Mark III - Of Course I Start With A Rant

Hi!

Okay, now that that is done...

On another blog, the question was raised:

I hear you but I'm talking about true believers. Is there some level of moral correctness or some social endpoint that a Republican sees that is so beneficial? Has any social scientist or polling outfit done this? What is their dream state? What's it look like to them?

My answer:

So, Republicans hit their first goal, theocracy. Abortion is illegal, the gays are executed, the atheists are executed, dug up, and executed again, anyone failing the Stay-Puft test is enslaved, women are enslaved, TurboJesus comes back and whacks the Jews. Yay them.

Then a crack appears.

The Southern Baptists and most Independent churches hate the Catholics. Nearly as much as they hate the above groups. Whelp, gotta go. Streets get slippery again.

Episcopalians? Waffling fucks. They were never TRULY on board with the abortion/gay/atheist/POC/women/Jews purge. These puddles are getting deep, and does anyone recommend a good laundry detergent for bloodstains on doubleknit slacks?

Amish, Mennonites, Quakers, all 14 Shakers left? 144,000 Jehovah's Witnesses? FUCKERSI mean, they're weird. Move to higher ground, resume operations.

Methodists. A bunch of thugs, pugs, and mugs. Nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers. Hey Most Right Reverend Robertson?! No, not you Pat, Phil, Phil has some upper body strength. My arm is getting tired, can you do axe duty today? Plus I wrenched my back when my foot skidded out from under me on that last swing.

The Non-Denoms. You know, they really don't say Jesus much. It's all Purpose Driven this, Your Best that. We can't take any chances, we're getting so close. No more high ground though, do you think we can find some wellies in the husk of the Anglican church?

PROSPERITY BASTARDSI mean, apostates. Never even once heard them speak in the angelic language humminahummina. Nope. Look, goddamnit-er, gee golly, Benny, I've sharpened this axe so much it's a toothpick. Do you have a pocket knife or a dive bomber?

Okay, okay, good. 50,000 of us, plus, you know, slaves, concubines. Concubine slaves. Great government. Heaven on earth. Of course, Franklin is getting a bit big for his britches, I'm not sure how godly he is... 

Not Sure If I Should Feel Guilty About The Laughter

Guten Tag.

So, I occasionally work with someone who told us that the primary VA facility in the Twin Cities was hiring building engineers. Another person present for the conversation perked up, and was so asked if they'd be willing to work at the VA, and replied very positively, "Yeah, I heard the new guy has a lot of great ideas and is gonna shape things up, absolutely!"

This guy.

I won't predict if he'll be confirmed - the Congressional Republicans to a person are either corrupt, traitors, or corrupt traitors. Full fucking stop. (In my state's house, it's mostly corruption and theocratic fascism, although they certainly took advantage of treasonous activities by federal level Republicans.) They may confirm him just because they don't care and they know it will infuriate those of us who think that the VA, not to mention the rest of the federal government, should maybe take it upon themselves to help and improve the country as a whole.

What I know for certain about Admiral Jackson:

He's never run anything approaching a civil bureaucracy

Whether under presidential order or not, he lied his ass off at his presentation on the Anus' health. Not to mention peppering it with nonsense like 'excellent genetics'.

He has no business in that position. Supposing he has 'great ideas', good luck getting funding from the avaricious bloodthirsty monsters in the federal Republican caucuses.Supposing he wants to 'shape things up':

This guy.

To recap, I occasionally work with someone who told us that the primary VA facility in the Twin Cities was hiring. Another person present, when asked if they'd be willing to work at the VA, said, "Yeah, I heard the new guy has a lot of great ideas and is gonna shape things up, absolutely!"

Okay, it's maybe very dark and inappropriate laughter, as the Tangerine Dickweed is trying once again to fuck someone, but
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Oh, and this EVERY UPCOMING ELECTION FOR ANYTHING is EVERYTHING.

VOTE, GODDAMMIT.  

 

 

Not Just Politics, In Terms Of Process, Sean Spicer Is A Failure

There is a suit coming over the Tangerine Tumor's tweets. Specifically, can the dipshit block people on Twitter. Columbia thinks it's a First Amendment issue. Sure, this is lower on the scale of Donny's World Class Gold-Plated Monkey Fucking A Football Theme Park, considering Comey's testimony yesterday, but it is yet another instance of, well, ongoing coverup of everything the stupid son-of-a-bitch does. "YAY! He eats Kentucky Fried Chicken! Wait, he declared war on Themyscira??!?" 

The case may have been in a little bit of a grey area, hinging on the fine line between @RealDependsWearer versus @POTUS45, but then here comes Sean Idiot Spicer.

Mini-Goebbels stated that Trump’s tweets are “official statements by the president of the United States.”

Before I go into this, please note, this post is about process, not personal political feelings. I'm a political addict and so view politics not merely as an constant droning clusterfuck designed to make people suffer, but also in game terms. The elections are my Super Bowl. Unless the Packers are in it, then the Super Bowl is my Super Bowl. 

My strongest personal feeling is that Orange Zika is a monster and needs to be removed from office, so keep that in mind when I look at the game.

Professionalism.

This is on of the things that drives me craziest about Spicer. Not the lies, the whiny-ass tantrums, credentialing alt-right dickheads and sitting them in the Press Room.

Tony Snow and Ari Fleischer lied like monsters, daily.

Tantrums? Look at footage of Ziegler. Fleischer with his threats of concentration camping journos - "Best be careful of what you write, Winston".

