Saturday Night Redbox Fail

Hey all, sorry for the brief lack of posting but occasionally real life intrudes. Any rate...


Today's review is of a film called Joyful Noise.

This is a deep philosophical treatise on the world of competitive gospel singing, asking the questions we all ask, to wit:


a) Is Queen Latifah (or whatever she is called here) married?
2.) Is Queen Latifah pretty? (I'm inclined generally to say yes, and she can certainly sing.)
3.1415947). How much collagen can go into human lips before critical mass is achieved?
b.) Can Shiva the Destroyer of Worlds* create a bloodbath even he can't mop up? (I'm not sure about this one, I was tired and had been drinking. Squeezed real lemons, couple shots of stevia, carbonated water, and vodka. Very good and stuff!)


So, we had my dad up here for a fishing trip, and after a very successful day, and the consumption of piscine plentiness, we decided to relax with a movie. Sweetheart had stopped at Teh Redbox and picked up some movies, and as one of them was not Casablanca, we settled on the zombieless one to see with my dad, this musical Rocky, with robes and stuff. 


To digress briefly, Pookie and I have a bad record at Redbox, dreadful, foolish fluff, one after the other. This is all the fault of my honey, I am an innocent victim. 


(What's that babe? Yeah, sleeping bag is already in the garage. So, we're good? Yeah? Great, I'll start the grill...)


There is a church choir that competes in church choir competitions, led by the Queen and Dolly Parton, who at this point resembles Gandalf with a pair of wax lips inflated by an industrial compressor. With boobs.


(What happened, Dolly? She is very talented and was a very attractive woman, and it would have been something to see her gracefully age, I expect she would have been quite dignified. Instead she seems to want to look like Angelina Jolie, albeit with a better voice and as a better actress. Beside the point.)


So there is conflict, and dancing, and a character who kills men with a smile on their face, and romance, and cheaters, and twelve year olds, and blackmail, and half the cast of Law and Order shows up at one point or another. All of this spirals towards the expected ending, with more dancing, romance, and half of the tropes in the book. 


I give it a very enthusiastic "OW, MY BALLS!"






*Oh, and speaking of Shiva, has anyone else read The Destroyer - the several year/100+ volume Remo Williams pulp novels? Seriously woot!! They did a movie of that as well, Remo Williams - The Adventure Begins

which is not as woot, could certainly been better. However, Fred Ward was the perfect Remo, and Wilfred 'Diabeetus' Brimley was an ideal Harold Smith. Too damn bad the movie had issues. I mean, Joel Grey as Chiun? Why not Mickey Rooney as long as we are doing wildly inappropriate racial caricatures. Holy FSM.