 20 years later, I –
Sweetie: (unintelligible)
paleo: “What’s that babe?”
Sweetie: “Look at ThinkProgress…”
paleo: “What? No… Really? What. The. Fucking. Fuck."
Judge Lashes Out At Assault Victim
Monday, September 3, 2012
Republican Douchenozzle Of The Millenium
Contest is closed, we are as close to peak wingnut as we shall ever be.
Eric Cantor, Majority Leader.
Ummm, missed the point by that much.
Labor Day is about people, the workers who enable your
little Randian dreams. The one day a year where maybe, just maybe, you could
show the American worker the teensiest bit of respect.
But you can’t, can you, Mr. Cantor?
At the end of the day, when you’ve unstuck your lips from
the genitalia of your puppeteers, do you ever look in the mirror?
Bet you can’t do that, either.
Geek Out! Shoop-adoop, Shoop-a-Doop...
AWESOMENESS.
This is why teh intratubes exist.*
Also, too, and so very important:
Happy Labor Day! Brought to you by the UNION.
Thank a UNION worker. Become a UNION worker. Look for the UNION label. Buy American. Please.
This is why teh intratubes exist.*
Also, too, and so very important:
Happy Labor Day! Brought to you by the UNION.
Thank a UNION worker. Become a UNION worker. Look for the UNION label. Buy American. Please.
*h/t erik
Sunday, September 2, 2012
From Jan. 2001 - The Paleo Files
This is a short story I wrote in Jan 2001, a bit of a trip thingy (I had several I was proud of but have only found the one - dammit), when I thought I could maybe be a young Tom Wolfe, or Dr. Thompson. In retrospect, it was more like PJ O'Rourke before he went full lunatic. I'm still proud of it, some good stuff, but if I think I'm wordy now, holy dammit, I've come a long way...
There is a chance that there is some exaggeration.
No pics, hell, I wonder if I still have any. Tis a bit long, but I think, enjoyable.
There is a chance that there is some exaggeration.
No pics, hell, I wonder if I still have any. Tis a bit long, but I think, enjoyable.
Remodel Blogging - Week One
It was a dark and stormy night...
Nope. Cliche. Fart.
I guess the best way to start would be to restate, for the record, the First Law of paleo:
Anyone who does not know what they are doing, please stop now. Get advice, get help, read a book. Goddammit.
Take notes, this will come up again.
I took the week off to do the prep work, emptying the basement and such, and the electrical demo, and electrical separation of the basement from the ground floor. Grand plans were made, vast amounts of beer were laid into handy caches throughout the property, sandwich meat in a handy cache called the fridge. Stereo and iPod set up with maximum goodness and volume. Tools, scattered hither and yon from my last project, were sorted back into their ever-so-handy pouches and bags, dremel bits, sabre-saw bits, a vast array of electrical raw material, wire, boxes, a couple other neat widgets I wanted that I snuck into the budget. A storage pod was rented to hold whatever we could not hold inside the house. Friends and family warned that paleo was not going to be in a good mood, as when he is working, he's not happy unless he's not happy. Let's dance, muthers.
Nope. Cliche. Fart.
I guess the best way to start would be to restate, for the record, the First Law of paleo:
Anyone who does not know what they are doing, please stop now. Get advice, get help, read a book. Goddammit.
Take notes, this will come up again.
I took the week off to do the prep work, emptying the basement and such, and the electrical demo, and electrical separation of the basement from the ground floor. Grand plans were made, vast amounts of beer were laid into handy caches throughout the property, sandwich meat in a handy cache called the fridge. Stereo and iPod set up with maximum goodness and volume. Tools, scattered hither and yon from my last project, were sorted back into their ever-so-handy pouches and bags, dremel bits, sabre-saw bits, a vast array of electrical raw material, wire, boxes, a couple other neat widgets I wanted that I snuck into the budget. A storage pod was rented to hold whatever we could not hold inside the house. Friends and family warned that paleo was not going to be in a good mood, as when he is working, he's not happy unless he's not happy. Let's dance, muthers.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Like Jon Stewart Needs Pimping - But Still, W00t!!1!
Ever had Cheerios go through your nose? Ow. This is bleedin' awesome!
"...the perfect gender for a wife." AAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"...the perfect gender for a wife." AAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)