Crap-ass journalists - Fleischer allowed Jeff Guckert/Gannon, or whatever name he used during those long policy discussions in Rove's dungeon in the gimp suit. Ed goddammit Henry, useless git. Anyone that Sinclair has ever put in there.

All these peckerheads were good at their jobs.

Yeah, their jobs were to spin and obfuscate, but they were professionals. They protected the President.

Spicey has horrendously screwed his boss on a number of occasions, including this one. The statement about President Asterisk and his tweets being official government statements ended this court action right then and there. Columbia wins going away. Yes, Lil' Seany is a bad person, but as a political junkie, what drives me about 3/4 nuts is that he really sucks at his job. What is he going to do when it's not fluff?

He has no business being in that position. Amateur hour. Just horseshit at it. If you're going to fucking lie to me, I'd appreciate it if you did it with some style or professionalism. Fleischer got away with actual physical threats to the press because he knew how to do it. Snow got away with his unending Gish Gallop by being actually good at it. Ziegler was a good flack because he could hold two completely polar positions within 30 seconds and keep moving, he controlled the room. Hell, no matter what else you may say about Conway, Kristallnacht Barbie, she is a really good political person. She had a huge part in this election. If she were capable of, if she had, used her talents for good, I'd nominate her for sainthood. Spicer is really bad at this. The political junkie in me finds him horribly inept. We HAVE to pay attention to him. He can't simply be dismissed. But were it not that position, I wouldn't spit on him if he were on fire. In terms of the game, the addict in me thinks he's not worth the electrons.

The patriot in me thinks he needs to be dragged out of town by his little toes and fed to the alligators.

I Don't Feel As If I've Been Fully Understood

So, much like every SuperBatSpiderman movie, it's time to try a reboot. Let's hope we get paleoRaimi, as opposed to "I Kill What I Touch" Snyder.

There will be a few changes in layout, linkage, and such, but content should only change insofar as there will be more of it, in shorter chunks. Make excuse navelgaze shout subtle plea for ego-massage manly tears.

Ok, so.

JScar, the Morning Joke, betrothen to his next victim bride, a man who can be found by following the trail of the dead, is artfully walking a slackline of support/excoriation of an oddly-hued bugfucker named Donald. 'Oh, please, Mr. Asslips, do a better, subtler job of screwing people! Oh please, Randroid church humpers, gag Mr. Asslips so that you may resume subtly screwing people!" he exclaims on a daily basis.

“The president of the United States just admitted, on national television, that he called the director of the FBI to get an update on the status of a possible criminal investigation against him,” Scarborough said.

I skrev:

Dear Intern Killer, 

First, congratulations on your engagement. Do you have the funeral planned yet? 

Second, I read this statement out loud to Siri, that sexxxy minx. She said,"No, the Intern Killer still owns him. He shares a huge amount of blame for the end of normal. Tell him congratulations on his engagement. Does he have the funeral planned yet?" 

Hold the toaster over your head as you get into the bathtub, and please be careful, if you slip you may throw the toaster clear of the water. 

Love, paleo

I wonder if honesty should be the best policy, instead of courtesy...

The Women's March on Washington and Sister Marches: THANK YOU!

I've had strep all week and so am unable to be at the St. Paul Sister March. I am not happy about this. But, I am watching on CSPAN, and it is cool. A wonderful turnout, and following Twatter, there are huge demonstrations for every Sister.

Ashley Judd just preached, an amazing speech, a nasty speech - what we lost when she halted her race against Mitch 'The Human Foreskin' McConnell. Force of nature.


Michael Moore leaned a bit heavy on Bernie Bronishness, but he was not totally wrong - we liberals need to get involved, need to get busy, need to push and reform the Democratic Party. Full disclosure, I caucused for Sen. Sanders, but enthusiastically supported Sec'y Clinton in the general. However, she is done, and it is time for new, and ideally more vicious blood.

The Orange Moron is attending his 'prayer service', broadcast on MSNBC. We can't see the earbuds playing the soundtrack from 'My SEXXXY Daughter'.  Fuck MSNBC. I need a news network with fewer Tweetys and Intern Killers. Take Joy, Lawrence, Rachel, Hayes, and a couple others and get them their own network.

I was raised Catlick, and turned on Mother Church fairly savagely as a result. But the one positive memory of uniformed schooling was the nuns. I don't knock nuns, at all - they were generally pretty chill and lived their faith, not doctrine, but actual faith, with a call to service for people. The last speaker was Sister Simone Campbell of Nuns on the Bus, and she was brief and to the point and needs actual Sainthood.

Cecile Richards is now raising the roof. Go get 'em!

Senators Gillebrand, Harris (NEW!) and Duckworth (NEW! ALSO BIONIC!), just barnburners!

Got to Patton Oswalt's feed @PattonOswalt - much fun is being had at the expense of the punched Nazi. I don't advocate physical violence in 99.999% of anything. But NaziPunching? This should become a trend!

Also, go to Are You Sorry Yet, a tumblr, shockingly tentacle porn-free, of Trumpanzees realizing they've been conned. Good humor!

Drumpf Solves World Peace, Brangelina; Batboy Bobbled Brady's Balls

Breakfast time, Sunday morning. 

On weekends, I get to make fancier brunches than my weekday protein and frothy fruity shakes. Imma want cauliflower with onion fried in chile/lime olive oil (a homemade infusion, I'm trying to get a bit crunchier) with apple-chicken sausage and scrambled eggs. Checking the refrigertator, except the oil I got about none of that. 

Off to Cub, doop-doop-de-doop, shoppity-shop, I feel my plaid pajama bottoms are not congruous with the families coming home from church, bobbidybap, at checkout, 

HOLY BALLS!

Iwon'tthrowupIwon'tthrowup

A lot of people see this rag since it is featured prominently, top shelf, front of the checkout, in every grocer in the country. The publisher, some cat name of David Pecker, famously friendly to the Illegitimate President-Elect of the US, Comrade Gropenfuhrer. 

Over the years, the Enquirer has gotten a few very high-profile things right. Enough that it is not immediately discounted even by people who should know better. Hell, I've said, when they reported something I find favorable, "Well, hey, they were right on John Edwards, they were right on Limbaugh being a junkie, they were right on the Cosby kid."

This attitude ignores much.

It ignores that although they were right in some cases, each of those instances started out as hatchet jobs. The Enquirer somehow stumbled erection first through a minefield of mousetraps and found a patty-melt with tots. Yay them.

It ignores that in these FEW instances where the Enquirer was actually right, they were memorable because the Enquirer is so often;  

• incredibly wrong
• doing meaningless fluff
• 4 words: Make Money At Home
• 
  

You don't remember the headlines about Princess Diana's long-lost evil twin, Jehosaphialy Duggar, being the secret brains behind the burgeoning Hollywood conservative movement of Vince Vaughn, Gary Sinese, Mel Gibson, and Meatloaf, because they weren't quite as correct.

Here, though, positioned prominently as you stand in line with your loaves and fishes, is one of the few pictures of the Shitgibbon where he does not look like a big toe with some form of Orange Foot Rot. Giving him an early promotion to POTUS, the walking Cheetoh is seen promising war on, and death to, the Yellow Peril and 'the evil a-rabs'*, as his frothing cult exults in madness. Finding the real hackers? His inbred mouth-breathing acolytes couldn't define hacking, much less piece together the breadcrumbs leading to the GRU/FSB actors behind it. They just think "Well, Abby and McGee can type with four hands on the keyboard faster than the hacker, so we win!" 

All I'm saying is that, suppose we get the major hard news outlets to remember to afflict the comfortable, and comfort the afflicted?

In print circulation, the Enquirer is quite competitive with all of the legacy organs, WaPo, NYTimes, Dallas Morning News. We still have a long way to go.

*No, the irony of 'the evil a-rabs' when the Persians would in fact be the original Aryans, so celebrated by these Nazi scumbags, does not escape me.

______________________________________________

Now, for the greater question.

IS BATBOY IMPLICATED IN 'DEFLATEGATE'?

Yes. Quo Vadis, bitches.

My Urinalysis Of The Orange STD's Latest Kerfuffle

Okay, so President-Elect Kompromat just got involved in Golden Shower-gate. Everyone is having either a great deal of fun or a great deal of 'Ewwww' over Drumpf's gold medal in Watersports.

I have a different tack, certainly probably not original to me, but I think I'm right.

Most are focusing on the sexual preversion angle. I don't see it that way. As I read it,

The FSB, it said, “employed a number of prostitutes to perform a golden showers (urination) show in front of him.” Not only that, according to the report’s anonymous Russian sources, Trump deliberately chose for his escapade “the Ritz Carlton hotel, where he knew President and Mrs. Obama (whom he hated) had stayed on one of their official trips to Russia and defiling the bed where they had slept.”

There is a sexual subculture into urination, the terms 'watersports' and 'Golden Showers' have been around much longer than CNN or Buzzfeed. Okay, fine, whatever floats your little man in the boat, not my gig but doesn't confront me. And The Tangelo Terror is certainly a bad damn guy, alleged rapist, admitted to sexual assault. Without a doubt, he got some tittilation out of degrading eastern European women. I suddenly feel a bit bad for Malaria, her life must be absolute hell.

But that last clause:
Trump deliberately chose for his escapade “the Ritz Carlton hotel, where he knew President and Mrs. Obama (whom he hated) had stayed on one of their official trips to Russia and defiling the bed where they had slept.”

Sexual gratification was not at all his goal. This was an act of revenge, of violence, of hatred, of disrespect. It's

"I'll piss on your grave"

writ large.

This is far worse than "ohhhh, hee hee hee, Imma dirty boy, hugely bigly!" 

This is the act of a sociopath, an undisciplined spoiled child. 

As a secondary point, he is SO easily manipulated, manipulable. And his legion of doof eats all this up. We are about to be 'led' by Damien.

Yay us. 

I Don't Even Want To Buy Charlotte Church Albums, Dammit!

Charlotte Church spit on the Shitgibbon's transition team, who approached her to sing. She responded absolutely loverly, to wit,

@realDonaldTrump Your staff have asked me to sing at your inauguration, a simple Internet search would show I think you're a tyrant. Bye💩💩💩💩

— Charlotte Church (@charlottechurch) January 10, 2017

Okay, so first, I have to learn to like Welsh opera. Lotta consonants, goddammit lotta consonants, something along the lines of 'La Tradyydfiatddyfyata'.

But, I must inform the writer of this link, Mr. Brad Reed, who scribed

Unlike most singers asked to perform at the inauguration, however, Church didn’t just politely turn down Trump’s request in private.

Hey, ummm, boss? For the record, she was being polite. 

The Welsh would bow only to the Scots in the creative usage of language to call you a schmuck. And then only after a long brawl.

The Orange Twerp Applies Miniature Hands To Twitter and Hoodwinks His Sycophants

The House of Representatives, at the behest on Rep. Bob Goodlatte, fresh off of inbreeding, attempted to gut an independent ethics panel. After we, The People, got involved, they held off until it could be a less visible pile of bullshit.

The Orange STD, in his chosen method of 140-character communication, called it only "not a priority". In other words, let it be a less visible pile of bullshit. (Warning - CNN, the CNN of network news, has a goddammit autoplay.)

There are those who call it Teh Shitgibbon being vaguely presidential.

DO NOT GIVE THIS SALTED PILE OF FLAMING ASSHOLES AN EVEN BREAK.

He twattered well after the deal was going down in flames. Up to that time, his people:

• Defended it vociferously because a congressional watchdog was watching the dog
• Claimed that yanking the teeth of the Ethics panel was an exercise in efficient dentistry
• (By the way, MarshaMarshaMarsha always been an goddammit demon.)
• At the same time that the Tangelo Twatwaffle injected himself very carefully into the debate because he has excellent handlers, he was McCarthying Homeland Security

Screw him with his tiny, tiny gloves on. Not my president. #MinorityPresident. Lost by 2.9 million votes. Suck a tailpipe, twerp.

This Is Malfeasance? Seriously? Hush, Stupid Person.

On New Years Eve, as the Sweetie and I watched Holidays*, CNN did some sort of broadcast that unfortunately did not involve

• sacrificing Seacrest to a shambling mound, 
• mincing him in a Magic Bullet one small part at a time
  

• anything else fun.

However, it would seem that we missed one Mr. Don Lemon, hack extraordinaire, getting his Cuervo on. And getting his ear pierced. At the behest of one Ms. Kathy Griffin, who at a minimum should be on Mt. Rushmore. He did retain some control, as apparently he mostly remained standing, and only pierced his ear, as opposed to Dremel-ing a superfluous hole in his schwanzstuckë and calling himself Prince Albert Lemon.

As 2017 casts its fate to the loonicidal bedwetting inbreds, or as I like to call them, teh Orange Shitgibbon's base, the fecal circus started with a beaut: One Soledad O'Brien decided that this little vignette was "a very low bar for credibility."

Errr. Ummm, Sole, please to be looking at links following this request:

• Reporters visit Mar-a-Lardo off the record for Rimjob Finals. Place your bets - Dancing David Gregory? Wall Street Journal?

• The man who has never answered all the questions about Lori Klausitis, and his mistress, getting their due desserts from the 13 month fluffing they gave The Syphilitic Tangelo.
• And, of course: “But it is better for the news because the ratings will be better. There is so much controversy going on with it.” This would be Lemon really upholding journalistic standards.

But a guy getting groovy, and snarky, looking for a nice guy to mack on, on TV, with Kathy Griffin, is a journalistic lowpoint?

Go 'way, now, ma'am.

*I would advise you watch as well, with a lack of chemical goodness in your bloodstream because Holy Gigafuck Jesus Bunny!

I'm Now Motivated

You may be able to tell by the rate of typing letters and suchlike that I am once again on an actual computerish widget. I have fought through the Swap of Symantec. With a single arm. Tied behind my back. And an extremely patient wife. I have located, created, forgotten, recreated 30 seconds before remembering, enough passwords to make this thing show me naked pictures of Bigfoot.

 I can once again pump out nonsense at nearly a lot more speed. So...

Dear World,

Game on.

Love,

paleo

Cheetoh Hitler Abandons Wife And Some Spawn

Couple of stories I must address, because although I am a somewhat vicious polemicist, I kinda value accuracy and fairness. Linking on a phone is difficult, but you've seen the stories about Hairpiece McSyphilis not knowing that he had to staff the White House, and that Methylsulfate was staying in New York with the youngest orange child?

Goddammit, don't make me approach defending this bewigged asshole AT ALL, but I have to say a couple things... Don't worry, there is an attack at the end, 'cuz me.

Teh Orange STD, for worse (and, unfortunately for us, better - he got elected sort of), refused to hire any of the sorts of professional political people who know about things like staffing the White House. President Obama probably did not know that either, but he had actual knowledgeable people around him who did, ie. not anyone named Omarosa.

Malaria demonstrated that she is well out of her depth - even Laura Bush, a largely apolitical woman (no, not entirely, I know), was a much more effective campaign representative for Pres. DryDrunk McOedipalComplex than Melanoma was for her husband. She, deservedly so, got blasted repeatedly. Maybe she has just recognized her limitations. Maybe she just wants to hide. Not really an option for FLOTUS, but perhaps. I don't have a great deal of sympathy, but teh human brain etc. etc.

BUT: huge anger about the child staying in NYC. Most pols put their kids in Sidwells because it is already set up and equipped for a presidential level security detail, and it is a normal situation for all the kids there. Now, we, the taxpayers, have to lash out that fantastic amount of money to do it for some private school in NYC, disrupting the hell out of everything and everybody, for a likely 5 mo. period? Fuck that. 

The Cheerleading Post

We are very close to being terminally screwed.

Yes, paleo is squeaking about the 2016 election cycle.

Briefly, let’s review. I was on Team Sanders. (Yes, you may kill me for using that phraseological construction. Please wait until I vote.) I had no particular issue with Sec’y Clinton, other than she has always seemed to be somewhat to the right of me. I didn’t expect Sen. Sanders to win, he is not nearly the politician she is (to get elected, being a competent politician is helpful, and I will not use the word ‘politician’ as a pejorative – Keith Ellison is a polished politician, as is Russ Feingold, as is President Obama. Being a bad person does not comment upon your political skills; it just says you’re a douchebag, or a ‘Ryan’), and he got stomped (yes, stomped – by 3 million primary votes, and by being nearly shut out in states that had primaries, as opposed to caucuses). However, I believed he would be invaluable in pulling the Democratic Party back to the left. In general, save the gun thing, I preferred his politics.

Sec’y Clinton won the nom, and I’m fine with that. DO NOT GET OVERCONFIDENT, but I expect her to win. I’m fine with that. Actually, learning more about her during this run (there is a Frontline biography on her, part of a special on both candidates' biographies) that shows her to be quite a remarkable person. And hearing her on the stump, and watching her on the debates, I’m content.

Trump was, remains, and will continue to be a human shitnado, assault/pedophilia/creepitude allegations or not, he’s a monster. Everyone knew this even before the recent revelations, including Malaria, but don’t cry for her, she’s getting her silver. He could be a saint around women, but every other aspect of his life STILL shows him to be a jackal. This ‘alpha-male’ shit is the fucking awful capstone, but he was never human in the first place.

Gary Johnson may be the single least informed, deliberately least curious public figure of today. Dumb as a brick. And fucking evil. Jill Stein has a coterie of assistants with metering equipment to make sure there are no aerosolized vaccines in her air supply. Evan McMullin? No. Srsly. Who in hell is Evan McMullin?

"Bloody hell, paleo, you seem almost vaguely upbeat! Why, then, would consider us to be near existential fuckitude?"

Glad you asked.

There is the obvious. The worthless hillbillies who would throw themselves in front of a train for Trump, if only so SmallHands could grab their daughters’ genitalia, ain’tn’t going gently into that good night. These people are freaks, violent, and frequently armed. They will not accept a Trump loss (“oh oh oh it was fixed by n****r Jewish sp**s who want to teach f****t evolathiesm to our white children”), they will respond in the only way they know – lashing out and trying to kill anything that scares them. With education, there is hope for their grandchildren, but a 60 year-old skinhead-in-all-but-name cannot be reasoned with.

What must be added, and is in fact the more important issue, is on the meta-level. With Sec’y Clinton having a respectable lead and a likely win by the scientific poll aggregators, I have been hearing the folks in my camp say things to the effect of ‘Okay, soon it will finally be over’.

No, it won’t soon be over.

Democracy does not end at the voting booth. And we all have to hold everyone's feet to the fire. Always. Building a civil society is a crappile of work. We must all stay involved, constantly, starting right at the local level.

Let your school board know that religion and education don't mix. Let your city council know about that needed stoplight and upgraded sewer system. Let your state rep know that MN needs statewide broadband and public transportation. Let your federal reps know that everyone on Wall Street is scum and needs to go to jail until they can be swept up and put in a dustbin. Were Sen. Sanders to have become the President, I'd be screaming at him daily about guns.

Keep pushing every day.

When you vote, go home, and say, ‘okay, done my duty’, you fail democracy. If everyone votes, goes home, and says, okay, done my duty’, democracy fails.

There are a helluva lot more people on Team Terminally Screwed (again, words do not lend themselves to goddammit Twilight-fan memes. Kill me on November 9).

Vote, you bastards. (Vote Democratic at all levels should be understood, but nevertheless, vote.) And then start calling and writing. We have emails – no more stamps, folks. Phone plans with unlimited minutes. Supporters of Sen. Sanders – he made an amazing showing. If you want the D’s to move left, take that energy and get involved. Stay involved. Run for dog-catcher, then city council, then mayor, then Congress, and keep going so I can crabass at you electronically in 10 years. I’m old and tired, and can only give some campaign money and write this nonsense to my audience of 3.1415927 individual readers, so work hard for Uncle paleo in his dotage. Please.

First, though, start with voting.

Politics Is The Art Of Turning Lunacy Into Policy

Seeing a lot of Democratic Party cannibalism these days. What the hell I don't even...

So, I supported Sanders through most of the primary, he in fact won the MN primary. I did this knowing that he was not and never would really be a member of the Democratic Party (Sec'y Clinton has done the rubber chicken circuit for Dems for years) and knowing he was a gunhumper (Sec'y Clinton is very much not). I preferred the rest of his platform to hers, knowing that it was mostly aspirational, and would at least pull the Party back from the center, which, given the Overton window, is pretty horrible. No we were never getting free college and single-payer after one election. Never. Nope. It will take several cycles and some damn actual Democrats in Congress. Politics simply doesn't work that way, and frankly representative democracy has worked pretty damn well over time, all things considered.

The other option? The REVOLUTION? Bullshit.

You know what happens in a revolution? A shitpile of people get hurt badly, and they are, French Revolution notwithstanding, usually the powerless. Would I like to see a guillotine permanently installed on Wall Street? Hells yeah. But that will happen when I grow a tail.

I didn't turn on Senator Sanders until the end of primary bullshit, when, after he'd won the platform battle, he still pouted. And a significant number, maybe 15-20%, of his supporters (Jill 'Science is just an illuuuusion.' Stein



and Gary Johnson? Have you actually read his CV and the Libertoonian Party Platform?) are still pouting. Politics is WORK, y'all. Dreaming is good, but without translating dreams into a metric fuckton of ridiculously hard work over a pretty fair period of time, it remains dreams. The rewards go to those who show up.

The monsters on the right wing? Both the Deplorables and the Executives? They've been showing up without fail for 45 years. And anyone who guarantees Senator Sanders would be ahead at this point is delusional. It would be close, he might have even been slightly ahead for some time because Trump is a sociopath, just really that bad, Stop-And-Frisk you racist motherfucker? You know, where we are right now. But we'd hear commercial after commercial of SSOOOOSHULISSTTICISM (as opposed to commercial after commercial of SHE HAS PARKINSONAIDSEBOLAHYSTERICALPREGNANCY) and Americans are easily led and lied to. I don't know how Sec'y Clinton would perform as President; I like the party platform, I don't listen to the right wing smear machine (dumbass bastards have brought up Vince Foster again??!), certainly she wouldn't be as conciliatory as President Obama, and about damn time someone takes a stick to the Republican curs, but she (or a President Sanders) would still have to work with a Republican House (Senate seems to be a near-tossup, dammit Nate Silver) and politics as a nasty game where no-one gets their wishlist. 

Unless.

President Trump with a Republican House and Senate, at which point Ryan and McTurtle will cream in their jeans, possibly together, big ol' goddamn 'IT"S PAYDAY!!!' circle-jerk, and throw every right wing fascist fantasy up knowing that Trump will sign anything for them. That's why most modern establishment Pubs haven't actually come out against Trump, they may not like him but he'll do no actual work as President except sign anything put in front of him.

My two cents, meh.

Open Packer Thread On A Phone? This May Suck But It's Stuff

Hrmph. 

Game starts at 7:30, Packers-Queens. So, predictions. 

In the new goddamn Sand-Crawler Stadium, which is why this game will be closer than is necessarily comfortable, teh Home Opener©®™ of the new money pit. Packers 23 - MN 20. 

Sam Bradford has a strong accurate arm, brains of tapioca, and a receiving corps that could be shut down by a Div. II high school. Should be weird. 

Sweetie will waggle her fingers at Rodgers as if he will notice through the TV, leave the field, drive the 3 miles to my house and take her away from a life of endless paleononsense. Protip: he won't. Second protip: no, he's not cute either.  

Imma be back on here at about 7. Probably have to do this as a comment thing. TTFN!

And The Goddammit Beat Goes On.

Our house is a one-man crime wave. Oh, and fuck metaphors.

We had a break-in a week ago. Late Sunday night. We were out like the proverbial LED fixture, maybe 1:30am. Jaxson started barking. This is not unusual, he’d been squabbling with the cats earlier, but he’d gone upstairs, Sweetie and I were vaguely conscious now, so she went up to let him out or yell at the cats or let the cats out and yell at him or it was 1:30am, who the hell knows.

Sweetie got to the top of the steps and noticed the door from the house to the garage was open. Her first concern was the cats getting out so she checked the main garage door, it was closed, phew, she could get some treats to get the cats back in.

Then she noticed one cat was still in the kitchen and the passage door from the garage was propped open with a gallon jug of distilled water. Very uncatlike behavior. Her brain was defuzzing now, and she checked the other house doors, a light was on in the living room but the door was closed – the back door of the house, out to the yard, was wide open, yard lights were on. She came down and got me, said “I think someone’s been in the house”, suddenly now I’m quite wide awake, I grabbed a bat*, we went upstairs, Jaxson staying with us, house is devoid of bastard, into the living room, both laptops were gone, she’s already calling the cops. I, in retrospect stupidly, alone, went out to check the vehicles. Both were fine but my truck was unlocked, I suck at life, by the way, fuck me, the garage door opener was gone, along with an old iPhone I was using basically as an iPod. My wallet had been gone through but only about $15 in cash taken, the wallet was left with all cards and ID, another $20 taken off the counter. Jaxson is a goddamn hero. He has been treated and treat-ed really damn well for a week. It was pretty clear Jaxson had chased he/she/them off and they just grabbed the most obvious shit. Why didn’t Jaxson react immediately? He/she/they did have a couple minutes, to open a second door, turn on some lights. Our guess is that because we have a rather jangled family lifestyle, someone coming in at 1:30am is not always particularly unusual, at least, it used to be not particularly unusual, and he wouldn’t go nuts immediately, but he undoubtedly dragged hisself up and went upstairs expecting skritches and found it was not someone we knew. Jaxson is a goddamn hero, is what I’m saying. He was up there with Sweetie while I was still trying to figure out what socks are. Goddammit.

So the police came, I used my phone to change every password for every site I used for my laptop, I didn’t do any business on it thank FSM because I don’t trust electronic business practices, and hers was password protected, so I’m not extraordinarily worried, just ordinarily worried, about ID theft. So very angry at myself.

Many steps are being taken, we are getting a monitored system and I’ve done some security upgrades and doing more, but mostly we have to use caution. How do we do that without feeling like prisoners within our own homes? Don’t know. I have had a week of poor sleep, paranoia, savage revenge and booby-trap fantasies in my brain, and I don’t like it, really don’t like brain right now. It could have been infinitely worse, I’m under no illusions, there is some #privilege speaking, I know, we have good lives. By the way, you can’t buy razor wire commercially. Life continues, we’re relaxing some. Watched a movie called ‘Ogre’, so our sense of humor is returning. She’s been through this before, many years ago, I have not, she’s hardly overjoyed but I’m taking it worse and angrier, she’s just pushing the solutions. I married well out of my league.

Dammit.

*I work with any number of gun-nuts, and haven’t told them about this, because I don’t want the conversation with them that I had with a friend who CC’s, but he’s not a sociopath. I don’t have a handgun. Still ain’t gonna get a handgun. Hate the filthy things, don’t want them in the house. The furthest I’ve even thought in that direction is getting a beanbag barrel for the shotgun, still not entirely out of the question, but she really doesn’t like the thought. A big part of the reason I don’t want a goddamn gun in the house is exactly the situation we had that night. Sleep-fuzz plus confusion plus sudden adrenaline burst plus artificial penis equals fucking disaster. And suppose the other party had a gun as well? With them wide awake, alert, and having the, to use a stupid term, ‘drop’ on me? To my friend, I started to say “When you have a gun, you have to be prepared to-“ and my friend finished “-use it.” “No”, I said, “to kill.” I’m not prepared to kill over a couple old computers, and if he/she/they had hurt my wife or pets, I don’t care what they are armed with, with my last breath I would have shown them their own throat. This criminal was just looking to grab and go, it seems there is a (professional?) ring of these bitches hitting the TCs right now, people in the house, people not in the house, always looking to go in through the garage, and there are detectives working on it, we’ve found out, so they’re taking it quite seriously, our stuff is long gone but everyone is safe. A gun would only have escalated the situation to very conceivably deadly proportions. Fuck that and fuck gun-nuts and fuck guns.

Seventy-Five Thousand Hits! And Some Actual Stuff...

Several dozen of which are not from pornbots! Yay ME!

Okay, so I'm a happy democrat. I believe we are better than the cons, and I want us to be better. I was a Senator Sanders supporter, we lost the primary, but won the platform. So I'm With Her. I reject the social view of the cons, that people are evil and require a Bearded Sky-Daddy or a three-year-under-the-car-seat Cheetoh to keep us, well, a certain some of us, in line, and believe that working together, truly together, we can be better still. (Naive, huh. YMMV, I sleep well, fuck you.) I believe in redemption, not in the religious sense (while my own beliefs are plentiful, if perhaps a tetch out of the mainstream, I do not believe in Religion™), but in the sense that you can rejoin the Human Race.

Why the prelude? I have a couple notes on redemption.

Yesterday I listened to an interview yesterday with a gentleman named Michael Brodkorb, who used to be a highly mucked mucky-muck in the Minnesota Republican structure.  He was a bad man. No worse than most Republicans, so verrrrry bad. The MN Pub Party at the time of his deputy chairmanship was responsible for a lot of evil. Then he was brought down brutally. (The above link addresses the general outline). Hey, won't lie, I was happy. Ecstatic, even. Then he nearly waxed hisself in a car accident. Hey, I won't lie, I'M NOT A REPUBLICAN. I DO NOT CELEBRATE DEATH. Well, he started, while stating that he remained a Republican, and not really apologizing for his past as an arsonist, a bit of a public, penance?, um, re-branding perhaps? (to be cynical, which I'm trying to stop doing), less obviously partisan, more analytical of communications strategies. And he found a case, a case of parental interference with custody, which was no more and no less than kidnapping and giving children to slavers, the Sandra Grazzini-Rucki case. His work (best source is Missing In Minnesota, his blog aggregating his reporting on this case) helped blow it open, and she was just convicted.

He hasn't spoken of his political affiliation recently that I could find, and if he remains Republican, I am certainly more likely to disagree with him than agree, but he seems to have achieved some legitimate level of purpose, seems to be sane, and to be clear, is 11,468% on the good side here.

This is a path to real redemption.

Now.

There have been a couple stories in the last couple of DNC convention days about national Republicans at least applauding, never agreeing with but being satisfied with, the Democratic National Convention. Other stories this morning have cons slapping down the Coultergeist for her tweet about the family of Capt. Humayan Khan, a soldier who saved his unit at the cost of his life, speaking at the DNC. She sweetly pointed out that OH MY GOD AN ACCENT.

Erick SonofErick'sonsonrick, author if the philosophical treatise 'David Souter is a goat-fucking child molester' was outraged, OUTRAGED, by teh Human Chew Toy insulting Muslims. Amanda Carpenter, accused by Donald Trump of boinking overripe canteloupe Ayatollah Cruz, says 'gee, the DNC has found religion'.

Bullshit.

ALL THESE PEOPLE LOVE EVERYTHING TRUMP SAYS. They wish they had the balls or vag to say it out loud theyselves (well, I guess Erickson usually does, but eyewash). You too, Zombie-Eyed Granny Starver Paul Ryan. Carpenter worked for Sen. James Inhofe, climate change denier extraordinaire. John Podhoretz, (son of Norman Podhoretz, an early neo-con who never met a Palestinian genocide that he disliked or an african-american he liked), an EARLY SCOTT WALKER fan who also called Marco Useless Rubio "Perhaps the best extemporaneous political speaker of our time", thereby showing off his political instanks.

At best, these filthy monsters have a basic, gutter understanding of the political winds and want to preserve their 'reputations'. On the continuum, several of those quoted had other horses in the race than Trump and are hoping for their instanks to be hailed as the best extemporaneous political instanks of our time. At the other end of the spectrum, at the worst, they are trying to drive wedges into the Democratic support, "Oh, look, Killary is a Republican, all you filthy hippies are having your rights tarnished, Bernie could have beat Trump with ??? and progress". Ratfucking 101. (And it will work on Susan Sarandon.)

This is NOT redemption, or suddenly being fair, or being tempered with age. I'd never expect them to go full liberal, but one can become sane. These people do not disagree ONE WORD with the Flatulent Baboon, or Coultergeist.

They may understand optics well enough to realize his convention was a shitstorm of extraordinary magnitude, but they don't disagree with a Single. Fucking. Word.

News Thingies

Dateline: Philadelphia

July 26, 2016

Melania Trump To Speak Later This Week: "I Have Some New Thoughts"

Dateline: Moscow

July 27, 2016

Putin In Hospital With Orange Hand: Says Spox, "He Had It Stuck In Something"

Dateline: Indianapolis

July 27, 2016

Pence: "My God, My God, Why Hast Thou Forsaken ME"

Dateline: Pensacola, FL

July 28, 2016

Stolichnaya Truck Stolen

Tragic Baboon Deaths At Pensacola Zoo: Keeper "I've Never Seen This Sort Of Savagery", "Didn't Know You Could Do That With A Salad Tongs"

Fmr Gov Jeb Bush In Hospital, "Exhaustion": Says Dr. Rudolph Hilter, Family Physician

The Last Word On The OMGGHOSTBUSTERSWIMMENZVAGINOIDS Conflict

Briefly:

The new Ghostbusters is out. For months, many so-called 'men' have been complaining about wrecked childhoods because cooterdust. Or whatever. Most of these so-called men lack personal experience with, ummm, well, really, women in general, much less mouth-to-ladybits communication. Also these so-called men are dipshits who should be encouraged to explore the effects of diesel tailpipes upon scuba mouthpieces. The original was quite funny, I had the T-shirt myself. But, it was not Young Frankenstein. Quit witcher dog-whistles, we know what you are saying, own it you punkass bitches.

While I was not enthused by the first trailer, the pieces that have leaked out have been better. I had been likely to see it. I don't know the actresses save Melissa McCarthy, and I'm not particularly a fan, she's ok, wevs. I enjoy light science fiction/comedy in general, including one of my all-time favorite films:

• I. Loved. The Last Starfighter. I will go full DeathBlossom on anyone who disagrees, because they are failed at evolution. Always trust Centauri. 

Meteorologically speaking, Twister sucks on ice, but I'll watch it anytime I see it's on. Hell, I even rather enjoyed Evolution; bugger off.

Reviews so far have been basically, "If you're not expecting Citizen Kane, or even Candy Cane's First Lesbian Macramé Adventure, you'll have some fun. Don't overthink it, just enjoy it." So fine.

"But paleo, after saying it looks okay, you are saying that you had been likely to see it. Now you're not. Typical libtard cuck commie islamist elitist zionist fascist, uhhh, beta, respective vaginas, hah gotcha, Trump!" Well, oh Dweller In The Basement, the movie still looks fine. It's going to make the Netflix list, but:

Whilst waiting for Sweetie to get ready to go to the Co-op, I am watching The Mummy (w/ Brendan Frasier - again, as long as ya don't think too hard, enjoyable as all get out), and commercial breakage comes up. Oh, my, errr, it's ahhh, Ghostbusters tie-in, pizza, ohfuckfuckFUCK Papa John's, with the goddamn criminal filth Schnatter dressed in teh Beige Coveralls.

I realize, I do, that all marketing departments are useless gits, and given the job of promoting Citizen Kane, or Candy Cane Visits A KY Factory With Six Portable Generators And A Funk Band, would put out a line of action figures. And I'd buy the full Candy Cane Collection. The marketing team doesn't care about the movie, especially arthouse films like the Candy Cane series. The production team does not get too involved on the marketing end, other than direct promotion of the movie. Production holds no part in what I am about to say.

I cannot reward, in any way, any product, that would in any form, allow itself, either directly or indirectly, to be associated with a bloodthirsty monster like John Schnatter. If there is such a thing as universal justice, he would be in the first group up in the dock for crimes against humanity and the American worker. Fuck him, fuck his corporate board, fuck Peyton Manning. He needs to be in Supermax until he can be swept up and put in a dustbin.

And anyone who can stand his quasi-pizza needs a tastebud transplant. Jes' sayin'.

Posted With Several Damn Comments

I'm sick of it. So genuinely sick of it.

Innocents dead. Wasted. Perforated. Just out to have a good time, and because OMGWTFBBQBUTTSEX they had to die. People with families. Friends. Pets. Employers. Clubs. Dead. I have no connection except for being human, but I'm not sure I like that label too much anymore. Because humans suck. We suck. Virus with shoes indeed.

Churches celebrated yesterday. The death of gays, an awful lot of them Latino, at the hands of a brown guy, who could not be directly tied to Pat Robertson. They hallalujahed until they were hoarse.
The gun manufacturers ramped up the AR-15 lines again, they're going to sell a metric balls-ton of them in the next few days.
The republican candidate for president took credit for predicting this, then accused President Obama of, of course, another 'false-flag jihad taquito birthghazi.'

I wonder sometimes how these subhuman bastards sleep at night, and realize, with pain in my brain, that they sleep pretty well. There is death, beautiful, beautiful death, of people who ain't them. They sleep great. They have well oiled penis replacements tucked under their pillows or inside their shorts, and they sleep like babies.


(Disclaimer: Image is not mine, and I can't make out the artist. If anyone knows Imma happy to give him full credit, 7000pt. font and the contents of my wallet, 'cuz they's a whole buncha damn prophets. I apologize in advance about the contents of my wallet, mostly receipts, a few cigar wrappers, and a credit card of dubious provenance and dubiouser value.)